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Topics - contrarymary

Main / Well, that's it for me as well
Jun 20, 2006, 05:32 PM
I've had enough of TB's bullshit.  No one ever seems to call her on it.

This has NOTHING to do with my ex-husband and EVERYTHING to do with not wanting to be anywhere near such a self-absorbed, unkind and yes, dumb broad.

Goodbye, everyone.  I will continue to stand my ground, but through EJF, NCFM and F4J.

PS If you think that's not what she wants - being the lone, adored female on the board, you have a LOT to learn.   I don't ever want to read about how you think so and so is manipulative while you tolerate the Queen of Manipulation here.
Main / Who/What is your Nemesis?
Jun 19, 2006, 04:19 AM
OK, please forgive the lack of eloquence here - I'm just typing rather than thinking  things through -

Anyway, I can't help but notice that there are some who completely clash on this site.  

I am not sure nemesis is the correct word for some of the personality clashes here.  
nem·e·sis    (nm-ss) KEY  

pl. nem·e·ses   (-sz) KEY  
A source of harm or ruin: Uncritical trust is my nemesis.
Retributive justice in its execution or outcome: To follow the proposed course of action is to invite nemesis.
An opponent that cannot be beaten or overcome.
One that inflicts retribution or vengeance.

What with all the personality clashes going on here right now, for myself, at least, I think it would be a good time to take a minute to stop and think about what it is about a particular person who sets you off.  In my case, that someone reminds me of my very cold, unfeeling, sanctimonious, "I'm so smart, you're  dumb" ex husband who actually felt very bad about himself and felt obliged to make himself feel better by putting me down.  I'm not saying that is why my "nemesis" (for lack of a better word) behaves as she does, I'm just saying that my reactions to her are triggered by memories of a man who was very much like her.  I really don't much care for the claims that I only emote while she thinks  ergo her presence here is more valuable than mine.  And I know exactly how she'd respond to the previous sentence.   There's nothing about her modus operandi which surprises me, because I'm so familiar with it.  

Even so, I need to let go of it, and let go NOW.   It's okay to intensely dislike another, but it's not okay to show that disdain at each and every opportunity,  and disrupt a forum which has been a god-send to many persons.

One's nemesis might actually be a thing, rather than a person.  Are there some sentiments, such as anti-religious sentiments or anti-war or anti-Bush sentiments, that set you off?  I have to admit that when I read pro-Bush posts which put down those of us who can't stand him, I get a little rankled.  But that is not what sets me off.  

Now the Asian women - good/American women - bad thing, I really dislike that, but so far I've managed to keep my mouth shut about that.

What sets YOU off?  Because there's a lot of that going on lately, and I"m not so sure it truly involves other members of this board but, rather, something that is going on or has gone on in RL.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here, but for my part, I'm going to try to cool it.  

No, it's not time for a group hug - don't even go there.  I just think it's time to perhaps take time to think for some of us.
Main / An Apology to TB and the Board
Jun 16, 2006, 03:47 AM
TB, I apologize for losing it in the "Here We Go Again" thread. I said some very unkind (as well as uncalled for) things.

Truth is, you remind me of my ex-husband.  Not the first ex, who merely called me stupid all the time, but the second ex (AKA the pommy git wanker tosser -  :D  my apologies to my British friends - I do love Brits, just not him), who told me everything I said was facile.  Facile. Facile.

I have no problem with you being intellectually superior.  I do have a problem with what I perceive to be barely veiled attacks on those for whom I have a fondness.  So perhaps I was wrong, and I'm sorry for my part in the entire incident.  

Christianne - this is for you - I know how hard it is to be here at times and yes, I get very hurt and angry at times, but I will never give up on the MRM because if something is the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do.  Please hang in there.  Think of the men in your life and then just try to hang in.

Alicia, I apologized in a PM and now I'm doing it publicly - I was a little rough on you.

Devia, no such apologies...(just kidding). Devia and I had some difficulties, but we worked them out.

I'm sorry everyone, too little sleep and too much work but the good news is my comps are only down by 16 percent this week as opposed to 33 percent last week.
Not on just one day.

Here is a wonderful song by a gifted singer/songwriter, David Gates.  It's a tribute to his father.  If any can think of other lyrics/poems, it would be appreciated.

You sheltered me from harm
You kept me warm, you kept me warm
You gave my life to me
You set me free, you set me free

The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you

And I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again

You taught me how to love
What it's of, what it's of
You never said too much
still you showed the way
And I knew from watching you
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that can't let go

Is there someone you know
Loving them so
Taking them all
For granted
You may lose them one day
Someone takes them away
And they don't hear the words you long to say
And I would give everything I own
Give up my life, my heart, my home
I would give everything I own
Just to have you back again
Main / Goodbye, Alan-Michael - OT
Jun 07, 2006, 04:35 AM
Yesterday, I had to say goodbye to my 18 year old dachshund.  It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done.  He's been ailing lately - at his age, very normal stuff - but I could tell that he was now suffering and it was time to say farewell.

I spent the morning holding him and we listened to Al Stewart music together.  He was really hurting, and when I put the headphones up to his ears, he actually  seemed to listen AND calm down.  He really liked "Mona Lisa Talking", which I have sung to him for many months now - I suppose in subconcious preparation of his ultimate departure - and he liked ""Katherine of Oregon" as well.  He did NOT like "Somewhere in England":  He shook the headphones from his ears, but when I put "Mona Lisa Talking" back on, he listened again.

For 18 years, Alan-Michael and I have enjoyed one another's company.  I loved that little doggie, and I will miss him.

Sorry, I just had to post that.
Main / A neighbor SPEAKS!
Jun 04, 2006, 04:28 PM
Well, it's not as though he had much choice, but I will give him credit for being gracious and kind.

I get a phone call from my daughter while I was at work. Alan-Michael Spaulding, her 18 year old dachshund, for whom I have cared most of his life, went missing.  I didn't know this - she called me at work to tell me that someone called HER - in South Jersey - to tell her that he had her dog.  He was perplexed, of course - how did the dog make it up to PA from Jersey?

Well, I called T who had been frantically searching for him. The dog is so ill and old, we go from day to day wondering if today is the day we have to say our goodbyes, and we often have to carry him outside - but the gate was left open when T was mowing the lawn, and he got out - ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STREET.  Poor old thing - probably took him an hour to cross the street.

Tim called the man who had called my daughter and, because no address had been given as to where to pick up the dog,  was surprised to find out it was the man across the street who had previously shunned T when he was released from prison on bail years ago.  

Turns out that this was an opportunity for the man to finally say hello.

I don't know why on earth I should be so grateful that now one neighbor says hello, and one more waves to us, but I am.   You have no idea what it's like until you experience it - being the pariah.  True, if I went home to South Jersey tomorrow, I would be shunned by all Jehovah's Witnesses, but that's different.  I was not falsely accused, I am guilty as charged of being an "apostate".

Anyway, I just had to share that with someone.
This is a totally self-absorbed post, but I hope some will read it, because I'm actually very frightened about my new position.

The structure in my organization goes like this:  

Store Manager
Executive Assistant Manager
First Assistant Manager
Photo Lab/First Assistant Manager
Key Closer

I was the first assistant.  

OK, about four months ago, my boss told me that the District Manager wanted to promote me to Executive Assistant at a store rather far away.  I went to see the store and didn't really like the manager.  A braggart.  And all he did was talk about all the work I'D be doing.  His exec assistant was being promoted to Store Manager somewhere, which he declined to name because the promotion was due to someone being fired due to "Loss Prevention" issues.  

I didn't want to go, so I never pressed the issue.

A month ago, I asked my boss what happened to that promotion. She stated, "well the guy who was going to be promoted pissed the DM off, so he's not going to be promoted".

I thought, well, that's not right. If someone is capable, a single incident should not deter her, but I don't know all the facts.

THEN, my boss proceeded to state, "But it MAY have something to do with this..."

Apparently, the store manager there, for some mind-boggling reason, felt it necessary to tell all and sundry that the DM got her job by sleeping around.  She found out about it, and was understandably very hurt.  I mean, WTF?  It's one thing to tell your wife or your husband that you think your boss is a slut, but you don't go telling co-workers and other store managers.  OF COURSE someone was going to tell her.  What an idiot that guy is.

Fast forward to two weeks ago.  My boss says, the DM is coming here to talk to you.  Anne is leaving and  the DM wants you to take over that store.  She'll be here in four hours, so think about it.  I don't want you to go, but I won't hold you back.

SO I'm a nervous wreck - I know I have to take it, but I know she'll lowball me.

So she comes in, and immediately gets into an argument with MY boss - and stomps off.  

Now I'm thinking,  you're such a LOSER - you lost TWO PROMOTIONS and you didn't even open your mouth.

Finally, a week later, the DM calls my boss.  She says, "Are you still being mean to me?"
My boss says, "Are you still being mean to ME?"

(WTF? Are we in third grade?)

Bottom line - I will be managing the store at which T and his family of false accusers got their meds.   T knows the pharmacists and the techs.  The last time I filled in there when the manager was on vacation, the pharm tech said, right in front of customers, isn't your boyfriend the one who was arrested for abuse?
I had a full-fledged panic attack in the stockroom.  I told him that T was a patient and that was a violation of HIPPA.  (It probably isn't, but it sounded good.)

Almost everyone who works there knows T.  They know what happened.  At my store, I have been able to pretend that no one knows, even though I'm sure some do.   But they, at least, are polite enough not to mention it.

I'm so afraid that the first time T comes in, the pharm tech (who is a fucking  moron - he works at my current store four times a week) will say something to him.  He says stupid things all the time to customers.  I can't bear any more pain for T.  

I know I have to keep a stiff upper lip and not let anything bother me, but it's so hard.

I don't know how T. lived/lives through this.  I'm sure there are many who believe he was guilty and somehow got off scott-free.  

So, that's the story of my promotion.  I'm scared enough already, but to have to worry about if anyone will say anything...

Perhaps I'm making a big deal of it.  I suppose T somehow had to come to terms with people whispering about him and shunning him. I will have to do the same.

It's just so very hard.

And false accusations continue to hurt.  It doesn't ever end.
meet, living or deceased?

For me - hands down, Oscar Wilde.  And then Tsar Nicholas II of Russia.  

T. says definitely Albert Einstein.  

Both choices very indicative of our personalities.  T. is all about science and math, and I admire anyone with as much wit and literary talent as Wilde.  And his flamboyancy.

Both Einstein and Wilde were geniuses, but in different ways.

Why Nicholas?  He seemed like a beautiful man who never wanted to be Tsar, nor should he have been.  I just want to hear his version of the tragedy.

As far as someone still alive, I've met Al Stewart a few times, but never have had the privilege of speaking with him.  Al is extremely approachable, modest and talkative, and does love spending time with his fans, so I know he'd be willing to have dinner if we could ever arrange it.  He often dines with his fans after concerts.
Main / Fathers For Justice
May 20, 2006, 06:10 PM
Great website - please consider joining.  I'm now a member.  I figure that Fathers for Justice and NCFM need my money more than the ACLU.  I do believe in the ACLU - Daddy always told me that if I contributed to only one cause in my life, it should be the ACLU - but many persons will contribute to that cause, whereas very few will specifically contribute to men's causes - unless we work hard to change that.

PS I think if Daddy were well enough to understand what is really happening to men in this country, he'd approve of my decision.
May 20, 2006, 02:52 AM
I realized I have never thanked you, either publicly or privately, for all your hard work with this board.  It can't be easy, but you do a great job.  What prompted me to post right now was your fair treatment of manhoodsbliss.  

I am posting publicly rather than privately so that others who feel so inclined can include their gratitude.

Thanks so much to you and all your moderators - this board is a wonderful place, and it's due to your fine efforts.
Main / OT - My grandson - Cuddly Robbie
Apr 25, 2006, 06:50 PM
Robbie is now 9 months old.  He has teeth and he crawls backward.  He backs himself into a corner, then cries when he can't get out.

He also cries whenever anyone sneezes.... :shock:   What's up with that?

He has big blue eyes and blond hair just like my daughter did at his age.

He smiles most of the time he is awake. He is a BIG BOY - he's going to be tall and stocky - maybe even a football player like his father, although I think he should play the piano too.... :D

He loves music, his snake toy, grabbing cookies from his Poppop's hands (my ex husband), and I want a wonderful future for this beautiful little boy.

Yo, Robbie! Your Italian Nana loves you.
Mar 30, 2006, 06:11 PM
is some scary shit.

I drove to work today - with T, of course, since I only have a learner's permit.

I almost killed a trashcan.

As I said, scary.  It could have been one of those nasty neighbors - you know, the ones who shun us -

I've done this before and never followed through -
for that, I apologize with all my heart
I need to write my book.  If any here are open to answering a few questions about how to best proceed, can you please PM me?  Or even answer on this thread?

My hours at work have been cut to 45 - that is, until my official promotion when I will, most likely, be working about 65 hours per week store manager candidate.  This will happen within a month.  I can't turn it down even though I will be LOSING money and driving my new car with a NEW license as a NEW driver about 45 minutes each way -

See,  I have to think LONG TERM - something I'm not good at and I don't think many women my age (50) are - and my resume will look better when I'm finally a store manager.  My goal is to earn enough money to take care of the basic needs of the three of us (T, D (special needs son) and myself.) So, after I achieve this goal, I can move on to a company which is not so FUCKING CHEAP.

BTW, I realize these are the considerations you gentlemen have had forever - how do I support my family and have the time to take care of household chores and still pursue my interests and not feel as though I'm going to drop down dead of a heart attack from all the stress in the process?


Until such time I receive my promotion offer, I need to get started on my book.  No more pipe dreams - I need to act.  I'm a fairly good writer and I need to write T's story - BUT he no longer wants to participate and that's understandable -


Is there any point in devoting all the time and passion writing such a book would take when I don't think I will find ANYONE who will publish it? Self-publishing is out of the question at those rates.  I have read a few book and they were mostly targeted toward non-fiction instructional books. For obvious reasons, this book has to be written as fiction (even though it is not...)

Secondly, how riveting do you all think a book about the impact of false accusations on not only the falsely accused by those who love him would be received?  

I'm wrestling with the format.  I know what I'm attempting to convey, but I don't know how to convey it.  We have two persons who are hurting due to bad choices - but some bad choices are more fatal than others ----

I really need some help.

I don't know what I can offer in return  for help/opinions/etc.  But I would truly value and appreciate them.

See, I have never been good at the detail - only the final product.  I have my book turned into a fucking moving and I already have the music down and I almost have it cast - UNFORTUNATELY, it's not written yet...

I really need help.  Please...
OK, I'm babbling here, because I'm really very sick, but I wanted to get the ball rolling and just beg any of you who have any opinion, insight, etc -

Can such a book be published?  Would anyone read it?
beating/animal rapting monster in PA  did today?

I was at my daughter's house to see the grandson, and along the line going home I got very very sick.  Still very sick - don't know what's up. Feels like the flu, but I'm sure it isn't.  Notice, however, k where I come immediately even though  Didn't go to work for the first time in 20 months (last time was surgery.)

T was no where to be found, so I made my way to his office and sat there, wondering where he was.  My imagination ran away with me - did his ex find him and shoot him?  Was he sick?  Was he dead?  

He had bought me - MY VERY FIRST CAR.

Now he's going to help me overcome my fear of driving.

Oh, yeah, this man is a monster all right....

He loves me so much he is willing to help me to become more independent.    I cannot begin to enumerate the things with which he has helped me over the past three years.  He says I accomplished everything on my own, and that's true, but he's given me the loving, safe, secure environment in which to grow.

I refuse to be terrified tomorrow.

AND -what shall we name  my car?
Main /
Mar 07, 2006, 03:04 PM
My apologies if this has been posted before:

Internet dating sites have never been more popular. They have been a romantic oasis for people with busy lifestyles, allowing them to pursue a relationship at their own pace. Many women are comfortable with the sites because they can become well acquainted with a prospective partner before even going on a date.


However, for every online testimonial that greets the lovelorn masses, there is a story of bitterness and spite. A growing number of Web sites now traffic in the business of warning women (and sometimes men) about prospective mates who have a very loose relationship with the truth.

Welcome to the online antidote for a broken heart. Web sites such as, (formerly, and have taken up the call to expose liars and cheats before they have a chance to make a fool of you. Call it the online version of the popular reality show "Cheaters."

Rewarding the Faithful

On, jilted or cheated-on lovers, girlfriends, and wives can post a picture of their significant offender and list all the gory details of the philandering for the entire world to see. Think you might have a cheater on your hands? The site also has a search engine through which you can seek a scoundrel by name, city, or keyword.

Those who need or want to learn more about a questionable prospect can submit an e-mail message or go to the site's blog. In an attempt at some degree of fairness, if people feel they know a man who has been maligned unjustly, they can post a rebuttal that will be included with the other comments under his name.

"It's like a dating credit report," Tasha C. Joseph,'s creator, said in an interview with The New York Times. offers a questionnaire that evaluates men on a scale of zero to 122. The guys earn points if they inspire statements such as "he has the perfect balance of humility and confidence," but lose them if women post buzzwords like "stinks," "has body odor," "bad breath," and "doesn't care."

Joseph, a public-relations specialist from Miami, said that roughly 170,000 women have registered to use and that the site's members have posted the lowdown on some 3,000 men.

While many women say the sites perform a valuable service, some men, not surprisingly, have taken a dim view of the trend.

The sites have been criticized for being biased and harmful. Detractors have said there is little to stop a woman from posting a man's picture along with a completely fictitious account of a relationship gone awry.

An Alternate View

Seeking to serve all sides of the online dating community, gives both sexes the chance to reveal the lies and deceit behind an unscrupulous online profile.

Using the nickname of the person they found at their dating site, men and women can uncover the truth behind that perfect physique -- a balding head, missing teeth, or ever-expanding waistline -- and post a warning with a link to the credulity-stretching profile.

The site is not focused exclusively on liars. If a posted profile turns out to be from an honest Joe, it will be flagged as a "true dater." The rules stipulate, however, that negative feedback relates only to information posted in the profile.

If, for instance, someone reveals during the date that he lives with his parents, and if the profile does not mention that living situation or if the appropriate field is left blank, then the site simply will edit out remarks about living arrangements.

But focusing on such technical limitations might be missing the larger point. For increasing numbers of women, what matters is that these Web watchdogs are helping to separate the studs from the duds.

"With the advent of the Internet, some can be what they want instead of what they are," Joseph told the Times. "You think this guy sounds great. Turns out, he's married, and he's got five kids."
Main / Aren't you all going to be GLAD
Mar 05, 2006, 06:41 PM
when I go back to work????   :D
Main / Don't Dream It's Over....
Mar 05, 2006, 06:33 PM
Don't Dream It's Over (Neil Finn)

There is freedom within, there is freedom without
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're traveling with me

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
We know they won't win

Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof
In the paper today tales of war and of waste
But you turn right over to the T.V. page

Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and relief

Hey now, hey now
Don't dream it's over
Hey now, hey now
When the world comes in
They come, they come
To build a wall between us
Don't ever let them win

I don't know why; I just felt like posting that.

I love you, T.
Mar 04, 2006, 08:56 PM
I simply cannot believe my good fortune.  I was robbed of my vacation last year - I did get paid for it, but I was not permitted to take it - just a few days when my grandson was born.

I'm sooooooooooo happy.

AND, you all need to know this, my grandson is the most intelligent, beautiful baby!  He has the most kissable cheeks.  Right now, he's very frustrated because he's attempting to crawl, and he has mastered the legs and the arms, but just not simultaneously.  I love him so much.  He has the bluest eyes.  My daughter, his mother, had blonde hair and blue eyes when she was a baby as well (she's got green eyes and dark hair now) and I used to think - well, I know who the father is, but am I the mother?

Anyway, I just wanted to chat for a bit.  I have a job interview on Monday and my soon-to-be stepson (the adopted one who T's evil ex has no interest in because he's "special needs") for two days.
Main / My Favorite Customer Died
Feb 15, 2006, 05:20 PM
The "Hungarian", is what I called him.

I loved him.

That's one of the reasons I'm so touchy lately.

Another is....

FALSE ACCUSATIONS RUIN LIVES and T is living proof of this.

Every day, another way in which the false accusations haunt him.  I don't know how to help him.  He's hurting, we have no money, no prospects....

And this is what false accusations do.  This is what the bitch INTENDED to happen.

What she never foresaw was me.  Not that I'm anything great, but I love T with all my heart.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
$250 for the most  detailed "review" of my employer on a very respected Career information site.

$250 for bitching about my employer.....sweet.

We can really use the money....but I'm more excited because I didn't even put a lot of effort in it, and I was told it was extremely well written.

My incessant whinging has finally paid off.... :D