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Stand Your Ground Forums => Main => Topic started by: JackBauersPowerHour on May 02, 2007, 11:42 PM

Title: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: JackBauersPowerHour on May 02, 2007, 11:42 PM
http://mdmd.essortment.com/singlemomdatin_rzdv.htm


Quote
Dating a single mom requires patience and understanding, among other things. With more than 11 million single parents in America today, there is a good chance that you may date one at some time. Do you wonder how you should act around your date's children or what you should expect while dating a single mother? Here are a few guidelines to remember when your girlfriend is a single mom.

1. Patience. Be patient if she doesn't want you to meet her children right away. Don't take it personally and think that she doesn't like you enough to introduce you to her kids. First, she should get to know you and give you the opportunity to know her as a woman, before knowing her as a mother. And secondly, children can easily become attached to you. Your date may want to see how the relationship progresses before she lets the children get attached to you and be hurt if the relationship doesn't work out.

2. Understanding. Spontaneity and motherhood don't always mix. As a mother, your date's first priority is her children. She may not be able to make spontaneous plans. Spur-of- the-moment dinner plans may seem romantic, but are unrealistic for most single mothers. Remember that she will need time to find a babysitter. If you want to surprise her with a romantic dinner or theater tickets, take the liberty of calling the babysitter and making all of the arrangements.

3. Know your limitations. Don't ever attempt to discipline her children. Let the mother do all of the disciplining. If you have an issue with a behavior or action, discuss it with the mother when the kids are not around. Don't try to be a father or a father figure to the kids. They probably already have a father and will only resent you if you try to take his place.

4. Offer to pay the babysitter. Many single mothers struggle to pay the bills and support their families. Your date may want to see you more often but can only afford to pay a babysitter once a week. Babysitting fees may put a strain on her budget. It would be a kind gesture to offer to pay the sitter for her.

5. Include the kids. After you have been dating for a while and you feel there will be a long term relationship, you should plan to include the kids in some of your outings. Make plans at least once a month to do group activities that include the children. Make sure the plans include activities that the kids will enjoy.

Dating with children can be a sensitive and delicate matter. The more you try to force a friendship on the children, the more difficult it may be. Relax, be yourself and let a friendship develop.



MY PROBLEMS WITH THIS ARTICLE AND WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT DATING AND SINGLE MOTHERS -

1) It pushes the lie that if you don't date a single parent, there will be no one else out there for you to date. How is this possible? Marriage rates are down, birth rates are down. Are there more single mothers? Yes, but the population is still growing (albeit people living longer throws some complications in those numbers) I don't see how that lie ever works. I mean if you have success dating in general, you should stay there as long as you have your life in order. If you never had any luck before, what says your luck will change so much better or worse all a sudden?

2) It only says what you, you as the male, can do to make life easier for the single mother. It never says what the single mother can do to make your transition to dating her and her circumstances easier for you. I'd imagine it's just as hard for a man to figure out where he stands in a preexisting family structure and find his role in that, does that article even begin to say "Single mothers, you could help the guy by sitting down and seeing what he feels about X or Y"?

3) The article says don't actually be a "father" Initially, to start, I can see that, but down the road? When you are paying the bills and keeping food on the table for those kids? Wow, what a thankless proposition. I can give up my paycheck to feed another mans genetic legacy, pretty much ensuring mine is over, but I have no actual rights or role in that family?

4) Money. It always come down to money. All that articles says is to show the single mother that your money is hers and only there to make her life easier.  Is there anything in there to say that single mothers ought to think about career and educational opportunities to increase their own earning power? Does it say in there at all about how single mothers should talk to single men about setting financial goals and figure out if the same financial values exist?

Articles like this bother me because it only says what you, you as the male, can do to make someone else have an easier life. But is that the point of relationships? I  thought the point was you got into one to ENRICH both of your lives.

Maybe it's just me, or maybe I'm sick of going to Xmas or New Years parties and the wives of my friends start babbling to the single mothers in the room about what I own and what I have and those chicks making a beeline to me and start prodding me about how much I make and what I do.

WHY DON'T ALL US GUYS JUST GET A BARCODE ETCHED IN OUR FOREHEADS SO EVERYTIME WE WALK PAST A SINGLE MOTHER, WE CAN HEAR A BEEPING SOUND AND MONEY IS AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCTED FROM OUR BANK ACCOUNTS. WOULDN'T THAT BE EASIER FOR ALL OF US IF WE CEASED THE FORMALITIES AND WE MEN JUST HANDED OVER THE CASH SO WE CAN GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET?

(any of you have single mother stories?)

Sorry for the rant. I'm just sick of chicks making no secret (they don't even try to be subtle anymore) that my worthiness in general is linked to my bank account.

JBPH
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: neonsamurai on May 03, 2007, 12:16 AM
LOL

The article might as well say; "Dating a single mom isn't as easy, spontaneous, financially viable or private as dating a woman who isn't". No doubt they did a follow up about how to date quadriplegics "Try not to take you date snowboarding, or for a jog in the park." Seems like common sense stuff to me.

But at the end of the day date whoever you want, how you want. If things are destined to workout they will, if they won't they won't. However, when I did online dating, the only emails I got from interested women were single mums who were looking for a boyfriend. I've never been so spoiled for choice.

They should really be writing articles for single mums on how to get dates, 'cos it seems to me that if they're emailing me for a date then they need more help than I do!
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: The Gonzman on May 03, 2007, 02:56 AM
I avoid all that by not dating any single mothers.
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: zarby on May 03, 2007, 03:07 AM

My observation is that many of these single mothers have a life history full of disasters.

Yes, I had my disasterous divorce, but my life is problem free compared to the lives of many of these single mothers.

There is one in particular I recently ran away from as fast as I could.

I just heard that one of her children was attacked by a neighborhood dog apparently rather severely.

She and everybody around her or who gets near her suffers disasters as best I can tell.

I think the best thing to do is to stay away from these kinds or lese become one of them.
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: TheManOnTheStreet on May 03, 2007, 04:53 AM
Pay for her bbsitter?  Uhm... no.  If she wants to be with YOU as she claims, then SHE will find a way.  Why not just call it prostitution or escourting.  Right?  Here, ill pay your pim... er bbsitter so that I can have a predetermined amount of time with you.

It always is about her and her needs, and what she wants.... bullshit.  A relationship is supposed to be about THEM!  not just her. 

How about a story about how single mothers should be towards men?  How about an article that says how single mothers should do X, Y, & Z?  Not likely to see anytime soon.

Lastly, I already did my parent thing (not that it is over per ce, they are at college).  I'll be the first to admit it.  Why the hell would I want to go through all that again?  Yes mostly good times, but still stressful, worrysome, and difficult at times.  I took what was dealt to me, and did what I had to do.  Now it's my time.  Sorry if it sounds selfish, but it is what it is.

Note:  I love my children more than anything.  Wouldn't trade 'em for anything in the world, but I also am a realist.  If I had been given the choice to be a parent (another story all together) I would not have.  Especially in this world.

TMOTS
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: stands2p on May 03, 2007, 06:55 AM
JBPH says:
Quote
WHY DON'T ALL US GUYS JUST GET A BARCODE ETCHED IN OUR FOREHEADS SO EVERYTIME WE WALK PAST A SINGLE MOTHER, WE CAN HEAR A BEEPING SOUND AND MONEY IS AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCTED FROM OUR BANK ACCOUNTS. WOULDN'T THAT BE EASIER FOR ALL OF US IF WE CEASED THE FORMALITIES AND WE MEN JUST HANDED OVER THE CASH SO WE CAN GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET?


Yeah they already have that, welfare, CS court etc.
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: damnbiker on May 03, 2007, 07:27 AM
As a single dad I have to say that much of what I read there isn't too bad.  "Don't try to be a father figure to the kids right off the bat" (remember this is "dating"  if you become a step dad, that's different).  Don't get upset if she doesn't introduce you to the kids right away.  That's fine too, I keep a similar policy that may even be a bit more strict.  Unless I'm considering marriage I don't see a reason to introduce a woman I'm dating to my child.  I want to avoid my daughter getting attached to someone I'll probably end up breaking up with anyway.

The problem I really had with this article was offering to pay for a baby sitter.  I can't see any reason to have to support someone you are just dating financially.  The children are not your responsibility, there's no way in hell I'd ever expect a woman I'm dating to offer to pay for a baby sitter.  If she can't afford to see you more than once a week, the she shouldn't see you more than once a week.  IMHO, if you find a woman that you are just dating is already expecting you to pay her way then it's not going to get any better as the relationship progresses.
Title: Re: Godawful Article - Tips On How To Date A Single Mom
Post by: Virtue on May 03, 2007, 08:01 AM
I am getting to the point where a woman raised in western culture has to prove her self worthy.....They no longer get the benefit of the doubt.....and as for Dating single mothers......I will not be held responsible for taking care of someone else's problems.