It may seem weird, or not, but when I told you about being falsely accused, you believed me. When you told us about your story with your ex, it was given credit (it was completely credible, followed a divorce pattern, and even your WARDEN called B.S.) .... bud, I know ... plz trust me I KNOW
.... lol, it's this "syndrome" we MRAs have, where we have to explain and prove ourselves
Let that slide and be a father
, I am not a father
, I can TRY,
to understand, but ultimately, I cannot. As a son who wanted his dad,
I can tell you - separate the two
- "husband falsely accused
" and "father who loves
Maybe I sound like a geek, but looking back, I wanted my dad so badly
... I remember when I was 16. crying to a GF, (she could NOT understand why it bothered me so much) why didn't dad call me.He did.
He sent cards, he called. He
was told I did not want to hear from him. I
was told he did not call or send letters or presents (he did). Please listen to me Assault
, one day, when we reunited, he came to my door. He said (basically) "Look, we spend 1-2 hours a week together. It's obvious we both want more. I'll match your pay, work with me
(electrician - holy heck was I bad at this, lol) and we can get to know each other.
Well, after a few weeks, as the layers got peeled, I asked him: "Dad, why didn't you call me, why didn't you try to reach me
?" He was so obviously distressed. He, in detail
, told me the days and occasions, he had tried to reach out to me. Letters were sent back, phone calls he was told "Steven does not want to speak to you - you left us
", - but I had nothing to do with this, nor were these my wishes.In that one day, again maybe I am weird,
we reconciled. My father is like me, he is a great story teller, what he tells you in May, is what he, in detail, tells you in October. His story rang true
.Be that man Assault
. Be the consistant, reliable, and loving "Northen Star
" for your daughter. Admit your mistakes (hey, God knows I have made many of the same, bro)
so that your word and works are never able to be touched Most importantly with T***** make sure you are ALWAYS straighforward. It can be embarressing, or harsh, and make you feel raw and exposed, but she'll KNOW bro. One day, and only you can know when (and it's scary to know when as a dad) she'll ask about what happened.I do not know T*****, but I do know I wanted to know the truth
. Your advantage is that with your wife being a drama queen, she (T*) will want to hear just honest fresh air. She'll know
On my side of it, and I cannot promise you this, that night, my dad and I went home, and planned a coordinated conversation - the discussion went quite badly for mom. Do not misunderstand me, I LOVE my mom, a lot and without comments. That night both men confronted mom and she tried to walk away. I had many horror stories of what she had done to me, and those truths forced her to stay (extortion or exposure) and we both told her we loved her, but she would never remake history into "momstory" or "herstory". It was, ultimately, a bad night for mom's self image.BTW (edited to add) I talked to her tonight - still love her, she's not "evil" - she just wants to re-write our past)
It is something we do not discuss. But my mother, a POWERFULwoman in political and business circles, who is a leader in New England, avoids this subject.
Also, know this, I tell her she IS loved. She is. But, I am the child who was lied to
, if she brings up my childhood/father she SHUTS UP and looks away, and I do not humiliate her
, but if she tries the "I was the struggling mom" thing, in front of me, or if I hear of it (from her words - gossip), I look at her hard
, and if SHE does not correct the lie .... I do.
Plz understand, I love her. She is my mom. When I was MOB'ing, and while I was married, she was fair, logical, and ... well, motherly. I separate the two
Maybe you guys think I'm weird (ok, lol, I am, shut up
, lol). Recently a mission came up doing convoys in Iraq ... in Baghdad. I volunteered. So many of our guys volunteered and I volunteered late, I did not make the list (sigh).
I mentioned this because my mom FREAKED that I did this. I love her, but she DID steal 2 decades with me to be with my dad.
I Love her, but I ACHED for the love of my dad.Assault, my story was long, but in the same way, I promise you, T***** misses you.
Call her, just love your "peanut", call her your private name, a teen
(almost pre-teen) wants ANYONE to listen to her. Be that guy
. DO NOT be a "yes" man, and I can guess you're a smart dude, and know this. Again, I am not a dad. In some ways I am a bit jealous. Be strong
, be relentless
, and call her
. Ya know how a GF loves a random call? Women (generalization, lol, but positive
), and daughters are women, they love
random phone calls - just to say hi, and that you love her.
Ok, I'm a geek, and willing to expose "me" to help some nice guy (that's you Assault!) .... but if I can do that, ... so can you for T*****.
Does my story, or my advice help in any way ... I sincerely hope so bro.
I hope when this message finds you, it makes you laugh, helps you connect, and is of some use,