Coach, 40, Weds 16-Year-Old Student

Started by gentlegiant, Jun 22, 2007, 10:40 AM

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gentlegiant

Jun 22, 2007, 10:40 AM Last Edit: Jun 22, 2007, 12:38 PM by gentlegiant
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3305652&page=1

What are your thoughts on this one?

The father says that one of the hardest things he ever had to do was to sign the release to allow her to marry the coach. 

To me,  it sounds like he (they, both parents) took the easier way out. 

I dont have kids but if I had a daughter and she was being hit on by her track coach, I would rather be lock up for what I did to the coach than to watch this happen.

Arent parents there for among other things to help their children set proper boundries and to do everything they can to protect them?

Quote
The Hagers are trying to figure out how life went off track for their teenage daughter, Windy.

They envisioned that life for the good student and promising athlete would be filled with dreams of the prom and college, but that all changed this week when Windy, 16, married her high school track coach.


"She was a dream kid," said her mother, Betty Hager. "We'd never have to worry about Windy trying to get by with something."

At South Brunswick High School in North Carolina, Windy's greatest passion was track and field.

"She just always was outside, always running, and her name's Windy -- I guess she was predestined to do love to do that," Betty said.

But that passion led her down a troubling path.


Special Attention From Coach
During Windy's freshman year, her 38-year-old track coach, Brenton Wuchae, began taking a more active interest in her, offering to give the 14-year-old rides home from practice.

"He just seemed like a genuine guy, like he was there for the kids," said Windy's father, Dennis Hager.

But the Hagers eventually grew uneasy. Their phone bills showed text messages between Wuchae and Windy as late as 2 a.m.

They also discovered worrying e-mails. In one, Windy wrote to a friend, "I don't care to look at anyone other than him. He is the apple of my eye, I've never felt this way for someone, but I just don't want to lose him because of my parents' power trips."

The Hagers confronted Wuchae.

"He assured me there was nothing like that going on, [and that] they were just friends. His intentions were purely appropriate," Dennis said.

Not satisfied with that answer, the Hagers turned to the school district, which spoke to the coach.

The principal of the high school wrote to the Hagers, "I have seen nothing but a cooperative attitude from the teacher, and to the best of my knowledge, he has not had any contact with Windy since then."

"School officials can't be responsible for what happens the other hours of the day, and I would think the relationship developed much more outside of school," said Brian Shaw, an attorney for the school district.

The Hagers contacted police; they even tried to get a restraining order.

"We've tried everybody. We've been to the law. We've been to the school board," Betty said. "Our family has come and tried to talk to her. We've had people on the phone with her for hours -- family, friends. We've been to our pastor asking for guidance. We've been to his pastor."

Meanwhile, the Hagers say Windy withdrew, refusing to speak to them until she asked them to sign a consent form so that she and her coach -- a man more than twice her age -- could get married.

Although anguished, her weary parents gave in.

"Signing those consent forms was the hardest thing I did in my whole life, but we had to move on, it was going to kill us all," Dennis said.

Monday, Windy and Wuchae married, and he resigned from the school.

But was Windy really old enough to understand her decision? Experts say it's a difficult situation.

"With most teenagers, they're not sure yet who's who and what's what and what should be done," said Henry Paul, author of the book "Is My Teenager OK?" "It's obviously up to the adult figure to set the boundaries."

Windy and her new husband would not comment for this story, but the Hagers realize what they've lost.

"She could have done anything," Betty said. "She could have set the world on fire. She threw it all away."
Falsely accused and maliciously prosecuted.

Virtue

He did nothing illegal nor immoral.  In ten years when she is 26 and he is 50 we wouldn't bat an eye lash (Think of the MANY MANY older men who marry younger women.  Hell even now we have lots of older women sleeping with younger guys, there called cougars now......Who cares?....she is obviously an adult capable of knowing the consequences of her choices......100 years ago this type of arrangement was a COMMON everyday occurrence.  In modern times we just like to try and baby people and keep them from being responsible for their actions for as long as possible.....Your not adult enough to have sex until your 18......Your not adult enough to drink until your 21......Your not adult enough to run for president until your 35....... etc et al
Imagine waking up tomorrow to find
that unbelievably rape is now legal.

You would be freaking out, telling everyone you ran into this is crazy- something needs to be done... now!!! And then every man you told this to just very smugly and condescendingly says...

"Hey... not all men are 'like that.'"

typhonblue

Yes, but, if it was reversed? A 16 year old boy with a 40 year old woman?

I would say it's not an identical situation. A 40 year old woman has more legal clout over a 16 year old boy then a 40 year old man has over a 16 year old girl.

If problems arise, the 16 year old girl has more of a social support system ready and willing to pull her out of it; no so true with a 16 year old boy who probably is on his own.

Average person's sympathies lie with the 16 year old girl "abused" into marriage with a 40 year old man. Average person just thinks the 16 year old boy got lucky. Even if he has to pay for it for the rest of his life.

Plus there is the protection of chivalry for the 16 year old girl. A 40 year old man is less likely to abuse his position of authority over a girl then a 40 year old woman is over a boy. Owing to the fact that she lacks a sense of chivalrous "fair-play" towards him.

The other issue I'd bring up is adult identity. For girls developing an interest in the opposite sex seems part of the process towards their adult identity. Boys seem to need a period of time seperate from women to develop an adult identity. Our proverbial 16 year old boy is just going from mom to older wife, with no psychological development. Or even regression into infantilism.

Cordell Walker


Yes, but, if it was reversed? A 16 year old boy with a 40 year old woman?

I would say it's not an identical situation. A 40 year old woman has more legal clout over a 16 year old boy then a 40 year old man has over a 16 year old girl.

If problems arise, the 16 year old girl has more of a social support system ready and willing to pull her out of it; no so true with a 16 year old boy who probably is on his own.

Average person's sympathies lie with the 16 year old girl "abused" into marriage with a 40 year old man. Average person just thinks the 16 year old boy got lucky. Even if he has to pay for it for the rest of his life.

Plus there is the protection of chivalry for the 16 year old girl. A 40 year old man is less likely to abuse his position of authority over a girl then a 40 year old woman is over a boy. Owing to the fact that she lacks a sense of chivalrous "fair-play" towards him.

The other issue I'd bring up is adult identity. For girls developing an interest in the opposite sex seems part of the process towards their adult identity. Boys seem to need a period of time seperate from women to develop an adult identity. Our proverbial 16 year old boy is just going from mom to older wife, with no psychological development. Or even regression into infantilism.


personally, as a 29 year old, I will go as young as 19 but no younger because even well develped 17 and 18 year olds seem to lack a certian maturity
"how can you kill women and children?"---private joker
"Easy, ya just dont lead em as much" ---Animal Mother

Virtue

I can't disagree with anything TB said.....all I can say is that it should be the same no matter the genders involved.

Imagine waking up tomorrow to find
that unbelievably rape is now legal.

You would be freaking out, telling everyone you ran into this is crazy- something needs to be done... now!!! And then every man you told this to just very smugly and condescendingly says...

"Hey... not all men are 'like that.'"

gentlegiant

Ya know, another aspect I thought of is this guy is treading a very dangerous path...

While this may all be legal,  It wont be long before there is trouble in paradise...

I can only imagine that one of the first arrows she pulls out of the quiver is...

"He started feeling me up when I was this old (she holds out a number of fingers)...

Even though they are married now, there is nothing protecting him from her using this against him at a later point.

In retrospect he may have signed a deal with the devil that he'll wish he never signed.

I see so many dissadvantages to getting married to a woman post high school age let alone subjecting myself to crap this could bring with it.

Falsely accused and maliciously prosecuted.

RockyMountainMan

It's inevitable that she's going to change her adolescent mind and file for divorce.  Even if she doesn't pull any melodrama, the guy's screwed.  He better enjoy himself while he still can.

:BangHead:
Give me liberty or give me death.

                              ----------------

Tact is for those lacking sufficient wit for sarcasm.

K9


It's inevitable that she's going to change her adolescent mind and file for divorce.  Even if she doesn't pull any melodrama, the guy's screwed.  He better enjoy himself while he still can.

:BangHead:


Ditto.

She's far too young to know what she wants out of life.
Explaining misandry to a feminist is like explaining "wet" to a fish.

woof



It's inevitable that she's going to change her adolescent mind and file for divorce.  Even if she doesn't pull any melodrama, the guy's screwed.  He better enjoy himself while he still can.

:BangHead:


Ditto.

She's far too young to know what she wants out of life.

Yep....agreed.
It'll never work.
Other than sex, what do they have in common?
I would be surprised if it lasted a year.
Even a whole village can't replace dad, children need both parents.

damnbiker

People...Half your age plus seven for people between 13 and 20.  It's not that hard to figure out.  Why don't they just make that law and be done with all the morality questions.  They'd have to build in a 1/2 age difference buffer zone for the younger ones (i.e. a 13 year old could have a 12 year old for a boyfriend/girlfriend and it wouldn't be the end of the world).
It's not illegal to be a man...yet.

Virtue

That sounds way to logical.....How can you look at cold logic when we need to think of the children!!!


I got nauseous typing that.
Imagine waking up tomorrow to find
that unbelievably rape is now legal.

You would be freaking out, telling everyone you ran into this is crazy- something needs to be done... now!!! And then every man you told this to just very smugly and condescendingly says...

"Hey... not all men are 'like that.'"

devia



Teacher student thing again.

I'd say if it was the other way around the board would be calling it rape and "her" a pedophile. No doubt their relationship started before her 16th birthday. Instead the majority feel sorry for the guy/adult.

Seems to me like the parents had a choice, charge him or let them marry. Sounds like they are more interested in her going for the gold then what's morally right.

Of course this will end up in divorce, eventualy she'll grow up, hopefully.  Through no fault but his own. He is the adult in this situation.










Virtue


Quote
I'd say if it was the other way around the board would be calling it rape and "her" a pedophile.


Then you would be wrong.....we might call her stupid or him stupid but according to the article I read the word Pedophile dosen't enter into the equation.

Quote
No doubt their relationship started before her 16th birthday. Instead the majority feel sorry for the guy/adult.


Once again you make assumptions where there is no data to support your idea.....all we have is what the article gave us.




Quote
Of course this will end up in divorce,



If you had to bet your life savings on either A) A single hand of black jack.  Or  B) that a man married to a woman raised in modern western culture would sooner or later get divorced which would you choose


Option A


or


Option B
Imagine waking up tomorrow to find
that unbelievably rape is now legal.

You would be freaking out, telling everyone you ran into this is crazy- something needs to be done... now!!! And then every man you told this to just very smugly and condescendingly says...

"Hey... not all men are 'like that.'"

The Biscuit Queen

http://standyourground.com/forums/index.php?PHPSESSID=eab486b2968096afb21905d21993424a&topic=13399.0

http://standyourground.com/forums/index.php?PHPSESSID=eab486b2968096afb21905d21993424a&topic=13266.0



http://standyourground.com/forums/index.php?PHPSESSID=eab486b2968096afb21905d21993424a&topic=13202.0

http://standyourground.com/forums/index.php?PHPSESSID=eab486b2968096afb21905d21993424a&topic=13112.0

This thread made me want to throw up. It is NO different than all these cases of women "raping' boys. Justifying a hypocritical opinion is FEMINIST. We hate it when they do it, why are you then turning around and doing it too?! Just because he is a man does not mean this individual is not a sexual predator. 16 years old ! No one, at 16, boy or girl,  in western society is capable of making these decisions. If you consider it rape when the boy is 18, as evidenced from the above threads, how can you turn around and claim he is the oppressed?! Oh, because she has more social power, even though he is older and in a position of power? Sound familiar much?

http://www.michaelkaufman.com/articles/pdf/7ps.pdf

This is sick. The parents failed to protect their child. She cannot even vote yet she can get married to a person who under the best of circumstances took advantage of a child under his professional care, the worst of circumstances statutorily raped.


A 40 year old coach, a person in a position of power, manipulated a 16 year old student who was under the coach's care into a sexual relationship.
It is wrong when no gender is assigned. It is wrong when it is a woman and a boy. And it is wrong when it is a man and a girl.

Please tell me I am not the only one here who knows this besides Devia.

Dr E , please tell me you are just busy and didn't see this thread. I cannot imagine you of all people would not call this out as hypocritical.

This is what I get for checking my PMs.
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

typhonblue

It is different, from a social and legal perspective.

Few 16 year old girls have had the experience of having their entire life revolve around the opposite gender during their formative years. Most 16 year old boys have. This makes 16 year old boys more vulnerable to the whims and caprices of older women. Because they have been trained to obey them and regard them as the alpha and omega of existance.

Legally 16 year old girls have recourse over their older partners. They can threaten them with charges of rape(charges which will actually be believed), can legally compell them to pay child support or alimony.

Socially 16 year old girls have more of a support system then 16 year old boys in a relationship with an opposite-sex adult. She will be seen as the victim and he the aggressor. In the reverse it's often believed that the younger boy is the agressor and sometimes, the elder woman the victim. This ambigious situation results in more social support for a young woman in a January-December relationship then support for a young man.

Physically and psychologically a 16 year old girl is more mature then a 16 year old boy. By 16 she is probably at the tail end of her adult development. He isn't until he's in his early twenties.

It would be identical if the 16 year old girl took on all the risks of getting pregnant, couldn't have an abortion or give the child out for adoption, was seen as the agressor who got "lucky", was delayed developmentally, would get little help getting out of the relationship if she needed it because it was "her bed, lie in it" and few people recognized it as an abuse of power on the part of the man.

My personal opinion is that the age of consent laws are rediculous. If anyone who has started puberty gets into a relationship with a vastly older person, they should replace all the age of consent laws with something like this... the younger person can, whenever they want, "divorce" the elder person, recieve all their assets and the elder goes to jail for 5 years. No pass go, straight to jail. No freebies for the ladies.

It's draconian, and it puts a lot of power in the younger member's hands. Hopefully it would teach stupid fuckers who get in relationships with teenagers that putting yourself at the mercy of someone whose emotional development is minimal is not a good idea.




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