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Messages - Amber

1171
I know I'm preaching to the choir ... but the article below suggests that in order to suffocate male violence, we need to turn boys into girls.  We need to teach them about "fairness."  I'm sorry, but what the hell.  

Instead of suffocating men's "violence," shouldn't one harness it?  Guide it.  Mold it.  Funnel it into productive ends.  Get them in sports etc. to allow them to grow in a rational way?  

Furthermore, by trying to turn men into girls, does this not make them that much more angry?  That much more likely to be violent?  That much more likely to rebel and turn into violent monsters?

Is that what they want?  A self fulfilling prophecy.  Define masculinity as violence, do things which create an environment in whih men do become violent (i.e. trying to make boys become girls), then point to it again, and say Look, there it is!

Masculinity does not need suffocated.  It needs managed.  I know this gets a big "duh," but its simple and honest message should make it that much more easy to inject it into mainstream culture.


Our Complicity in Linking Masculinity to Violence
© 1999 Michele Toomey, PhD
[email protected]
Note: This article first appeared in "Independent School," fall, 1999.

Masculinity based on violence is a tradition that is exploding in our faces. Traditionally, proof of manhood can be established either by taking abuse without flinching or by displaying macho bravado by threatening to inflict abuse or actually doing it. Today's version of masculinity and violence has several new twists. Verbal abuse is flagrant and promoted, killing has replaced attacking, and the bullied are no longer willing to earn their stripes by enduring. They are striking back with deadly vengeance.

We, you the parents and we the educators, are among those being blamed for this horrific turn of events. Together we are seen as members of the two major institutions, schools and families, responsible for educating and protecting our children. The current prevalence of violence in the schools has cast the shadow of blame on us. We are, whether we like it or not, being confronted by public opinion and asked to be accountable for our failure to prevent or stop this trend. It is only right that we stand up, take stock, take a position, and take the lead in helping to bring about a redirection of youthful male energy and anger. Their search for meaning and belonging must be redirected toward intimacy and fairness coupled with caring and respect, and away from alienation and hostility that spills over into violence and rage.

Public schools may be bearing the brunt of the criticism at present, but without intervention, the less dramatic but still abusive rumblings that bubble beneath the surface of our homes and schools will eventually boil over into more violent expressions. What then, can we do to take the lead in changing this frightening trend? As someone who has been trying to address this issue in private schools for over 10 years with marked success, I have an approach and a plan that I invite you to consider and then, hopefully, to implement.

First, to stand up and take stock, we must assess our own biases regarding proof of masculinity through violence. If we already encourage our sons and male students to reveal their feelings of fear, worry, hurt or vulnerability without giving them the "stiff upper lip" pep talk because we fear they will become wimps or sissies, we have passed the level one "macho detection test". If we are caught in our own fear that they will lose their masculinity, we need to look at why we are fearful of male vulnerability and determine if we want to learn how to reconcile strength with vulnerability and masculinity. If we are willing to assess our biases, then we can proceed in good faith and become part of the solution. If we are not willing, and are stuck in the bravado mode, we are, unfortunately, part of today's problem and, as such, are partly to blame for the climate of violence that prevails. We have failed level one of the macho detection test and cannot proceed because we have the wrong orientation to masculinity and power.

The next step is to take a position. Protection from masculinity linked to violence, is masculinity linked to the courage of accountability and fairness. It takes courage to confront others and exact accountability, because it means revealing that we are being negatively affected by something someone else said or did. Once we reveal we are affected, we are in a vulnerable position because the information can be used against us. We have shown a potential "enemy" how they can "get us". However, accountability, if valued, is a wonderful vehicle for fairness, and fairness does not make enemies and is never a breeding ground for violence. Rather, it yields a sense of safety and allows for understanding to occur, which, in turn, leads to connectedness, to intimacy, that never fosters alienation and anger. Instead, it provides a safe place and safe way to express and experience fear, hurt, disappointment, or anger without abuse that leads to violence.

If we accept this position that confrontation with accountability is a protection against violating anger, then in taking the lead we must commit ourselves to learning the skills of confrontation and accountability. A confrontation is not an attack or an accusation, it is a revealing of how something that has been said or done has affected us, and an exacting of others that they claim what was going on for them when they spoke or acted in a particular way. The purpose of the confrontation is to gain insight and greater understanding and then resolve the issue fairly, not to establish blame or punish. In the course of the exchange, the revealing will add a deeper level of understanding of each other. The resolution that evolves should be fair to all and no one should feel defeated or diminished.

To take the lead, we must learn how to confront and be accountable, how to model it and demand it of all our children and our students. Schools must look to their role in developing a curriculum for teaching confrontation and accountability and in creating a climate of fairness and respect with no tolerance for verbal or physical abuse. Parents must endorse, model and then expect schools to help teach our children to learn the way of confrontation and accountability. Masculinity will then be linked to accountability and not to violence.



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1172
Main / College student on sexual harassment
Jul 29, 2003, 10:58 AM
Dear Loren,

I saw you column in the Daily Collegian and as the former president of the Independent Women's Club, I feel it is my duty to point you towards honesty in statistics in feminist issues.  

The one in four women who were raped statistic was performed by MS Magazine, a radical feminist magazine, and published well over a decade ago.  The researcher herself, Mary Koss, acknowledges that 73 percent of the young women counted as rape victims were not aware they had been raped. Forty-three percent of them were dating their "attacker" again.  If you do the math, it is only about 6.75% of women who even believe they were raped.  

It seems most normal girls accept this statistic without challenging it, which is fine.  But as a columnist working for a media outlet, I recommend that dedication to honesty and challenging ideas should be a central value, if not a duty, of yours.

I sincerely hope you will investigate the issues you write on, and keep a hawkish eye towards the truth as you write.  I recommend www.SheThinks.org and www.IWF.org as two places to start.

Sincerely,

Amber Pawlik
1173
Main / PSU Professor a murderer
Jul 29, 2003, 10:23 AM
In related news ...

Man gets stabbed at frat


A man was stabbed with a knife during a party at Kappa Alpha fraternity, 234 E. Beaver Ave., at about 1:30 Sunday morning, the State College Police Department said.

A fistfight broke out while people were exiting the party and ended when a 22-year-old student was stabbed in the arm and hit with a metal pole in the fraternity's front yard, police said. The victim was taken to Centre Community Hospital and has been released, police said.

Police said they have identified several suspects and will file charges once the investigation is complete.

-- by Nicholas Kershbaumer

---------------------------------------------------------


Hey, what do they expect, with professors who have triple murders under their belt teaching them?
1174
Main / PSU Professor a murderer
Jul 29, 2003, 10:21 AM
Krueger has not resigned
Despite news reports stating otherwise, the Penn State professor who served jail time for murder never contacted the university.


By Nichole Dobo  
Collegian Staff Writer
Paul E. Krueger, the Penn State professor who murdered three men in 1965, has not contacted the university with a resignation -- despite reports he accepted a teaching position in California, university spokesman Bill Mahon said.

"We haven't received any word from him yet," Mahon said. "And we will not and cannot make plans based on news reports."

Penn State has no plans to dismiss Krueger and is still investigating the circumstances surrounding the felony conviction.

Krueger is scheduled to teach four classes in the fall -- all graduate level workforce education courses. In two of these, WF ED 550 (research and workforce education) and WF ED 597G (survey research), he teaches the only section of the course listed.

Even though Krueger has not resigned, there has been a push within the College of Education to reassign his classes so graduate students are not forced to delay coursework, said Jeff Deitrich, coordinator for the College of Education relations.

Professors in the workforce education department have "rallied together" to make sure none of the classes have to be cancelled for the fall semester, Deitrich said.

"The faculty are planning to reassign the classes to other faculty," he added. "We might have to hire some adjunct professors for some of the more specialized classes."

The university did not ask Krueger if he had any prior felony convictions. However, Krueger did not offer any information, Mahon said.

"I think it's important to recognize that this is a man who the state judicial system and the governor thought was rehabilitated enough to be set free," Mahon said. "This is something that happened three decades ago."

A number of prior employers gave Krueger "spotless" recommendations, Mahon said.

The university has received a "handful" of notes and calls from Krueger's former students and from colleagues -- all praising the professor, Mahon said.
1175
Main / 1st public gay high school set for NY
Jul 29, 2003, 10:12 AM
You know, in this age of absolutely decrepit and failing high schools ... I can't believe they are donating a few million for the sole purpose of having a gay friendly high school, ... instead of possibly pouring some money in into an elite challenging school that is not gay friendly, but rather smart/hardworking kid friendly.
1176
Main / College student on sexual harassment
Jul 29, 2003, 10:11 AM
If she has another article in defense of men, I'll let you know.
1177
Main / College student on sexual harassment
Jul 29, 2003, 10:10 AM
She sounds like a dipshit.
1178
Main / Top Ten 'Kick Ass' Females in movies
Jul 29, 2003, 10:07 AM
Yeah, Dan and I noticed that about the Pirates of the Caribean too.  It was feminist-ized, with the girl saving him too at the end.  Cheesy, but to be expected.  Other than that (which only really served to add another annoying twist to the already twisty turvy movie), it was a good movie.

In Lara Croft too ... the Chinese woman says to her, when Lara shows up with a man "Oh my, I can't beleive Lara is travelling with someone, usually she travels alone."  Whereas most male heroes in movies embrace female sidekicks, Lara Croft made it a point that she didn't need, or usually didn't need, a male sidekick.  

But, of course, Lara Croft totally fell flat so poohey on them.
1179
Main / 1st public gay high school set for NY
Jul 28, 2003, 07:23 PM
..
1180
Main / Top Ten 'Kick Ass' Females in movies
Jul 28, 2003, 06:26 PM
I agree, most of these films sucked.  I almost spit up my water when I saw the first two films they listed were Demi Moore GI Jane and Sharon Stone.  These two ladies metamorphose from porn star to feminist woman to Rapunzel in distress in 2 seconds if they think that's where the attention is.  Strong, convincing characters they are not.  Full of false, flagrant bravado they are.  


Dan and I were trying to name strong characters in movies, ironically, just last night.  We thought of Linda Hamilton and Jodie Foster and a few others.  We were genuinely stumped to try to think of them.  Then this list came out.  Funny.

I notice that Jodie Foster was one of the few, if not the only really credible lead female hero role - and she was completely sexless in the movie (Silence of the Lambs).  Most competent *and* feminine/sexy women in roles played auxilary roles to a dominant male character.  That's not true of men.  The more alpha male he gets, the more sexually desirable he gets.

Lara Croft certainly doesn't speak a good name for strong female figures in movies.  

But, then again, I know a lot more strong women in real life than I have seen in this shabby list or any movie.
1181
Main / 1st public gay high school set for NY
Jul 28, 2003, 05:52 PM
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1182
Main / ...
Jul 28, 2003, 07:46 AM
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1183
Main / Top Ten 'Kick Ass' Females in movies
Jul 28, 2003, 07:38 AM
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1184
Main / Hunting For Bambi Was a Hoax
Jul 28, 2003, 07:22 AM
Dan may be right ... several capitalists have money invested in feminism because it allows them to ring those 'bells.'  This guy totally used the outrage he knew would come from the well organized feminist movement to sell a video game.
1185
Main / College student on sexual harassment
Jul 28, 2003, 07:17 AM
My Opinion
Students should demand stricter punishments for sexual assaulters


There have been three incidents this summer of sexual assault, and all of them have gone unsolved. It is amazing that the police have so few leads about the assaults that have occurred this summer. Were there really no witnesses? When things like this happen, silence can be just as violent as the crime.

For those of you who liken this column to a broken record playing, sit and think for a minute. Most statistics say that one out of four college women will be raped. That one woman could be your girlfriend, your sister, or your best friend.

If you type in "Anwar Phillips" in Yahoo's search engine, quite a few results will appear. Graham Spanier's words on the incident are well-documented on the Internet, as is Joe Paterno's silence. One link that shows up is a cnnsi.com tracker of Phillips' play for the 2003 school year. Obviously, there are zeroes across the board, and if Penn State University is as just as it claims to be, his standings will remain that way.

When the ugly truth came out in April that the nickleback had admitted to assaulting a woman, the general response from students wasn't nearly as outraged as it should have been.

Phillips was slapped on the wrist with a two-semester expulsion, and has the opportunity to return to Penn State in the fall.

If he does return, his punishment includes missing ZERO football games. It is an embarrassment to the university that our "just" judicial system would allow this to happen.

And since the occurrence, nothing has been done. Phillips won't speak to the press, Paterno still won't comment and an alleged sexual assaulter can come back to PSU in the fall. Granted, he hasn't been convicted in court yet, but shouldn't anyone who has allegedly done this type of crime be forced away from here until he is or isn't?

Every time a woman is raped at Penn State, the same response occurs: how terrible, we must find the perpetrators, etc.

A very nice woman on the line from Judicial Affairs explained to me that the reason the expulsion is for two semesters and not permanent is because a more severe punishment might keep victims silent. A lot of victims don't want their assaulter's life to be greatly affected. Instead they would like them to get counseling.

That answer made more sense to me than anything I have heard before, but I, for one, have a hard time understanding why someone who admitted that he assaulted a woman is allowed back on this campus. The leaders of this school would like us to believe that they are very dedicated to making this campus as safe as possible. Ah, but the shepherds are willing to let alleged wolves frolic in the pasture.

Since this school thinks that it is okay to let someone like Anwar Phillips back into the university, maybe we should all be very educated about how to respond in case someone like him attacks someone like you.

From what people say, the State College Police Department is excellent when it comes to rape cases.

They are sensitive toward the victim, and they are very thorough in their investigation.

There are a number of resources on campus available for people who have been assaulted such as the Center for Women Students, Center for Counseling and Psychological Services and, of course, University Health Services.

Not enough students use the assets we have. The Undergraduate Student Government (USG) is our mouth to an organization such as Judicial Affairs. If you are interested in seeing a rule changed, don't just sit there- do something about it.

Let USG know how you feel, and if they do their job correctly, your voice will be heard. Do you want harsher penalties for sexual assaulters? Then tell your student representatives -- demand that they fight for a change.

All lines of communication at this school need to be used more often. I found that by making one phone call, a lot of my questions were answered, and my opinion was even changed.

You all need to get more involved too. This is your school, your money, your blue and white.

I'm sure none of us want the blue and white to be donned by an alleged sexual assaulter.



Loren Ferguson is a senior majoring in English and is a Daily Collegian columnist. Her e-mail address is [email protected].