Amazing guy -- but I'm just not into him

Started by PowerMan72, Dec 02, 2009, 02:14 PM

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PowerMan72

 :laughing6:
*** LINK TO CNN ARTICLE ***

Amazing guy -- but I'm just not into him
By Justine Fields

(The Frisky) --
Aren't we single ladies always on the quest to find the perfect man? Just yesterday, I was on that quest. And then I met him. For the sake of this post, let's call this perfect man John.

John is smart, nice, good-looking, Jewish (which matters a lot to my mother), and would spoil me rotten as my boyfriend. He's not just your average amount of smart; he's employed at a top Web company (one you use on a regular basis) and is destined to be more successful than anyone I know.

He's not just your average amount of nice; he has mastered chivalry to a T and is so caring that it makes my judgmental soul squirm. And he's also not just sort of good-looking. Rather, every time one of my friends meets him, their first response is: "Wow, John's hot." I can totally tell they're eying him for themselves.

Oh, and did I mention that John's after me like Tyra on the search for "America's Next Top Model"?

I should be in heaven, right? But I'm not. Because as perfect as he is, John just doesn't make me want to rip my clothes off. And I don't know why.

I just don't have an inkling of a crush on John. Despite all of my friends thinking he's handsome, I don't find him all that attractive. I try to take a step past the superficial and focus my attraction on his kind nature and gifted mind, but it's not working.

We've had lunch dates at my favorite eateries (he even sacrificed meat for one meal to dine with me at my favorite vegetarian restaurant) and spent late nights talking. We even took a trip to the local farmers' market and he paid for my breakfast burrito -- around my parts, it doesn't get more first date than that. Plus, we've also had the usual unexpected run-ins on the street and in each instance the butterflies just aren't fluttering. I'm just not that into him.

Well, that is, when I'm with him, I'm just not that into him. When I'm bored and daydreaming the day away (which is often), I am soooo into John. His looks, his charm, his success ... and he likes me?!?! Of course I have a crush on him when he's not around! He is my perfect guy.

But something is just not in sync when we're together. The birds don't sing, the sky doesn't shine a special kind of blue, and I'm not hoping that our time together will last forever. What else could I possibly want? Why aren't my hormones having the usual reaction to him?

Now at this junction, I could say that John couldn't possibly be the perfect man since I'm not attracted to him, but I just don't think it's possible to get more perfect than John. Any other guy would be a second-rate boyfriend. Comparing John to my past flings of cheaters and liars, he fairs like a golden god.

I get so frustrated and fed up with myself for wanting to pass up this ideal man, so I try to force myself to like him. And yet, even the thought of holding John's hand still makes me feel like a pre-teen embarrassed to hold her mom's hand when crossing the street.

It's been about a month and I'm not sure how much longer I can go leading John on before it's just terribly cruel. I don't want to hurt him. But at the same time, I'm not ready to give up. I think we could have a future, but only if we take it baby steps at a time.

It makes me think of that scene in "The Wedding Planner" when Jennifer Lopez's father explains that when he first met her mother he had to grow to like her, then lust after her, then love her. But it's an absurd comparison because (a) her father had a pre-arranged marriage to someone he didn't know and (b) it's a J.Lo movie.

I'm fully aware that I might come off as a crazy person right now, but let's stick to the cliché that love (or hopeful love) makes people do crazy things.
Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan: "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts."

.

Quote
"...but let's stick to the cliché that love (or hopeful love) makes people do crazy things."


Free meals tend to do that too.

Mr. X

This woman is an emotion junky. She doesn't want a guy like John, she wants a guy who makes her feel emotions.

Again there is NOTHING about women's choices in men that represents truth, reason, logic or the definition of manhood through approval.
Feminists - "Verbally beating men like dumb animals or ignoring them is all we know and its not working."

outdoors

 he is just not a thug which is what women like her want, then complain when they get one

she even says so herself;

Quote
Comparing John to my past flings of cheaters and liars,


obviously what she is attracted to.

CaptDMO

Quote
...to dine with me at my favorite vegetarian restaurant)

THAT red flag was as far as I got,  before simply tuning out.


.

I think that a lot of women just aren't aware of what they're attracted to.  Their ideal does not match their libido, and the sad thing is that their ideal is socially conditioned.

SIAM

Allow me to generalise; I apologise Dr E and you may warn me on this.  Women are far easier to manipulate than men by society and advertising, since they base so many decisions on emotions.    That's why so much advertising is targeted to them.  That's why women's magazines treat women like small children telling them what to do all the time, and women lap this sort of thing up (largely) without complaint. 

Now, I'm not letting men off here.  Men are also extremely easy to manipulate, when it's a woman doing the manipulating.  Men can make very very dumb decisions just because a woman told him to do it. 

So in a way, men are easily controlled by women, who in turn are easily controlled by society and advertising. 

julie

She can't compete with him. That is why she can't be into him.

Men so don't understand women.

Can a Cinderella really get a prince charming and live happily ever after? NO! She can't be happy knowing she has nothing compared to his worth.
Ignorance is the Oppressor, Vigilance the Liberator.

BRIAN


he is just not a thug which is what women like her want, then complain when they get one

she even says so herself;

Quote
Comparing John to my past flings of cheaters and liars,


obviously what she is attracted to.


Yep.

She wants a bad boy in the sack and the nice guy to pay the bills and treat her like a princess. She has seen one too many romantic comedy and now has a warped sense of reality.
You may sleep soundly at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence upon those who seek to harm you.

julie



he is just not a thug which is what women like her want, then complain when they get one

she even says so herself;

Quote
Comparing John to my past flings of cheaters and liars,


obviously what she is attracted to.


Yep.



She wants a bad boy in the sack and the nice guy to pay the bills and treat her like a princess. She has seen one too many romantic comedy and now has a warped sense of reality.


Well, bad boys are pretty cool really. They have flaws. Sure they are stronger and they make her feel like she is just a someone but when they show their weakness and say something from the heart (because all bad boys are damaged with a story to tell) she feels worthwhile.

Anyhow, I have decided to go mainstream. I am going to play the game.

Yet I am grateful for the knowledge of men's issues.
Ignorance is the Oppressor, Vigilance the Liberator.

BRIAN

^^^^There it is^^^^

The out of touch with reality I was talking about.
You may sleep soundly at night because rough men stand ready to visit violence upon those who seek to harm you.

julie


^^^^There it is^^^^

The out of touch with reality I was talking about.


Yep. I expected as much. Hey, at least I wasn't let down.

But you want to know something. Maybe you aren't as in touch with reality as you think. But then again, maybe I don't know as much about my own sex as I think. lol
Ignorance is the Oppressor, Vigilance the Liberator.

julie

Hey Brain, I am sorry for my comments. I would rather just talk about activism. I seriously think it best.

Ignorance is the Oppressor, Vigilance the Liberator.

outdoors


^^^^There it is^^^^

The out of touch with reality I was talking about.



ROTFLMAO!!!!!! :engel2:

Mr. X


She can't compete with him. That is why she can't be into him.

Men so don't understand women.

Can a Cinderella really get a prince charming and live happily ever after? NO! She can't be happy knowing she has nothing compared to his worth.


True, low self esteem is a factor. When I owned an adult website I had numerous occasions to have sex with some fantastic women. But because of my esteem level I never wanted to be with them because I could never measure up.

Sometimes people want to be the morally superior in a relationship so they look for liars and cheats so they can be better. They can be the angel.

When your partner is "better" you can feel judged and unworthy. The question comes up if the person is way better than you, when do they dump you for a better partner.

"Out of one's league" can be a strong motivator to not date good mates and instead date losers.
Feminists - "Verbally beating men like dumb animals or ignoring them is all we know and its not working."

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