Why sisters are good for you

[Billy]

Why sisters are good for you

A new report adds to the evidence that having sisters benefits your mental health. Lucy Mangan feels vindicated in her belief that girls rule


Lucy Mangan
guardian.co.uk, Thursday 28 October 2010


Girls are top! That is the conclusion of yet another study, this time by researchers at Brigham Young University, that purports to show that having loving siblings of either gender - but especially girls - is the best prophylactic against adolescent unhappiness. No matter whether the sister is younger or older, or the age difference between you, they increase wellbeing and even your penchant for doing good deeds in the world - above and beyond that which even loving parents manage to promote.

The report follows a study involving 571 families by De Montfort University and the University of Ulster published last year, which showed that siblings who lived with their sisters scored higher on the standard range of tests for good mental health. The project was prompted by an earlier investigation that revealed girls with sisters suffered less distress when they encountered trouble later in their lives than those without. Researchers wanted to find out how extensive the effects of sisterhood could be.

Looking back on the complexities of my own sororal relationship makes me glad that I am not a sociologist charged with unpicking the multiple strands of joy and woe with which such bonds are made. My first memory of my sister is of a shattered peace. For three years it had been just me, Mum and Dad. But then they started hankering after Kipling's "family square" and one day brought home a red-faced, squalling bundle - I believed for many years from the local newsagents - that changed everything, and not for the better. It is notable that all the above studies locate the benefits of sisterhood as arising in older childhood - once the initial sibling rivalry and the smarting pain of the knowledge that from now on there will always be someone younger and cuter than you around to grab the attention has worn off.


Because wear off it does, and it did. Most children bond in the face of what is interpreted as - wholly correctly in our case, I will insist until my last breath - increasing parental unreasonableness. I vividly remember our first overt alliance, when we united in the face of our mother's strictures about not having a drink with soup ("Soup's a meal and a drink!") to maintain that we were both dangerously dehydrated and required two glasses of water instantly. We didn't get them, but it was a beautiful moment, that first exercise of mutual support, and gave us something to build on as we became thirsty for even more heady freedoms in the years to come. (We also learned to bunk each other up to reach the tap.)

Most of the reports suggest that it is girls' greater capacity for emotional expression that provides most of the benefits to the family that has them. As Professor Tony Cassidy, of the 2009 study from the University of Ulster, puts it: "Where there are a number of boys together, there is almost a conspiracy of silence." Huh?? Can't be serious?

Of course, this is to speak in generalisations, but when I think of how differently I talk to my closest male friends and female friends, I understand how difficult it would be to replicate with a brother my almost daily communications - by phone, as the silly cow now lives in Bristol - with my sister. We have a shorthand and an understanding that arises not just from our shared history but also from our shared gender. When I say, "I lay in bed this morning crippled by a nameless sense of guilt and couldn't rise until I had allocated some of it to specific tasks left undone and worked out how I was going to punish myself for the undefined rest," she doesn't try to have me sectioned, as a male interlocutor might (and my husband wishes to); she comprehends instantly, entirely and absolutely.

Of course, it would be better if I had a sister who wasn't taller, blonder, cleverer and had boobs quantitatively and qualitatively better than mine, but you can't have everything. Sometimes love and understanding just has to be enough.



Read these and many more lies at...  www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/28/sisters-good-for-mental-health-report

[neoteny]

the silly cow ... my sister

Ah, a prime example of "girls' greater capacity for emotional expression".

it would be better if I had a sister who wasn't taller, blonder, cleverer and had boobs quantitatively and qualitatively better than mine

Expressing envy overtly, especially toward kin/siblings, used to be something shameful... I guess it isn't anymore; actually, it is a sign of one's sophistication and worldliness to wrap it in -- supposed -- irony. Girls are top!

[neoteny]

Bonding Over Problems Can Make Women Anxious
Stephanie Pappas
LiveScience Senior Writer


It's always nice to have a friend's shoulder to lean on when life gets tough. But a study has found that too much commiserating can be stressful.

Female friends who dwell on each other's problems show a spike in the stress hormone cortisol and an increase in activity of the sympathetic nervous system, the system responsible for the fight-or-flight response, the study found.

Talking over problems without dwelling on them resulted in no such spike, suggesting that compassionate conversation is helpful - when done right.

"Too much of a good thing is a bad thing," study researcher Jennifer Byrd-Craven, an Oklahoma State University psychologist, told LiveScience. "Really focusing on negative feelings is probably bad overall for your physical health as well as your psychological health."

Studies on chronic stress have linked worry to high blood pressure, lowered immune response, and increased abdominal fat, which in turn is associated with heart disease and stroke.

Byrd-Craven reported the results online Oct. 27 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.


Stressful conversations

Earlier studies had shown that excessively rehashing problems with friends - a phenomenon called "co-ruminating" - seemed to make people more anxious even as it brought the friends closer together. To investigate this paradox, Byrd-Craven recruited 44 pairs of college-age female friends. (Women, accordant with stereotype, are more likely to co-ruminate than men, Byrd-Craven said.)

The women completed questionnaires designed to reveal their temperaments and problem-solving styles. Then the friend pairs were asked either to sit and discuss problems or to work together to plan a community recreation center. The center-planning task was a control so the researchers could compare problem-talking with a more neutral interaction.

Before and after the tasks, the women gave saliva samples to measure levels of cortisol and salivary alpha-amylase, a compound that signals the activation of the sympathetic nervous system.

The women who planned the community center showed no stress response, and neither did women whose natural problem-discussing style focused on solutions. But friend pairs who ruminated on their problems, discussing them without any resolution, showed an increase in both cortisol and salivary alpha-amylase.


Friends forever or toxic friendship?

The study looked only at the short term, so researchers don't know how co-ruminating affects health over the long term. But preliminary evidence suggests the answer won't be a positive one.

"Other studies have shown that dual stress system activity is related to the highest risk for internalizing symptoms," Byrd-Craven said. "So, depression and anxiety."

One odd upside to co-rumination is that women who do it report being closer to their friends, Byrd-Craven said. The next step is to look at how the women and their friendships fare in the long term, and to see whether people can learn to talk about problems in a more effective way, she said.

"These friends seem to get together specifically for this purpose and tend to do this every time they see each other," Byrd-Craven said. "It's sort of like a shared interest."

[Billy]

Friends forever or toxic friendship?

The study looked only at the short term, so researchers don't know how co-ruminating affects health over the long term. But preliminary evidence suggests the answer won't be a positive one.

"Other studies have shown that dual stress system activity is related to the highest risk for internalizing symptoms," Byrd-Craven said. "So, depression and anxiety."

"These friends seem to get together specifically for this purpose and tend to do this every time they see each other," Byrd-Craven said. "It's sort of like a shared interest."

Good post.
I think most relationships I've ever been in with females were on the toxic side.

Recently my little sis called me up and asked how I was doing, not that she really cared to hear it and then proceeded to jump on my ass with this statement in a loud manner  "You know what.. you just sound like you hate women!" which implies that I hate ALL women. I was in shock and she then went into "guilty as charged" mode and I'm not listening to you at all anymore, hear me out now... What about our grandMothers and Aunts? I don't think I even mentioned women in our conversation and it sounded as if she called just to bring this up.

(continued)...    I'm still not listening to you or your answers.... hear me whine!
This good church going girl proceeded to break the 10 commandments about 3 more times as she got on the wrong side of me and stuck her nose in my business which she knows little about and proceeded to defend my wife's wrong doing against me.

Ok... So I let her do her damage and kept myself calm...  with an unregulated hypothyroid condition the last thing I wanted was to argue. After whinging for 30 minutes and pissing me off several times she said  "Let me let you go" and quickly hung up.   I just gave it a few days and emailed her with this response
"as per our last conversation I really believe that you owe me an apology" and all I got was "Ermmm.. what did I do that would require an apology?

Well It's not true that I hate ALL women but I have just been alienated from one more and really don't want anything to do with this one ever again. I thought we got along fair after she had grown up but she just proved that wrong.

My oldest sister was like the wicked witch of the north and all her friends mimicked her behavior towards me til she was nearly 20. I forgave her hundreds of times and looked up to her as a kid but she had no remorse about her poor treatment of the only brother she had. After she grew into adult years she still had no idea how to treat her only brother. Well I learned how to treat her... as if she don't exist.. Anytime she got near I would regret it. Purely Toxic and now she has rubbed off on my little sis. Oh well, wish I could say it was nice knowing you all but.. I would be lying.

I see my sisters on the list of names of those who have been quite good at being difficult and just being a pain in the ass and put me through years of abuse because they could run to Dad and lie about me while getting their rocks off at the power they had over our Father. He would never believe that his angels were lying being the mangina he was. When I saw this article I could only laugh at the thought of "sisters being good for you".