David R. Usher
On MND CommentsMay 28, 2007 at 1:13 am · Filed under Vox Populi
As a leader of the men's movement for the past 19 years, I feel it is important to continue my work in this piece teaching the men's movement how to cooperate and work with itself -- that it might achieve national recognition and become a successful political force.
As an Executive-board officer of an early men's rights organization, I learned one thing: there are a lot of powerless and very hurt men in this movement. Their biggest problem is that they want to get some power back. They want it now. Their goal is to be president of the group -- or to be in full command of something -- and they will viciously attack anybody who gets in their way. The one remarkable thing about most of these guys is this: they have no ideas worth pursuing and no political plan to execute on.
The group could agree on nothing. It accomplished nothing. Having finally given up on the group, I quietly organized the first major protest in the history of the men's movement with a little help from Stu Miller. I just 10 days, we held informational protests in 25 cities around America, inviting people to come see the movie "First Wives Club", a movie in which women abuse men who have done nothing wrong in every possible manner, and who are blamed for everything anyway. We told everyone to come see it not as a comedy, but as the best documentary ever filmed about sexism in America.
The protest was a smash with the media. I ended up in the Washington Post and Time Magazine for it. HardCopy flew to St. Louis to film a segment that was cancelled by Universal just before airtime (the female producer called me in tears because she said it was the best segment she had ever done). This was a thrilling result back in 1996, because the men's movement had never been heard of before in the national media.
The "First Wives Club" protest proved the two theorems I was testing: men were ready to do something together, but somebody must give them something brilliant to do. And, America was ready to hear it, if we just do it right. The only thing lacking was leadership.
This event moved the movement forward. Everyone became aware that the national Men's organizations back then were little more than insane asylums. The above organization fell apart immediately when I and about 2/3 of the board resigned. It strikes me as quite stupid that men would wipe each other out so thoroughly while feminists sit around and laugh at them.
A few months later, the sane members of the former organization came together to start the American Coalition for Fathers and Children -- which to this day organizes events and initiatives quite well. Others have adopted this approach.
Now, lets look at where our power went: The problem is radical feminism -- and that is what we must work together to overcome politically. We cannot win by grabbing "power" from each other or playing games of one-upsmanship. The power is "out there". If we want control of our lives, and the simple right to be fathers and husbands, we have to go "out there" to get it back.
MND has some of these angry, power-hungry guys reading it religiously. They justifiably want change and seem to think that knocking others down and playing games of one-upsmanship accomplishes something. They do not have the political seasoning to understand what should be done, nor the maturity to accomplish it, and are oblivious to the possibility that they are hurting both themselves and the movement.
A Brief History of Major Men's Movement Mistakes
In the early 1990's, the angry minority in the movement insisted that forcing "sole father custody" on America would fix the problem. How this might be accomplished was, of course, an impossible issue to resolve. Daniel Amneus, who wrote the first great analysis of divorce in "The Garbage Generation", presented this as a solution. Dan was a great friend of mine -- and admitted privately that sole father custody was an impossible goal. He agreed we were doing the right thing to seek joint custody.
But Dan Amneus was not the problem. There was a completely irrational pack of very noisy sole-father-custody advocates lead by Victor Smith, who kept the men's movement in bellicose bedlam. It took several years of bloodbaths to sort this useless discussion out, during which time the men's movement went nowhere.
Then there were the Christian Patriot types -- who insisted they could somehow fix America by returning it to a "Book of Genesis" model. Most of these guys ended up dead or in jail, after nearly destroying the legitimate men's movement.
Today, the lunatic fringe demands revocation of the 19th amendment. This is just as impossible to accomplish as previous "nuclear option" manifestos. Like their one-track minded predecessors, these guys shout it out everywhere and ceaselessly harass everyone who won't buy into their agenda. This is causing a lot of reasonable people out there to avoid the men's movement like the bubonic plague.
The common factor in the destructive fringe of the men's movement is this: they would all replace one form of gross inequality for another. They all are seeking things that are absolutely not possible to accomplish in the political world.
A Chronic, long-term problem of the men's movement
Now, I will discuss a major chronic problem of this movement that needs to be fully understood by all: The men's movement is comprised of two entirely different kinds of divorced or marriage-rejected men.
The majority of men in this movement are reasonable men who did their best, went to work every day, and treated their wives well. We worked on personal growth, went through marriage counseling, and went the long mile cowtowing to feminism. We did not do anything to deserve being sent into deadbeat peonage. Reasonable men often come into the movement shocked, angry, and horrified (which is quite normal). But normal men get off the pity pot fairly quickly and turn all that energy and extra time into service helping advance the cause.
Then, there is a small minority of completely irrational men who are unable to do anything except criticize the movement. They are clinically addicted to anger. They never get off the pity pot. They spend all day arguing viciously with others over trivialities, and insulting anyone that does not lay down before them. They do not respond to reason. They are not capable of rational discussions of fact or history.
These are the men who truly deserved the divorces they were served. They are incapable of maintaining a close relationship. To them, everything is a power play. Cooperation is something that only women do. These guys think they can hang out in the men's movement and hide among the good guys without being noticed.
If you are one of the jerks who did deserve your divorce, experienced leaders can spot you immediately. We fall over backwards to help good guys. But if you are a lurker in the movement, you are wasting your time.
If you are one of the guys who think that revoking the 19th amendment is the answer, I guarantee you that no leader in this movement will give you the time of day. Replacing one form of inequality with a previous one will not fly in the men's movement or anywhere else. The men's movement necessarily has to be very careful about who it associates with, who it defends, and who speaks for the movement, because it will take only one backfire to set the men's movement back a decade.
We will distance ourselves at least 1000 miles from you -- because feminists maintain their superior position by telling America that the men's movement wants to kill the 19th amendment -- and they quickly point to jerks posting on MND and elsewhere to prove it.
Recently, I stopped permitting comments in my blogs due to chronic abuse by a handful of extremely loquacious and persistent individuals -- who think it their right to assault the work of others and make nutty insulting remarks. I regret this makes it impossible for the good guys to make comments. The truth is that I don't have time to sit around all day deleting 30 or 40 comments by a few people who really have no business being in this movement. Turning off comments is the only way to keep my columns above-the-groin and on-topic.
A lot of people in Washington and elsewhere read Mens News Daily. It is vastly important that MND present the legitimate men's movement as it truly exists -- a forward-looking movement with positive solutions to improve the lives of men, women, and children; to end divorce by returning to marriage as an expectational norm, and to concurrently resolve America's great budget-busting social problems. Those looking at the men's movement for the first time will not find an insane asylum in my columns.
I am published on many websites in the conservative, libertarian, and more recently liberal websites. Most of them do not permit comments -- perhaps for the same reason I have turned mine off.
It seems that a lot of people out there are starting to "get" the men's movement and to listen to us. I get many great ideas and comments from readers on other websites -- and rarely an irrational response. What is truly bizarre, and what requires serious contemplation (particularly by those who think they know it all), is that I get far more grief from the few disagreeable jerks my own movement than I do from all the other websites combined (including comments from feminists).
Let it be fully understood that this movement will not be presentable to the rest of America until it is presentable to itself. If you want the men's movement to succeed, take your anger out and refine your thinking privately in a discussion group. Do not post anything on MND that will set the movement back, or alienate new blood coming into the movement. Help grow the movement, and never shoot it in the foot in a moment of anger or misunderstanding. If you do not understand something, ask a good question. Never respond with knee-jerk attacks.
If you don't have something constructive to say, don't say anything at all. Mike LaSalle has gone to great personal expense and invested thousands of hours building a great platform for the men's movement to work from. You should be helping him accomplish the goals of the men's movement, not trying to kill it.
People follow leaders because they have ideas worth following. Leaders show the path, and teach others how to do that too. Leaders (and organizations) often work just one issue -- and other leaders know that it is wise to let them work their specialty while collaboratively magnifying each other's work. By working many different issues, and building upon each other's work, we win.
Seasoned leaders of today's men's movement learned from the mistakes of the early men's movement. We will not repeat them. You will never see a leader in this movement destroy the work of another for this very reason. We have worked very hard for many years to get the men's movement to where it is today -- often with no compensation. We will not let a few nuts queer the doo.
I have always encouraged others to take what they know, add it into the mix, and take this movement to the next level. The men's movement needs more great leaders, writers and spokespeople. In fact, the person who has the magnetism to become the "Martin Luther King" of the movement could land on MND any time.
If you are a go-getter with a mission, and truly believe you have the talent, the guts, the wisdom, and the vision to make a difference, I urge you to seize the opportunity. But if you are not willing to patiently and studiously go the long mile over a long time period, and to spend some time learning the ropes, it is best to just pitch in and do what you can given the time, skillset, and resources you have available to you.
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David R. Usher is Senior Policy Analyst for the True Equality Network and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children, Missouri Coalition