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Topics - stands2p
21
Exhibit A
A woman gets pregnant by her low achieving boyfriend. While still in the early stages of gestation, she seeks the "attentions" of a fellow with a steady job (assuring him she is protected/infertile.) Once her child is born, she slaps the steady job holder with a paternity suit. She and the low achiever ride a fat monthly check from the steady job fellow for years upon years, enjoying free child care whenever the need arises.
Exhibit B
A woman is dating a fellow but the relationship is stormy and uncertain. They have arguments followed by passionate reconciliations. After one of the passionate reconciliations, she finds she is pregnant. She decides she no longer wants the fellow in her life and goes on to have her baby and lives a full life, never telling him he is a father.
22
After careful consideration, I decided what women really need is their own "Seven ages of Woman." Men are rightly annoyed that women are demanding continuously more rights but showing no signs of growth in the responsibility department. Male notions of duty, honor etc. come largely from literature. I threw this together in about 20 minutes so knock yourself out if you can top it.
A Gender corrected parody of Act II Scene 7 of Shakespeare's
"As You Like It"
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one woman in her time plays many parts,
Her acts being seven ages.
At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the beaming school-girl, with her satchel
And shining morning face, hand raised, bouncing in her seat,
bursting with answers, thriving in a world of rules and rewards.
And then the teen diva,
Seething like furnace with newfound power to cloud men's minds,
ever daring disaster to see what more her siren's song can bring.
Then a Cosmo-girl
Cell phone ever at her ear; coiffure'd and perpetually dieting,
Jealous of her daughter, sudden and quick in traffic,
Seeking the superwoman reputation, planning her divorce
And then the faded rose
Surgeon, beautician, couture, repeat
With eyes severe and beard and moustache waxed,
And so she plays her part.
The sixth age shifts
Full of the wisdom of her years and vocal cords going strong
Freed of feminine expectations
Longing to control the lives of those around her
Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.
23
The middle of the road is a bad, but popular place to be. With almost any issue, there are two obvious and usually painful alternatives. Complicating the already agonizing debate between the logical alternatives is the inane notion that there can always be a middle option that achieves "consensus" between the two extremes. In any private forum, this notion is easily silenced by simply closing the door. In our great braying democracy, the jabbering, Oprah-watching masses insist that their "split-the-difference" twaddle makes them "moderate" and that they have a "right" to be heard. [Oh fudge, my quote key just melted.]
I submit that it is the addition of women's voices to public discourse that has sent us spiraling down the sewer toward collapse and anarchy. Women want all conflicts to be solved through peaceful discussion (until THEY get mad, at which time clubbing with cell phones is the way to go.) Reinforcing this tendency is the fact that some men will adopt these soft political postures in hopes of impressing attractive women (and it does work.) Politicians with any interest in re-election must seek to appear moderate to gain the votes of these vacant drones. Bold, decisive action and original thought have become politically untenable.
I don't in the least advocate trying to revoke the right of suffrage from women (they deserve as much suffrage as the rest of us.) What I do advocate is that conservative women quit hiding in the wings. Last week's news should hearten anyone thinking of plunging into politics: If Cynthia McKinney can be a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, anyone can.
24
Am I really the only one who sees the following solucion perfecto? Let's simply invite Mexicans to dissolve their ridiculous government and cede their sovereignty to the United States (we'll even take Belize, if they're up for it.) Within a decade or so they'd be enjoying the benefits of modern sewage systems and safer roads and highways. The air in Mexico City would no longer be instantly lethal. People could start successful businesses in a wide range of industries without having to pay their first ten years of anticipated profits upfront to the local cacique.
What would we get out of this? We'd get about 100 million new friends and neighbors with a great work ethic and fantastic cuisine. We'd be in position to deliver a crotch-kick to the drug trade that would cause the market for jewel encrusted dental work to collapse overnight. Family road-trip vacations would take on a whole new dimension. Maybe someone would eventually be able to explain to me the popularity of professional soccer, maybe.
Vincente Fox is demanding a say in United States immigration policy. Advocates for lax policies toward ILLEGAL immigration think marching around with a Mexican flag is helping their cause. We SHOULD welcome anyone who wants to earn a living so badly they will risk their lives for the chance. But the failed governments of the countries from whence these immigrants come should be held accountable for their laughable incompetence. Sovereignty is irrelevant when your fleeing citizens pose a problem to your neighbors.
Annex Mexico!
25
There was a video clip on CNN today about a 911 dispatcher in California who blew off a caller. Listening to portions of the tape, it DOES sound like this particular dispatcher might have done better to have taken a Mental Health Day than to have treated this caller as she did. HOWEVER, if you tally up the number of times the caller said "ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod" you have to admit that an appropriately skeptical dispatcher just might get stuck in a loop as she tried to establish the sincerity and severity of the caller's situation.
I truly hope that, if my family and friends were ever in trouble and relying on me to summon help, I could manage my fear and distress well enough to coherently describe where I was and what was wrong.
It sounds like the callers escaped tragedy (tomorrow's news will reveal that the "assailant" was the women's pal, playing a prank) Let's hope all parties take a lesson in masculine modes of communication.
26
The internet offers some great alternatives to the Mainstreammedia. It's good to know that not everyone is taken in by the New York Times and National Public Radio and the pantheon of teleprompter readers. But there is a troubling noise coming from the undercarriage of the websites, programs and publications aimed at the conservative male; I think that noise might be WHINING!
We men have Shakespeare whose St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V reminds us that honor is a rare and precious thing. Polonius' brief advice to his son Laertes in Hamlet would fit nicely on an index card slipped into the wallet you give to your son as he leaves for college. Rudyard Kipling gives us "If" so we can know just how much fairness we can expect from life and "Gunga Din" in case we ever think the way someone looks or where they are from will tell us Jack Shit about who they really are. For lighter reading, we have Louis L'amour whose hundreds of stalwart protagonists face adversity and injustice with stoicism and resolute adherence to principle. We even have Robert Bly to tell us it's okay to sit around the campfire and tell your best pals that you love them (but let's just leave it at a firm handshake on Monday.)
Women have a different set of literary treasures to draw on. Their principles are reflected in such aphorisms as these: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; A girl's got a right to change her mind; All's fair in love and war. (That last one isn't as true as it was before men got together and wrote the Geneva Conventions.) Women have romance novels wherein it takes eight hundred pages for some sheltered bimbo to get her boots knocked by the stable boy. Women have Cosmopolitan magazine (written and published by women) to give them fresh insights each month to finding happiness through dieting, shopping and cosmetics. Women have Lifetime Television and it's sisters which I can't stand to watch long enough to know much more than that they have lots of ads for soap and tampons.
Women are taught to lie. Women are taught that the things they do and say when they are upset don't count. Women are taught that when they don't get what they want, any measures AT ALL can and should be used.
Guys, let's be men. Yes, we are getting pummeled in the family courts, the schools are short-changing our sons, we are being generally bad-mouthed by a vocal coven of bitter, ill-groomed hussies who spent too much time in graduate school trying to compensate for not getting asked to the prom. But quit boo hooing and suck it up and let's figure out what we are going to do about these things. We built the family courts, we built the education system and we built the media outlets where these harpies do their harping. We can hold our own if we remember who we are and what the universe expects of us. Sit down with your best pals, open the recreational beverage of your choice and decide the things you will somehow make happen. If you have need for Kleenex, you aren't doing it right.
27
The internet offers some great alternatives to the Mainstreammedia. It's good to know that not everyone is taken in by the New York Times and National Public Radio and the pantheon of teleprompter readers. But there is a troubling noise coming from the undercarriage of the websites, programs and publications aimed at the conservative male; I think that noise might be WHINING!
We men have Shakespeare whose St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V reminds us that honor is a rare and precious thing. Polonius' brief advice to his son Laertes in Hamlet would fit nicely on an index card slipped into the wallet you give to your son as he leaves for college. Rudyard Kipling gives us "If" so we can know just how much fairness we can expect from life and "Gunga Din" in case we ever think the way someone looks or where they are from will tell us Jack Shit about who they really are. For lighter reading, we have Louis L'amour whose hundreds of stalwart protagonists face adversity and injustice with stoicism and resolute adherence to principle. We even have Robert Bly to tell us it's okay to sit around the campfire and tell your best pals that you love them (but let's just leave it at a firm handshake on Monday.)
Women have a different set of literary treasures to draw on. Their principles are reflected in such aphorisms as these: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; A girl's got a right to change her mind; All's fair in love and war. (That last one isn't as true as it was before men got together and wrote the Geneva Conventions.) Women have romance novels wherein it takes eight hundred pages for some sheltered bimbo to get her boots knocked by the stable boy. Women have Cosmopolitan magazine (written and published by women) to give them fresh insights each month to finding happiness through dieting, shopping and cosmetics. Women have Lifetime Television and it's sisters which I can't stand to watch long enough to know much more than that they have lots of ads for soap and tampons.
Women are taught to lie. Women are taught that the things they do and say when they are upset don't count. Women are taught that when they don't get what they want, any measures AT ALL can and should be used.
Guys, let's be men. Yes, we are getting pummeled in the family courts, the schools are short-changing our sons, we are being generally bad-mouthed by a vocal coven of bitter, ill-groomed hussies who spent too much time in graduate school trying to compensate for not getting asked to the prom. But quit boo hooing and suck it up and let's figure out what we are going to do about these things. We built the family courts, we built the education system and we built the media outlets where these harpies do their harping. We can hold our own if we remember who we are and what the universe expects of us. Sit down with your best pals, open the recreational beverage of your choice and decide the things you will somehow make happen. If you have need for Kleenex, you aren't doing it right.
