http://mensnewsdaily.com/2007/07/22/71984/Father's Rights Groups Gather in the Park & Educate the PublicJuly 22, 2007
by Ray Blumhorst
Today, Fathers 4 Justice and the National Coalition of Free Men, Los Angeles sponsored their third in a series of picnic/rallies in the Van Nuys/Sherman Oaks Park. A group of dedicated members assembled in the very welcome, surprisingly mild heat to assemble tents and tables, roast hot dogs and hamburgers, and answer questions from a steady stream of visitors. The picnic/rally ran from 9 A.M. to 1 P.M., but setup began early at 6:00 A. M., in order to get the location we wanted.
Here are just a few of the questions (and answers) we engaged in during the course of the day:
# What does the alienation in "parental alienation" mean?
This question was asked by a woman who was speaking with a very heavy accent. We explained how "parental alienation" was a form of abuse that occurred in some family relations, when one parent "bad mouths" the other, and how that hurts the child who is caught in the middle. We explained how the child is literally half the Dad and half the Mom so when either one says the other is bad, they are also criticizing the half of the child that is from that parent. "That's child abuse," we concluded.
# Why are there so few people in the Father's movement, if Fathers really are oppressed and discriminated against?
We had to put our heads together to answer this question, but decided the men who weren't be with us today, were dead from abuse or suicide, in prison, homeless, depressed, or had just given up all hope (among other reasons).
# What should you do about a judge who doesn't listen to valid evidence?
We told the person asking this question to try to find a judicial review contact through the Internet, The State Bar Association, or other info source, and as always to contact a lawyer if they needed legal help. We wished that person, "good luck."
# Why are the Dads so often driven out of their children's lives?
Historically, in a nut shell, local governments profit from collection of child support by federal financial incentives, thereby local governments are incentivized to drive Dads from kids lives and saddle Dads with onerous child support payments.
# Why hasn't anyone done this (Father's movement) before?
We explained that Fathers groups have been around for some time - struggling. We explained some of the reasons given to the 2nd question above, then followed with the statement, "...but we're here now," and, "We plan on being here in the future."
The most often heard comment of the day was, "Things really are bad for Fathers."
As some of us were sitting in the shade and munching our burgers and chips, a woman stopped her car, got out, came up to the tent with the parental alienation sign and began complaining about our picnic/rally to the guy at that table. She said Fathers should be taking credit for the violence they commit against women (stereotyping all Fathers negatively with one broad brush stroke), and she complained that the signs calling attention to Fathers rights should be saying parental rights, among other complaints.
Our big signs read:
# CAN YOU GET ME BACK MY DADDY
# A FATHER'S LOVE IS IRREPLACEABLE
# REUNITE KIDS AND DADS
# PARENTAL ALIENATION IS CHILD ABUSE
Those were the only signs we had out all day, other than our small 8 1/2" X 11" table placards. The woman had two kids in the car, but left them there while she gripped at us. I guess she felt it was an outrage that Fathers/men were protesting their oppressions, demanding equality, and just having a nice picnic in the park in a peaceful manner. Hmmm.
On a more positive note, one of the people who saw us as they were driving by and stopped to talk was a Medical Doctor. He stated that Fathers, and men, do have a rough time of it these days, and he asked what he could do to help. I quickly reached for the Dr. Warren Farrell resources and was very glad I had stayed up late last night watching an old video of Dr. Warren Farrell, when he spoke to a Father's group back in 2000 - during his California Gubernatorial run. I was very pleased to see this Doctor so interested in Father's, and men's, issues and encouraged him that we need the talents of more skilled professionals to be part of our efforts - along with all the other people who are trying to affect change. He thanked us for our time as he took our information and wished us well.
One Dad stopped by with his little girl in tow, and seemed only mildly interested at first, but then wound up talking with us for some time.
Amongst the people stopping by to ask questions, were some people who related very personal and heart wrenching, family law experiences. We were happy at those times that the big signs gave us extra privacy so those people were able to feel comfortable enough to share their experiences with us. One woman, along with her husband, brought a candle and a photo of her son, and told us of her child's suffering, while in the "care" of Los Angeles County Child Protective Services. The photo she brought showed some of the abuse the child experienced while in foster care. The dysfunction in our societal institutions, supposedly working in the best interests of the children, is truly appalling. Due to the sensitive and personal nature of a number of our visitors family law stories, we refrained from taking definitive photos, that would have shown the true extent of our outreach today.
As one person honestly related, "This stuff is painful. It's a real pain to talk about." We acknowledged the truth in that statement, then shared that it was not in anyone's best interest to perpetuate family dissolution pain, as the legal system is so want to do when it "adversarially" gets involved in peoples family relations. We acknowledged that it was often good to talk to a professional mental health worker about a painful family dissolution experience, or if that's impossible, a good friend. We also acknowledged that endlessly reliving the pain of past negative experiences was not in anyone's best interest, but neither was living in denial that things are okay (when they're not), or will be okay, when in reality, America's legal system is devastatingly destructive to Fathers, and geared to stay that way for the foreseeable future.
Hopefully, working proactively to publicize the abuses and corruption in America's family law system will spur more Fathers (and other people), to come forward and join in the call for parental rights for Fathers who've been wronged by America's chronically dysfunctional family law system. Father's for Justice and the National Coalition of Free Men, Los Angeles are working for Father's rights incrementally and with dedicated tenacity.