My Choice is "Me."
From here on out, I am a perpetual candidate for President. I promise to fight congress like mad, appoint strict constructionists to the bench that make Antonin Scalia the head of the Liberal wing of the SCOTUS, freeze federal hiring, veto anything that increases spending in Real Dollars (A cut is not "only increasing the budget by 5% instead of ten percent" - it's by DECREASING THE FUCKING BUDGET) Moving for the Fair Tax.
I will spend 5 billion dollars by offering it - TAX FREE - to the first individual or corporation which comes up with a viable alternative to petrofuels and releases it to the public domain. Then I will offer those camel-molesting sons of bitches in the Middle east to dispose of their toxic waste for ten bucks a barrel.
They pay us.
And Anyone messes around with another 9/11, I offer them Ezekiel 25:17" The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."
There won't be another Iraq or Afghanistan. If I go after terrorists it will be out of pure fucking revenge, and I will not stop the bombs until I destroy not only the ability to resist, but the will to do so. Maybe if some assbags get bombed back into the goddamn stone age, they'll have better things to do than fly planes into buildings - say - scratch in the desolate wasteland which was once their home for a dried root and starving lizard to keep them alive for another day.
But, I am funny that way.
I will push for the pay of Congress, the federal courts, and the executive branch to be indexed to the federal surplus - no surplus? No pay. The more you save, the bigger your check.
I will personally fire any son of a bitch found to be corrupt. There won't be any cronyism. The people who I appoint probably won't like me, but they will be expert professionals, and not politicians - and they will work.
And any feminist who tries to have a "meeting" with me for anything but to take my lunch order will be tossed right briskly off the front porch.
The blow jobs I get won't be in the Oval Office while I am working. They will be in the Presidential suite while I am not, and they won't be by fat, buck-toothed cows, either.
