Kiss-Off Letters to Men: Over 70 Zingers You Can Use to Send Him Packing, Mess with His Head, or Just Plain Dump Him
Some relationships, like fine wines, get better with age. Others, like milk, just go sour. If it's time to rid yourself of a romance past its expiration date, help is on the way! KISS-OFF LETTERS TO MEN is a wickedly funny compilation of letters designed to dump him, scorn him, or verbally slap him in the face. This book is not about male bashing
; it's about girl solidarity! It's a sassy salve for the suffering soul.
Based on real relationships we and our friends have survived, KISS-OFF LETTERS TO MEN provides the perfect ammunition for any woman who has ever fantasized about composing the perfect breakup letter.
Containing more than 70 letters you can adapt to your own circumstances, KISS-OFF LETTERS TO MEN makes it easy to forget the frogs and dump the duds. We've supplied the right words for every type of breakup, including:
Dumping... time to take out the garbage
Scare Tactics.... you've flipped out and now he will
The Joy of ..... Discovery
Hate..... all in love is fair
Guilt ....... a powerful emotion
I love you BUT
Taming the Tic
A few choice Odds & Ends
A sample from the
Your call this afternoon was flattering. I'm glad you thought last night was the best night of your life but I hate to burst your bubble; it certainly wasn't mine.
While you have been replaying the scenario in your mind in eager anticipation of future rendezvous, I have spent the day:
a) regretting every moment
b) changing my phone number
c) trying to enter the witness protection program
Your whining about lost loves, rejection, and heartbreak made me feel sorry for you. Thus, the sex we engaged in was:
a) an act of mercy
b) an act of stupidity
c) a result of forgetting to take my medication
d) all of the above, i.e., a PITY FUCK and nothing more.
Someone as pathetic as you should really try:
a) a good therapist
c) a tight noose and a tall ladder
Do me a favor and forget you ever met me,
A sample from the
Joy of Discovery Chapter
Fancy bumping into you last night at ___________________ (name of local hot-spot) with _________________(secretary, co-worker, supposed friend, whomever). If you want to spend time with some vapid bimbo in ______________________________(frosted blue eye shadow, red-sequined wonder bra, unflattering Lycra midriff top, Lee Press-On nails) that's your prerogative. Just don't plan on spending any more ___________________ (lunches, evenings, weekends) with me. I'd rather ___________________________ (have my taxes audited, get a root canal, have a bikini wax).
You told me you were working late last night. You were working alright. I suppose you'd call that little tryst of yours a business meeting, right? Well that would certainly explain why your "colleague" _______________(was on her knees, had her tongue down your throat, had her panties around her ankles). Where was her steno pad, down your pants? And I guess you were looking for the pen you dropped down her blouse.
Your lines may be well rehearsed, but I've read the script and this act is over. Now it's time for you to take some dictation. Delete me from your _________________________(buddy list, rolodex, speed dial, unfaithful, cheating heart).
There are other fish to fry, Daddy and I'm turning up the heat.
A sample from the
I Love You, But Chapter
Dear ______________ ,
So you think it is your duty to point out what you perceive are my flaws. Well, I can lose a few pounds, start wearing contacts and even color my hair BUT you can't get any taller. Let's face facts, you're short. Really short. Even shoe lifts don't make a difference on such a stump. I tired of your criticism and complaints.
Try standing on a chair and looking at yourself first in a mirror.
Tall and happy,
I sent them a kiss-off letter of my own [email protected]