They have been together for six years.
She didn't work during this time. He put her through college.
He leaves town for a job. He is gone a few weeks.
He gets a call that she is leaving.
He returns almost everything in the house is gone both large and small things everything from towels to the big screen TV.
They weren't married.
The only thing left is a lawn mower and his business records.
He is determined to keep his lawn mower and business records.
I tell him that he cannot confront her physically in any way.
If he does, he goes to jail.
It doesn't matter that she has just stolen everything he owns virtually. He cannot confront her physically in any way.
We go through the various alternatives and every one is rejected.
The police will laugh at him (it is a small town -- he pretty knows them). If the police come over, they will do little good and might arrest him.
She is saying very ugly and provocative things. She is undoubtedly waiting for a chance to have him arrested for DV.
The best alternative we come up with is for him to have a woman over. A woman can more safely deal with this conflict. The problem is that he doesn't know a woman who would do this for him. His sister would, but his sister is sick. He needs a woman on his side but none is available.
We ultimately decide that he will lock the gate with a new lock. The home is some distance from the gate. She would have to walk a ways. I told him that if she goes over the gate, you get in your truck. Don't open the door. Don't roll down the window. You don't want to expose yourself to the accusation that you did anything physical or even verbal. I told him let her take your damn lawnmower and even the business records. Do not interfere. If you interfere, the risk of going to jail is just too great.
By the way, we did think about moving the business records to another location, but he says the records are just too voluminous. By the way, the whole time we are talking I hear that noise on the phone knowing that he has another call. He says that she is calling him repeatedly.
Years ago, I had gone on a road trip with him and his girlfriend. We met her sisters. I heard her talking to her sisters. They were scheming against her sister's boyfriend or husband. I told him them that she would eventually be trouble. I guess it is rude to be saying "I told you so."
They had been working on a second house. He had invested some $70,000 into that house. It is a long story but suffiice it to say that she schemed around where she is selling the house and he will get nothing. He would ask about his interest, and she would start yelling at him. He decides just to let that go. He says if he pushes that issue she might claim they are married and try to get his equipment (he has a dumptruck, backhoe, etc.). I told him she might do that regardless of whether pushes that issue. He decides that he will try to save his lawnmower and business papers and the second house go. The first house is clearly his separate property.
He is bemoaning his disasters with women. His previous wife had accused him of molesting his daughter. It is a small world. His previous wife and my previous wife were friends or at least acquaintenances. My ex wife moved into a house across the street from her. It scared the hell out of me. My ex wife at one point threatened me with an accusation like that. It scared the hell out of me. She never actually did it -- thank god. He agreed to termination of his rights to his children. Then, like now, he chose to walk away from the problem rather than face confrontation.
Believe it or not, this girlfriend's ex mother in law used the allegation by his ex wife to make an allegation. She wanted to take his girlfriend's children (his girlfriend's ex husband is in prison). The girlfriend's ex mother in law made allegations not that not only that he molested his girlfriend's children but gave specifics like there was blood dripping from her anus. The problem is that it never happened. We pressed hard. The only evidence they had was that his ex wife had made an accusation. The judge was very good in that case. He made an express finding that nothing happened. He was obviously upset. But, of course, nothing happened to the accuser.
He is going to end up paying his girlfriend's mother. She says "she is a hell of a nice woman." Money was borrowed from the girlfriend's mother. He said he would repay it, and he says he will have to pay her.
I tell him. "Think about what you have done right." He says "what?"
First, you didn't have children with her. Second, you have done nothing to give her an excuse to make a DV allegation. Third, you sound like you are holding up pretty well. You should be proud of yourself.
My final advice is "don't answer her phone calls." Don't be around her. If she invades your home, you leave, to hell with the lawnmower and the business papers. I think this is good advice. But, the advice I am giving him is essentially to cower before a woman who is abusing him.
