More on the other board whereI post

[The Biscuit Queen]

Not sure how it is in the States, but here in Canada, women have many less opportunities, largely because they take responsibility for their children while men are able to build solid careers after divorce.  At the end of legal preceedings , I consistently see that men 'recover' from divorce much more easily financially than women do.  

I see men (while in the system) whine about not having their kids often enough, not having a place to live, not having a cent to their name, but once the legalities are said and done they 'amazingly' recover financially.  Once nobody is looking, their priorities become financially motivated and all the sudden their career becomes more important again.  He needs to work, he doesn't have time, etc etc etc while the woman has no choice but to juggle job and kids as best as she can.  

Now please forgive me, I know some committed dad's who realize that money is not the 'end all and be all' in a child's life and will give up the 'good life' to nurture their children, but here in Canada they are few and far between.  The cost of daycare alone is inhibitive for women being able to make choices that will move them up the ladder.  Very few of them can get jobs that will even cover daycare expenses.  

My apologies if this is offensive to anyone.  It is not my intention - as I usually admonish people on the board who generalize - and here I am doing it myself.  PM me and yell at me if you are offended - but I need to say that there are two sides to every argument - men here are generally not helpless victims and end up buying beautiful homes and many toys and fancy cars after the heat of the legal issues have been alleviated and they have soundly convinced the court that they have no money.  

Then they complain because their kids aren't seeing them - that the wife is keeping them from him.  The type of men I am speaking of don't realize that in order to see their kids after divorce, they need to give up things just like the woman does.  Maybe downgrade that car - for 20 some odd years so that you don't need to be preoccupied with work so that you can supply your children with what they really need - your time - your emotions - your support - your love.  

This was an arguement made on the board with the man I have been trying to help. This woman's arguement is a gross generalization of a few people-most fathers if I remember the statistics correctly are not in a position to purchase a new house and car after divorce, but some are. This woman is taking two issues (money made after divorce/time spend with kids) and (mother not allowing contact). If most men are only granted every other weekend, then why shouldn't they work more? This seems like a case where the courts are creating this dicotomy of women having more time/less money and men having less time/more money then blaming men for living with the hand they were dealt. Are they supposed to sit around and do nothing? What would your response be?

[neoteny]

Not sure how it is in the States, but here in Canada, women have many less opportunities, largely because they take responsibility for their children while men are able to build solid careers after divorce.  At the end of legal preceedings , I consistently see that men 'recover' from divorce much more easily financially than women do.  

I see men (while in the system) whine about not having their kids often enough, not having a place to live, not having a cent to their name, but once the legalities are said and done they 'amazingly' recover financially.  Once nobody is looking, their priorities become financially motivated and all the sudden their career becomes more important again.  He needs to work, he doesn't have time, etc etc etc while the woman has no choice but to juggle job and kids as best as she can.

Indeed; a man can't rely on the State to prop him up financially; he has to make the dough, otherwise he's belly up rather quick.

Of course the woman has a choice; she can hand over the kid(s) to the father, or at least work out a real shared parenting scheme. Neither is in her financial interests; and the latter one requires the will to cooperate, something which was obviously lacking if things 'progressed' to divorce.

The poster is envious, and not even ashamed of it.

[outdoors]

where did you see that?

give me a link!

[The Biscuit Queen]

I would rather not having this thread turn into a political arguement. This is not a political board and I am very uncomfortable with it going that way. I will be PMing this woman if she wants to keep talking. She already has derailed the thread by bringing up the wage gap, which I quickly and shortly debunked. It was a thread to help a man who is struggling with personal issues in addition to his wife kicking him out. To be respectful to him I would prefer not to have this get ugly.

There are many other places online which are better arenas for this type of discussion.

[BRIAN]

I hate to tell the woman this but the man would have prospered after the divorce anyway. If you put I many effort at all in a career you will advance get promoted get raises etc. The flip side is that yes men do tend to throw themselves at work after a divorce, it's all they have left in life after being rejected by someone who swore an oath to stay with them forever who forsakes them and takes away their children and everything they own.

[Factory]

And of course fails to mention that Child Support is, like in the US, still considered HIS after tax income, even though SHE is spending it - artificially deflating Mommy's income even more.

She also fails to mention the automatic right to 'adjust' the support with mandatory tax return submission, etc.

Obviously an ideological feminist trying not to look too much like a bitch while she pokes her fingers in the guys wounds.  So, essentially, yet another psychopath...  She should be watched carefully...

[bluegrass]

Basically what she's saying is that there's a downside for women in having a broader range of socially supported choices than men have.  If you don't like it then choose something else.

So what would she like to see?  The men don't get to see their kids and they don't have decent incomes and careers?

[bluegrass]

What board is this BTW?

[The Biscuit Queen]

It is a health board for a specific issue which if you don't mind I would rather not get into. Please give me some privacy on this one.

Do you mind if I use your posts in a pm? I think they are very well put. I am not out so slam this women, I just don't think she is seeing both sides.

[outdoors]

well,whoever this woman is-she sounds like a feminazi pig with a delusional train of thought-kinda like a director of a battered women's shelter or something,who promotes their misandry with-out batting an eyelash.
It is obvious that this brainwashed twat works for the canadian government propaganda machine.

btw B.Q. this woman needs to be slammed and hard

[The Biscuit Queen]

I think she needs to be called out for her hypocracy, which I did. I simply asked her what else she felt men should be doing with their time if they were only seeing their kids every other weekend. I suggested that 50/50 shared custody would aleviate this issue with most families.

[typhonblue]

I bet if a guy decided after a divorce to downgrade his job to one that paid less, she'd be the first one to scream about impugned income and what he 'owes' his ex-family in terms of support.

She's probably jealous, like a lot of women, that the way men are raised means when they get a shit sandwitch they don't sit around complaining about it, they do something with it.

I've heard guys who've had their wives(who were alcoholics or otherwise problematic) just up and quit--disappear from their lives completely, no money, no contact--who said they were grateful for it because it was one huge burden out of their lives and they could now concentrate on taking care of their kids. Without monetary support from the ex, I might add. Which they didn't even whine about.

How is it that single fathers manage to raise kids, work and deal with life by themselves with almost no support but for women it's a constant source of whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine?

[The Biscuit Queen]

Because men have no audience, and women are practically begged to tell their sob stories as well as rewarded for doing so. I am sure that if women were just expected to do it with no sympathy they would. Certainly the pioneer women just got it done.

[BRIAN]

I am sure that if women were just expected to do it with no sympathy they would. Certainly the pioneer women just got it done.

True.

The material wealth of western society allows women the luxury of wallowing in self pity. Men Do it to but there is pressure on them to suck it up and keep on going.

[RockyMountainMan]

This one is just too easy.  If a man has established a career, or seniority in a blue-collar job, BECAUSE he was raising a family, a divorse may set him back for a time but he will eventually recover.  He will be in a better position than a woman who is starting from an entry level position because she was living on the dole of her husband's labor.