Amazing guy -- but I'm just not into him

Started by PowerMan72, Dec 02, 2009, 02:14 PM

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wractor

Heh...tangentially, I wrote something about some girl's personal ads I found on OKCUPID:

"You Must Be As Wide As This Sign"...

Dec. 1

Came across this: two girls using the same ad! I'm thinking they got it from Cosmo or someplace. On the one hand it's pretty smart, cuts to the chase and sets some standards. On the other hand, it's got "Entitlement Queen" written all over it. So I'd suggest clicking elsewhere. Your mileage may vary.

(Bold print: My edits)

Part A

1) You must be born male. Sorry, no trannies. (Aw, c'mon, give a she-male a chance! Our synthetic dicks are HUGE!)
2) You must own something to wear to a formal reception. (Formal Receptions! Yayyy! Will SLAYER be playing?)
3) You must not own or ever wear birkenstocks, crocs footwear or randy river jeans. (Damn!)
4) All your parts need to be in good working order, further testing will need to be conducted of course. (Yours too, ma'am)
5) I can't accept a regular drug user. (In my experience, not a whole lot of drug users cop to it in their personal ads)
6) You must own at least four collared dress shirts. You need to look presentable standing next to me.
7) Your height must be proportional to your weight using the standard AMA guidelines.
8) You must have a photo which was taken in the last 3 months.
9) English must be your first language. Sorry, I'm not a part-time ESL teacher. ("Excuse me, stewardess. I speak Jive, perhaps I can be of help?")

If you meet all of the requirements above then you may continue, if not, then you are now dismissed but thank you.

Now: give yourself two points for each of the following criteria you meet

Part B

1) You have (or are working on) a post secondary degree.
2) You own a car and have a valid driver's license. Suspended for DUIs: minus 10 points.
3) You've never worn Ed Hardy, Affliction or any other Christian Audigier affiliated brand. (That wipes out about 60% of guys in general, these days)
4) You follow at least one professional sport. (This is interesting...why 'at least one'? And why not a specific sport? Is it to fit in? I didn't think girls went for armchair quarterbacks, but I could be wrong.)
5) You have skills in bed. Not because you think you do, because your past experiences have told you. (This is a bit encouraging as it means she's got sex at least somewhere on the brain.)
6) You are not a born again Christian, Jehovah's Witness or any other kind of religious fanatic. (Y'all stay AWAY from those wicked CITY WOMEN, Cousin Abner! 'Member the story of Jezebel!)
7) You have been to at least three countries outside of North America. (Again, interesting. This is an asset, not a requirement. But why? Not everyone can afford to visit 3 countries, or wants to. And those that do often end up marrying foreign women.)
8) You don't need to call a handy man if something breaks around the house. (OK, but don't break anything, then. It's a good thing duct tape fixes everything.)
9) You know how to cook a meal for two. (True. Guys, learn one recipe at least.)
10) You like stepping out of your bubble and trying new things like cuisine or bungee jumping. (Why do girls say these things but still freak out at the thought of a three-way?)
11) You can make it through a romantic comedy without complaining (we don't have to tell your friends). (Quid Pro Quo! Make it through Predator 3 without complaining.)
12) You have a great sense of humour. Are people laughing with you, or at you? (There once was a man from Nantucket...)
13) You can plan a good date without any help or advice from me. "I don't know, what do you want to do" isn't an answer. (This is a given. But beware if you ALWAYS end up having to plan the dates.)
14) You work out and enjoy being physically active. (True.)
15) You have a job that requires more than a high school diploma. (Right now, you ought to shorten that to "You have a job".)
16) You do not own or ride a donorcycle. (What dat is?)
17) You have a 5 year goal. (True. However, I noted that neither of these girls listed their own goals.)
18) You aren't afraid of being yourself, even if you have a dorky side. (If someone's afraid to be themselves (?) they're probably not up to reading the personals yet either)
19) You're competitive, and I don't mean you like to battle it out with your WoW buddies on the weekends. (??? You want us to compete with who, for what? And why? These are the girls who are attracted to 'go-getters' initially but then complain they're 'control freaks' when they marry them.)
20) You know how to dance. (Do The Whiteboy! UH! GO WHITEBOY, GO WHITEBOY...)

If you have a score of 30+ then please contact me immediately. If you scored between 20-30 pts, you can contact me, but I don't have a lot of hope for our future relationship. If you did not score high enough, then please do not contact me, but if at some time in the future you are able to improve yourself and meet the minimum requirements, then you may re-apply.

I thank you in advance for your application, however, only successful candidates will receive a response.

You're welcome in advance. Have fun with your 17 cats...

OK guys, let's write the male version of this...
"If you're going through Hell...Keep Going."--Winston Churchill.
(Sites by KK: www.RockHerWorld.Net, www.Focusgroup.ning.com)

BRIAN

I would say that test works both ways wractor. I would add one question to it for the females though.

If you expect to be treated like a princess but uttered the phrase "you don't own me" when it was time to reciprocate deduct 30 points.
You may sleep soundly at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence upon those who seek to harm you.

The Gonzman


You're welcome in advance. Have fun with your 17 cats...

OK guys, let's write the male version of this...



You're a natural born female.  With a natural set of boobs.  That doesn't sag down to your belly - or lower.

You like men.

You like sex.

You take care of yourself.

You are willing to sign a pre-nup.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the MEANEST son-of-a-bitch in the valley.

outdoors

heres one


you won't use sex as a weapon to get what you want or to influence my decisions

that should eliminate about 99.9%

mens_issues


Quote
Yet I am grateful for the knowledge of men's issues.


I'm glad you're grateful for knowledge of me!  :toothy9:
Men's Issues Online - a voice for men's advocacy http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MensIssuesOnline

Follow Male Positive Media on Twitter - https://twitter.com/MalePositive

Mr. X

You have more than two things to say to a man besides ignoring us or verbally beating us.
Feminists - "Verbally beating men like dumb animals or ignoring them is all we know and its not working."

Eviltwin

Quote
You're welcome in advance. Have fun with your 17 cats...


That's about it. I flunked on #2. Most personal ads read like help wanted ads, but they rarely tell you the benefits. The only ones I read anymore are the ones that include a photograph and say whether they do in calls or out calls.  :greener:
Affirmative Action: The federal government takes your job away from you and gives it to a woman. Then she sneers at you because you are unemployed.

Mr. X

Failing that test is a merit badge.
Feminists - "Verbally beating men like dumb animals or ignoring them is all we know and its not working."

Eviltwin

The worst thing about this ad is that I have never heard of most of the clothing brands she objects to. I wonder if she has anything against Dickies. Carhartt also has a good line of stuff.  :greener:
Affirmative Action: The federal government takes your job away from you and gives it to a woman. Then she sneers at you because you are unemployed.

The Gonzman

I wonder if she has anything against Dickies.


I am sure she does, even if, like Meredith Baxter, she doesn't realize it this young.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the Shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the MEANEST son-of-a-bitch in the valley.

TheManOnTheStreet


I wonder if she has anything against Dickies.


I am sure she does, even if, like Meredith Baxter, she doesn't realize it this young.


Bud-dah-bump!

TMOTS
The Man On The Street is on the street for a reason.......
_________________________________
It's not illegal to be male.....yet.

Eviltwin


I wonder if she has anything against Dickies.


I am sure she does, even if, like Meredith Baxter, she doesn't realize it this young.


LOL. I had to think a little to get that one. Good thing I remembered that MB just came out.
Affirmative Action: The federal government takes your job away from you and gives it to a woman. Then she sneers at you because you are unemployed.

Mr. X

Look if your identity as a man is tied to the approval of women then this test has some sort of meaning for you. If you identify yourself by your deeds, your integrity, honor, courage and character then this test means as much as donkey sweat.
Feminists - "Verbally beating men like dumb animals or ignoring them is all we know and its not working."

wractor


heres one


you won't use sex as a weapon to get what you want or to influence my decisions

that should eliminate about 99.9%


Glad you brought that up, Outdoors...

In Rock Her World, I wrote that it's a crippling myth that Men "Get" Sex From Women. In truth, sex is something that WE create and share WITH a woman, not some sort of 'reward' to be given out or earned. I also promote the idea that guys should act like women GET sex from THEM. The grass really is greener on the 'supply' side of the equation.
"If you're going through Hell...Keep Going."--Winston Churchill.
(Sites by KK: www.RockHerWorld.Net, www.Focusgroup.ning.com)

CG9603


Heh...tangentially, I wrote something about some girl's personal ads I found on OKCUPID:

"You Must Be As Wide As This Sign"...

Dec. 1

Came across this: two girls using the same ad! I'm thinking they got it from Cosmo or someplace. On the one hand it's pretty smart, cuts to the chase and sets some standards. On the other hand, it's got "Entitlement Queen" written all over it. So I'd suggest clicking elsewhere. Your mileage may vary.

(Bold print: My edits)

Part A
. . . . . . .

OK guys, let's write the male version of this...
[/b]


Well, lady, thanks for letting us all know in advance to stay away from you.  Nothing like advertising the fact that no man will ever meet all of her exacting and demanding high standards.  She sounds like so many other women in that she is very demanding, and the man who she is looking for is one who will pay quite the high price for access to her vagina.  I think that men are paying attention to her, in that they are avoiding her, and other women like her. 
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both."
-- General Dwight D.  Eisenhower. 

"Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."
-- Unknown.

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