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Topics - Assault

Main / Tell them they are loved
Apr 19, 2004, 02:47 AM
I stole another great article that really hit home with me. This one's from a skydiving board I frequent. This woman wrote a touching and beautiful reminder to everyone. Read it.

I know a man. He works hard, has 4 jobs, so his beautiful wife can stay home with their children. He is talented - he has a musicality that is rare and a joy to be heard. He is intelligent, and is quick to understand things and see applications. He is a very bright light in this world, helping others as he is able, and sometimes going above and beyond. He has compassion - he would give you the shirt off his back if you were in need.

He is my brother.

He is getting his real estate license, and I am training him. When that's done, we will be partners. I can't wait. So tonight, as we leave the office, we get to talking about things. Standing there in the twilight, watching the clouds, tinged in greys and salmons, scud across the sky, we talk. About his world, my world; about sailing ships and sealing wax...just things. And then he gets into his car - and I grab the door, stick my face in, and tell him "I love you, and you are wonderful" and grin at him. I turn to pick up my briefcase and purse, and look over my shoulder at him.

He's sitting there, hands over his face, in his car. And then he comes out of it, fast. Already moving toward him, I drop my stuff. He is crying. Deep, heartfelt sobs. My brother. Strong, stalwart, invincible. My big brother. Crying.

And I open my arms and hold him close, just me and him. As the sun sets, and as his tears fall, I hold him, rocking him gently. He is much bigger than me - I am 5'7", and he is 6'4". But somehow it works. He buries his head in my shoulder and just cries. I am not sure what is wrong, but right now, in this moment, it doesn't matter that I know - it simply matters that I hold him and love him.

He straightens up and tells me he hasn't heard that he is loved in a long time, not the way I said it. Not really. His wife tells him in her way, but he can't hear it sometimes, I guess. I, in impish fashion, simply said I love you. Nothing more, nothing less. And that reached down into him, and I hear all the things which are going on in his life, and all the things that he sees as going wrong. Problems at work, problems at home...and all bottled up and shoved down deep, no-one but he and God knowing.

My simple communication brought this from him, and, as I stand there, listening, holding his hand, just loving him and listening, I can't help but think how many moments we let go by without telling people we love that we do love them; how many people need to hear that from us, how much that means to them. It scared me, his intensity, his tears, but I also understand them. I can't fix his problems, but I can listen to him, and I can love him.

Often, we get all wrapped up in our own troubles, and think that "no-one cares". We think, and behave, as if the world revolves around only our troubles, and that the world will end if we don't solve them. This is sometimes true, but this attention to self's issues can blind us to others who are hurting, or who need to be reassured.

So take a moment, and let them know. Spare a little effort, and move away from self. Call them, reach out to them, let them know. Let them know that someone cares, and someone will listen if they need an ear. Let them know that they have value, and that they contribute to you.

Tell them they are loved.  8)
Main / Getting to know you
Apr 18, 2004, 12:54 AM
Tricycle had a great idea; a getting to know you thread. So, here goes; but first a musical introduction.

*starts singing*

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.
Getting to like you, getting to hope you like me.

*hangs head in shame* :roll:

Age: 34
Sex: Male
Status: Divorcing
Education: College degree
Occupation: Correctional Officer/I.E.R.T Member/Attack dog handler
Hobbies: Professional Mixed martial arts fighter, bodybuilding

Interesting things you've done:

Skydiving - Awesome

Played in a bar band for a few years

Fought professionally in front of thousands of people

Learned to shoot a 9mm riflle, AR15 rifle, revolver, taser, gas guns,

Saved 2 men's lives on 2 seperate occasions

Ride a motorcycle

Gotten tattoos and piercings in various places  8)
Main / Life lesson from your dog
Apr 18, 2004, 12:30 AM
This may be old to some, but I found it funny and cute. :lol:


If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Main / Homo-phobia?
Apr 13, 2004, 11:20 AM
I posted this on another site and I thought I'd post it here as well, just to see what the reaction is. Flame away! :)

I'm just kind of curious here.....why are so many of you on this site and others like it so threatened by gays? Really....who cares? Who are you people to say what can happen between consenting adults?  

To each thier own as far as I'm concerned. The only problem I have with homosexuals is thier apparent need to tell everyone in earshot about thier sexual preference. I don't walk around saying "Hi, my name's Assault and I'm heterosexual!"   :roll:

Sometimes i'm really apalled by the things people concern themselves with. I mean, I'm disgusted by fat women, but I don't go around trying to run them off and isolate them. I simply don't sleep with fat women. See how easy that is? If you're not into homosexuality, don't sleep with men.  :shock:
Main / Best commercial EVER!!!
Apr 03, 2004, 10:57 AM
This commercial won't be aired apparently, but I think it's the best commercial I've ever seen. This is all CGI so don't get your PETA panties in a knot about the cat. :lol:
Main / A personal rant
Apr 02, 2004, 05:31 AM
I would just like to get this off my chest, so I hope no one minds. I'm just really depressed and frustrated.

I'm in the process of a divorce (or legal reaming) and my ex used all the classic tactics that many women use thanks to Canada's crazy family court system. False allegations, using the children, blatantly lying, etc. At one time she accused me of being a drug addict, alcoholic, wife beating, thief, who is intent on killing her. My boss and some co-workers were in the courtroom that day, and they told me when they heard that, they knew she was a liar. I NEVER use drugs. I only drink once every 6 months or so (my friends make fun of me for this), I've never beaten my wife (although I admit to slapping her ONE time after I caught her cheating on me for the SECOND time in our marriage), and I pay for whatever I need, thank you. As for killing her..... I wish.

Anyway, for the past year I was fighting the farce of a family justice system to no avail. I even tried numerous times to negotiate with my ex on the side just to get it over, but she wants as much money as possible and as little responsibility with the children as possible.  Out of desperation, I even offered to take the children FULL TIME and let her see them on the weekends or whenever she wanted, and I wouldn't ask for support from her. But no, she wants the money.

So, we had what was supposed to be our final court appearance yesterday and I'm sitting in the lounge area. My ex walks by with her lawyer (she won't even make eye contact the coward), and they go into a conference room. My lawyer goes hands them my statement of income and leaves and shuts the door. A few minutes later I can hear my ex and her lawyer giggling and laughing. They're talking like she just it the freaking lottery! I was so mad.

My base salary is $45,000.00 but since my wife left and I was VOLUNTARILY of my own accord giving her $500.00 per month for the kids as well as taking on all the bills, I had to work overtime to live. Well my income rose to $65,000.00 because of this. So, she wants the child support based on this figure! My lawyer suggested a medium of $60,000.00 so I might at least have a chance of survival, but no she wants the maximum.

The judge tried to get her to compromise at $62,000.00 but she wouldn't budge. The judge eventually threw up his hands and left the courtroom in frustration. So now, we have yet ANOTHER court date.

I have joint access to the children but I can't afford to have them over so I haven't seen them for more than a few hours since October. My son and I despise each other now. My daughter is heart broken.

My child support payments are going to be around $850.00 per month. I will be forced to live in a room. I have to give my truck back to the dealership. And God knows what else.

By the way, the guy that she cheated on me with the second time.....left her a month later when he found out who I was and that my ex had two kids, etc. I hope it was worth it for her.

Sorry for the long rant, I didn't even scratch the surface though. She had me arrested 3 times. Nearly had me fired. Etc, etc. :evil:
This is so disgusting......I'm livid! :evil:,2933,115519,00.html
Main / Brain Dead
Mar 28, 2004, 08:34 PM
Brain Dead

While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack.

The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.

After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, "We've never had a Liberal in the family before!"
Main / Life as a guy
Mar 26, 2004, 09:00 PM
I thought this film was hilarious!! I apologize if this has been posted in the past, but it's too funny not to share. :lol:
Main / Child support survival tips
Mar 26, 2004, 03:51 PM
I was wondering if anyone has some ideas on how I can survive for the next 10 years paying a ridiculous amount of child (Mommy?) support?

Basically I bring home about $2200.00 per month and I'm being forced to pay $800.00 in child support. I tried working overtime to pay my bills and eat, but my ex just had the child support level RAISED to match it!!!

This is crazy! How is she entitled to any additional money I make after she left? It doesn't make sense. I can at least understand the argument that when we were together, she helped me obtain (yeah right :roll: ) this job and my current level of pay, but after she left it's all up to me alone. If anything she's a detriment.

I can't get the CS reduced, so the only options I can think of are;

Getting a roomate (yuck)

Moving in with some woman (not going to happen even though I've been asked my quite a few.)

???? I don't know what else.....Any help would be appreciated. :?
Main / Letter written by a heartbroken man
Mar 26, 2004, 06:00 AM
Letter written by a heartbroken man to his estranged wife......

Dear Audrey,

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I ouldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking.

Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies,it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad any more. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, "Look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed?" Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before.

I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Pontins last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. she said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too, because I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, she really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looks like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Audrey. in your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

Otherwise, can you let me know where the Satelite remote control is?  :lol:  :lol:
Main / Razor's field guide to Trolls
Mar 26, 2004, 03:59 AM
"Razor's Field Guide to Trolls

A troll is a bulletin board particpant who posts for one or both of two reasons: 1) to disrupt; 2) to gain attention.


The Vulgar Troll. These, the crudest of all trolls, make no attempt to hide their species. Often, they make racist comments, or they may post porn and other spam. Vulgars usually confine their comments merely to primitive, profane, off-topic observations. When you log into the Really Profound Serious Philosophical Discussions board and see the post, "I smell my farts," you've spotted the Vulgar Troll. Other species of troll sometimes revert to this form when cornered.

The Deceptive or "Classic" Troll. More sophisticated but often easily identified and exposed, the Classic Troll gratifies his ego by pretending to be someone or something he or she is not. Classics make up elaborate stories about themselves, sometimes weaving some amounts of truth into their lies. As a web of lies is difficult to build with consistency, however, Classics are often "outed" by other forumites. When this happens, Classic Trolls have a bag of tricks to which they turn:

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 1: If the heat gets too much for you, claim it was all "a joke." In this way you can excuse any and all deceit by claiming people just weren't smart enough to "get" the humor of it.

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 2: Create another account, and log on pretending to be someone else, in order to show support for the Troll in Question (TiQ). These puppet accounts sometimes claim to be disinterested third parties. At other times they pretend to be "friends" of the TiQ.

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 3: When your lies paint you into a corner, claim that your little brother, or some unnamed friend, has commandeered your account and made you look foolish. This technique can also be applied in claiming that the puppet account(s) you created may not, in fact, be disinterested third parties or friends, but that they are your relatives ("little brother" is most common) only trying to help support you.

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 4: When nothing else works, claim that now, finally, you're telling the truth about all the lies you told before. Make up a fresh set of lies, and throw yourself on the mercy of the forumites.

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 5: When all else fails, claim to be leaving forever. Trolls who claim they are leaving never do, of course; you can bet that anyone who proclaims, "I'm never coming back here," will most certainly at least check back for responses, and probably will not be able to resist posting again.

-- Classic Troll Tactic Number 6: Have a tantrum. When all their other tricks are exhausted, Classic Trolls will become angry and start shouting. Often they revert to Vulgar Trolls when this happens.
Main / Comedic double standard
Mar 25, 2004, 01:04 PM
I just wanted to share an observation I've noticed with a few of my female friends as of late.

I will often get jokes from them in my e-mail such as this one I recieved today:

A woman once said a man is like a deck of playing cards, you need....

A heart to love him
A diamond to marry him
A club to smash his fucking head in
A spade to bury him

Now, personally I find that joke pretty funny! I mean I can take a joke and I realize it's in lighthearted fun. My problem comes when i send a joke back to them such as:

Q. What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A. Nothing you haven't told her twice already!

These same women become quite upset and angry! I find it amazing and I usually try to call them on thier bullshit. Some unwillingly see the other side, others do not.

Crazy stuff. :?