Hi, I'm Barnaby. I'm also relieved to find this forum in such good health. There are detailed and well-researched discussions here about issues that have only recently come to my attention. It's wonderful to see such a vibrant community of intelligent individuals working to organize and express the generally unacknowledged difficulties of being male.
My own particular story isn't as devastating as some of the paternity issues here, but it describes an arc (learning curve?) of its own. I was raised in a family with two older sisters. My father was a wonderfully hard working man, and although I didn't see him as much as I would have liked, I have the utmost respect for him. My mother (although she was fond of Germaine Greer) was similarly wonderful, and she always did here best to make sure that everybody around her was as comfortable as possible.
Anyways, my introduction to the Men's Rights Movement probably came about when I read 'Manhood' by Steve Biddulph. I was fairly young at the time and I can remember flicking forward to the parts where he mentions sex. Apart from that, the content remained fairly meaningless to me. That is, until after her.
My girlfriend and I were together for about two years and lived together for half that time. During our relationship, I was subjected to intermittent emotional abuse and basically came to figure as the punching bag within the relationship. She was an older woman who had been raised by a single mother. Also, she was the victim of sexual abuse when she was younger. Despite these difficulties she seemed to me a wonderfully intelligent, beautiful and warm woman and I was thrilled to be involved with her.
That was, until she demanded my complete compliance with her every wish. It happened so slowly I didn't notice. I had such a flattering image of her in my head that it seemed she could do nothing wrong. I did the majority of the housework (in fact, she never once did the dishes) because she felt it was 'boring' and then mutely accepted her criticism of the job I had done. When she started spending time with another man (including sleeping at his place) I confronted her about it, but she insisted he was just a good friend. When she unfavorably compared my genitalia to those of her ex-boyfriends I made a fuss, but could do nothing else. Our conversations gradually turned into a forum for her to mock me. And Yet, despite how fucked she could be, I continued to love her and tried desperately to do right by her.
Of course, like an idiot, during the relationship I completely neglected my male friends. I believed we had a low-maintenance bond that I didn't need to maintain and subsequently lost any emotional support outside the relationship. She had a strong group of friends while I felt completely isolated.
Eventually I spiraled into self-destructive behavior. When she found me asleep in a bath full of cold water at 4am, I knew I was in trouble. I re-established some of my friendships and exited stage left. It was hard, but I suppose I learned some difficult lessons.
One of those lessons brought me back in touch with Men's Rights. I re-read Manhood and began to see my situation in a different light. I spoke to my Father about his life and began to respect my male friends for all the difficulties they had faced. Slowly, I came to see the systematic construction of male identity in advertising, friendship groups, etc. and it made me angry. Angry and motivated.
Thus, here I am. I look forward to being a part of this forum.
Thanks for reading.
