If Men Got Pregnant...

[scarbo]

http://featuresblogs.chicagotribune.com/features_julieshealthclub/2007/05/if_men_got_preg.html

WGN aired a piece last night about father-to-be Zachary Duenow, who wore an "empathy belly" for nine months so he could experience some of the symptoms of pregnancy.

But as my friend and colleague Heidi Stevens so rightly wondered:

"Why? Why can't men just let us have pregnancy? It's one of the few things we get. It reminds me of the time a friend was telling me about her labor experience and her husband had to follow up with his story about how painful his knee surgery was.

It's not about you, guys."

Check out the comments section. Here's one of the good ones (emphasis mine):

I don't understand why you are complaining about this man who is trying to empathize with his wife. He's doing a lot more than most fathers-to-be do. Instead of commending him for thinking about his wife, you lambaste him to no end, because men can't possibly understand what it is like to be pregnant and deliver a child.

I've come to the conclusion that you hate men. Yes, I get it. Men can never become pregnant. Women do all the work. But without men, women would never become pregnant. I've read many of your columns and I just don't understand why you seem to always act like being pregnant is the equivalent of martyrdom. My wife has been pregnant 4 times and I've never heard her complain about half the things that you do

[Morgri]

This whole topic is stupid.

If men got pregnant and woman didn't, it would be the same thing. Just alter the gender.

On another note,  I saw a couple of, "There are man bad husbands out there,"... I'm sure there are many bad wives too.

Woman get pregnant, I'm sorry ladies, that's just the way it is. Just make up your mind about whether it's a gift to your gender, or a pure pain in the ass. I always here, "well if you knew what we went through..." Pssh, I bet there is much more feeling to giving birth than pain.

[neonsamurai]

If Men Got Pregnant:

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.

There'd be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.

All methods of birth control would be improved to 100 percent effectiveness.

Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute.

Fathers would demand that their sons be home from dates by 10:00pm.

Men could use their briefcases as diaper bags.

They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him".

Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.

Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

Women would rule the world!

What is quite revealing about the list though is that it is written from a woman's perspective. The idea that if men got pregnant the baby making gender would have an easier ride, which I think is based on a false presumption. It's basically a wish list for women.

Here's another one I just wrote about the army:

If Women Fought Wars:

Military uniforms would be bikinis and high heels.

All battles would be fought in mud pits.

Wars would be covered by Sky Sports.

The US Marines would be sponsored by Budwieser.

H&K would spend millions developing a stealth thong.

War supporters would chant "Make love not war!"

Homosexuality in the army would be a bonus.

Any beach landings would be done in slow motion.

The president would 'inspect the troops' far more frequently.

The army physical would be based around 'hotness'.

Mobile infantry would have rollerskates.

They'd be DVD's called 'Airborne Rangers: GONE WILD!'

'Soldier of Fortune' would out sell 'Playboy'.

Captured soldiers would only give name, rank, serial number, star sign, dietry requirements, where they got those shoes, what this girl in her unit was saying the other day, why her CO is such a skank, how much they like what they've done with the interrogation room, which colour they dye their hair. etc.

Which I think says more about my juvenile mentality that what would really happen if women fought wars, but I hope it makes my point.

[stands2p]

A long time ago, when I would still debate with the occasional feminist, I found a lot of their arguments began with the phrase
"If men got pregnant..." 
They would use this to try to make points about abortion rights, child care, welfare and on and on.  Every time I would hear that phrase, I would interupt as rudely as I could get away with:

THEY'D BE WOMEN!

Western women have imposed a whole culture of catering to the whims of women who are pregnant, have ever been pregnant or might be thinking about being pregnant someday.  Their physical, emotional and especially financial needs are placed above everyone else's. 

The women I have known from other parts of the world think American women are total wimps regarding pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. 

When I was in the Army in the mid-80's, the married guys told me how their wives begged them to get them approval to have their children in a civilian hospital.  This was no small thing for a junior enlisted guy to pull off; kind of like getting your health insurance to pay for cosmetic surgery or something.  The reason the wives wanted this was that they wanted to be pampered and the army hospital didn't do pampering.  The army nurses would roust the new mothers out of bed for exercises rather than scurry to their bedsides to fluff their pillows and offer them snacks.  That is how a masculine organization handled childbirth.

If, by some bizarre science fiction, men started having babies while still being men, there would be a few changes and I doubt women would like them much.

[Mr. X]

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.

Um nearly every disease that ranks the highest in research is a female disease or benefit women and men. Name one disease that benefits only men that ranks more than all other disease research? Men's diseases and ailments ALL take a back seat to women's ailments. Breast cancer is the number one funded research in the country.

More like if women got jock itch, research for jock itch would get as much funding as breast cancer.