Am I a doormat?

[henpeckedhusband]

The first bitch in my life was my own mother. Well, biological parent, anyway.

I had a father who was out working three jobs and never had time for me or my sister when he did make one of his rare appearances.

My so-called Mum always pushed me away if I tried to hug her, never praised me for anything I did, always ran me down, beat me regularly (slapping my face, punching and kicking me, spanking me, and when she was really in psycho gear going for me with pokers or walking-sticks). She twice tried to kill me, once when I was in the bath and she came in and pushed my head under the water and once when I was in bed and she pushed the pillow over my face and tried to smother me. She also locked me in a dark and cold cupboard under the stairs for hours.

I drifted through a serious of relationships with girls that didn't work out - the worst was when one went away on holiday with me and cheated on me with a man that used to be my best friend. Eventually I found and met my present wife.

When she wants to be she can be loving and kind and funny and she's gorgeous and sexy too but when she loses it then it's mayhem. She's hit me, scratched me, bitten me, punched me, slapped my face, kicked me and gone for me with a knife twice. She also slapped me round the face with a paintbrush when I was trying to decorate a room.

I still love her and most of the time she's wonderful.

The question is - am I a doormat? Do I ask for it? The times I've told people that I walked into a door, or that a shelf fell down on me while I was putting it up!

And the verbal abuse! 'I've never heard anything like it! She makes me feel totally worthless and sometimes I feel like just killing myself.

What can I do, guys?

[TheManOnTheStreet]

You need to document everything and then get help.  What she is doing is wrong, for anyone.  You, by asking us about it, know it is...

She has you physically and emotionally downtrodden and you need to get some help.  I am sure the good Doc E. can point you in the right dorection better than I...

Please, get help.

TMOTS

[dr e]

HPH -  What you are describing is clearly domestic violence.  Be careful of the thoughts that you are solely responsible for this, they are likely erroneous.  Figuring out who is more responsible can be worried over later.  At this point you need and deserve a safe place and it doesn't sound like you have one.  What sort of efforts have been made up to this point to limit your wife's violence? Has it gotten to the point where you would want to leave and find a place with friends or relatives where you could stay for a bit and sort things out?  Are there children involved?

Bottom line is it is time for you to take good care of yourself.  Period.  You are worth that.  Don't listen to thoughts that tell you any different.  Taking care of yourself means making sure you have a safe place to reside, you are eatting and sleeping enough, you have people around you who care about you and understand your situation and you are finding some joy in your life.  If you are not there yet, don't fret, you can be. 

If you would like to continue this conversation via pm that would be fine with me.

E 

The first bitch in my life was my own mother. Well, biological parent, anyway.

I had a father who was out working three jobs and never had time for me or my sister when he did make one of his rare appearances.

My so-called Mum always pushed me away if I tried to hug her, never praised me for anything I did, always ran me down, beat me regularly (slapping my face, punching and kicking me, spanking me, and when she was really in psycho gear going for me with pokers or walking-sticks). She twice tried to kill me, once when I was in the bath and she came in and pushed my head under the water and once when I was in bed and she pushed the pillow over my face and tried to smother me. She also locked me in a dark and cold cupboard under the stairs for hours.

I drifted through a serious of relationships with girls that didn't work out - the worst was when one went away on holiday with me and cheated on me with a man that used to be my best friend. Eventually I found and met my present wife.

When she wants to be she can be loving and kind and funny and she's gorgeous and sexy too but when she loses it then it's mayhem. She's hit me, scratched me, bitten me, punched me, slapped my face, kicked me and gone for me with a knife twice. She also slapped me round the face with a paintbrush when I was trying to decorate a room.

I still love her and most of the time she's wonderful.

The question is - am I a doormat? Do I ask for it? The times I've told people that I walked into a door, or that a shelf fell down on me while I was putting it up!

And the verbal abuse! 'I've never heard anything like it! She makes me feel totally worthless and sometimes I feel like just killing myself.

What can I do, guys?

[wractor]

Another thing, she's thinking she can get away with this stuff, and it sounds like she could escalate.
I would start documenting or recording her when she goes on the offensive, and ask her if she could do thirty days in lockup without breaking a sweat.

[clarcks]

lways ran me down, beat me regularly (slapping my face, punching and kicking me, spanking me, and when she was really in psycho gear going for me with pokers or walking-sticks). She twice tried to kill me, once when I was in the bath and she came in and pushed my head under the water and once when I was in bed and she pushed the pillow over my face and tried to smother me. She also locked me in a dark and cold cupboard under the stairs for hours.

I drifted through a serious of relationships with girls that didn't work out - the worst was when one went away on holiday with me and cheated on me with a man that used to be my best friend. Eventually I found and met my present wife.
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