Dating a single mom requires patience and understanding, among other things. With more than 11 million single parents in America today, there is a good chance that you may date one at some time. Do you wonder how you should act around your date's children or what you should expect while dating a single mother? Here are a few guidelines to remember when your girlfriend is a single mom.
1. Patience. Be patient if she doesn't want you to meet her children right away. Don't take it personally and think that she doesn't like you enough to introduce you to her kids. First, she should get to know you and give you the opportunity to know her as a woman, before knowing her as a mother. And secondly, children can easily become attached to you. Your date may want to see how the relationship progresses before she lets the children get attached to you and be hurt if the relationship doesn't work out.
2. Understanding. Spontaneity and motherhood don't always mix. As a mother, your date's first priority is her children. She may not be able to make spontaneous plans. Spur-of- the-moment dinner plans may seem romantic, but are unrealistic for most single mothers. Remember that she will need time to find a babysitter. If you want to surprise her with a romantic dinner or theater tickets, take the liberty of calling the babysitter and making all of the arrangements.
3. Know your limitations. Don't ever attempt to discipline her children. Let the mother do all of the disciplining. If you have an issue with a behavior or action, discuss it with the mother when the kids are not around. Don't try to be a father or a father figure to the kids. They probably already have a father and will only resent you if you try to take his place.
4. Offer to pay the babysitter. Many single mothers struggle to pay the bills and support their families. Your date may want to see you more often but can only afford to pay a babysitter once a week. Babysitting fees may put a strain on her budget. It would be a kind gesture to offer to pay the sitter for her.
5. Include the kids. After you have been dating for a while and you feel there will be a long term relationship, you should plan to include the kids in some of your outings. Make plans at least once a month to do group activities that include the children. Make sure the plans include activities that the kids will enjoy.
Dating with children can be a sensitive and delicate matter. The more you try to force a friendship on the children, the more difficult it may be. Relax, be yourself and let a friendship develop.
MY PROBLEMS WITH THIS ARTICLE AND WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT DATING AND SINGLE MOTHERS -
1) It pushes the lie that if you don't date a single parent, there will be no one else out there for you to date. How is this possible? Marriage rates are down, birth rates are down. Are there more single mothers? Yes, but the population is still growing (albeit people living longer throws some complications in those numbers) I don't see how that lie ever works. I mean if you have success dating in general, you should stay there as long as you have your life in order. If you never had any luck before, what says your luck will change so much better or worse all a sudden?
2) It only says what you, you as the male, can do to make life easier for the single mother. It never says what the single mother can do to make your transition to dating her and her circumstances easier for you. I'd imagine it's just as hard for a man to figure out where he stands in a preexisting family structure and find his role in that, does that article even begin to say "Single mothers, you could help the guy by sitting down and seeing what he feels about X or Y"?
3) The article says don't actually be a "father" Initially, to start, I can see that, but down the road? When you are paying the bills and keeping food on the table for those kids? Wow, what a thankless proposition. I can give up my paycheck to feed another mans genetic legacy, pretty much ensuring mine is over, but I have no actual rights or role in that family?
4) Money. It always come down to money. All that articles says is to show the single mother that your money is hers and only there to make her life easier. Is there anything in there to say that single mothers ought to think about career and educational opportunities to increase their own earning power? Does it say in there at all about how single mothers should talk to single men about setting financial goals and figure out if the same financial values exist?
Articles like this bother me because it only says what you, you as the male, can do to make someone else have an easier life. But is that the point of relationships? I thought the point was you got into one to ENRICH both of your lives.
Maybe it's just me, or maybe I'm sick of going to Xmas or New Years parties and the wives of my friends start babbling to the single mothers in the room about what I own and what I have and those chicks making a beeline to me and start prodding me about how much I make and what I do.
WHY DON'T ALL US GUYS JUST GET A BARCODE ETCHED IN OUR FOREHEADS SO EVERYTIME WE WALK PAST A SINGLE MOTHER, WE CAN HEAR A BEEPING SOUND AND MONEY IS AUTOMATICALLY DEDUCTED FROM OUR BANK ACCOUNTS. WOULDN'T THAT BE EASIER FOR ALL OF US IF WE CEASED THE FORMALITIES AND WE MEN JUST HANDED OVER THE CASH SO WE CAN GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET?
(any of you have single mother stories?)
Sorry for the rant. I'm just sick of chicks making no secret (they don't even try to be subtle anymore) that my worthiness in general is linked to my bank account.