50 Shades Of Grey - Porn for women?

Started by wh666, Jul 10, 2012, 07:48 AM

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wh666

I'm actually quite thankful for this book in a strange way.  With it being so popular, I find myself asking women, whom before, blasted their partners/complained about men watching porn, how what they are doing is any different?  First thing I've found in a while that shuts them all up.


Has anyone else had women around them buzzing about this book? 

AnubisRox

Oh yeah. This has been going around my social circle for weeks now! What you have to understand (and I bet you already know) is that women set their own standards that are different from how they judge men. For instance, male on female violence is funny while the opposite is comedy. Male confidence is seen as arrogance while female narcissism is seen as confident and empowering. All in all, anything that men do is dirty while a woman doing the same thing is "empowering".
Male pornography is seen as dirty because its for men's benefit. Also, men don't have to shell out large amounts of cash to be sexually satisfied. Women, on the other hand, and their sexuality is seen as wholesome and natural so its perfectly ok. In fact, they're even MORE encouraged since the men in these stories are so idealistic that no man can attain that, so it becomes a general failing of ALL men. So, books like 50 Shades of Gray is seen as "escapist fiction" for women.

Even though the movie "Magic Mike" isn't porn you can see how women all over the place are swooning about the actors' bodies in it. Even in front of their husbands or boyfriends! Can you imagine a movie where it was the other way around? Not only would it only be open for a week or so, men would have to sneak in to watch it and keep it from their significant others.
ell she turned me into a NEWT!! A newt?! Er..., well I got better.

LSBeene

I remember in college an incident that happened.

I was dating a rather nice girl who was captain of her swim team.  She was very proper in public, and very conscious of her status as team captain, of her good name, and not thrilled with my tendency (at the time, hey, everyone grows up, eventually) to blab about our private life.  In private she was a kinky tigress in bed.

As an aside - if I could go back in time I would have kept my mouth shut and would, to this day, apologize for my big mouth concerning our intimacy.

That said :
One weekend my (then) GF and I were watching porn.  Later that weekend we were talking to her swim coach, a very openly lesbian feminist - my GF at the time was attending Wellesley College.  Being a person who grew up without the concept of boundaries I mentioned to her swim coach how we had enjoyed some adult movies during the weekend to spice up our sex life.

Yea, that went over like a ton of bricks with my then-GF (poor woman).

But, relevant to this thread - The reaction from her feminist lesbian coach was less than warm.  In her words I was supporting an industry that exploited women, supported furthering the damage to women who were molested, that porn denigrated, demeaned, and was degrading to women etc etc.

At the time, in my early 20's, I didn't know what I know now.  Almost half of the porn industry is RUN by women.  They make a product not for social instruction, but based on what men want.  The same industry makes couples porn.  The SAME industry makes LESBIAN porn, tailored to lesbian erotic wants.

And as I've grown older and asked more insightful questions, I've found that lesbian relationships (and trust me, not knocking them on this) have the same lusts, the same desires, and there is a LOT of Dom/sub and S&M lesbian porn out there.

Now, I'm not making this about lesbians -  but instead wanted to point out that, absent any males, that women, in a purely women sexualized environment, crave the same weirdness and kink that are "typically male". 

But, of course, there is a different spin.  Whereas "male" porn is dirty and degrading, women's porn is "thought provoking", "a gripping erotic thriller", and "controversial and edgy".

I don't begrudge women their erotic desires, nor do I have double standards where sex is involved.  My problem is THEIR freaking double standards.

Men dating younger women is exploitation.  Women dating younger men is "empowered Cougars" and made into TV shows and movies that glamorize the activities.

I say this to "50 Shades of Grey" - bravo and enjoy It ladies.  You don't need me to validate your sexual thoughts - they are your own affair.

I will say this:  Considering all the PC/feminist culture has done to neuter and beta-ize men today - it's not surprising that a book describing a strong male, submissive female engaging in Dom/sub behavior has become such a hit.  It seems to have filled a "need" niche that women have missed out on thanks to feminists.

Ladies - enjoy the book - but if you try later to shame-language me about my erotic desires, expect a scathing lecture on double standards and for me to humiliate you, in public, when you try to berate me.

Steven
'Watch our backs at home, we'll guard the wall over here. You can sleep safe tonight, we'll guard the door."

Isaiah 6:8
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

outdoors


Fifty Shades of Grey critics slam bondage stereotypes

BDSM advocates say E.L. James's books perpetuate myths about BDSM community


Booksellers recently reported that E.L. James' erotic trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey accounted for up to 20 per cent of all the print novels sold in the U.S. this spring.

While the series has obviously titillated readers, sex experts and members of the alternative sexual community say the books draw a problematic and unfounded link between sadomasochism and mental illness.

"As a researcher in this area of sexuality, it doesn't sit well with me," says Caroline Pukall, director of the Sex Therapy Service in the Department of Psychology at Queen's University in Kingston, Ont.

The best-selling books focus on an enigmatic billionaire named Christian Grey, who becomes romantically involved with a sexually inexperienced young woman named Anastasia Steele and asks her to become his "submissive," or sex slave.

The virginal Anastasia finds the world of handcuffs and leather whips both alarming and arousing. She soon learns, however, that Christian's predilection for bondage and spanking is a consequence of being sexually abused as an adolescent.

While the books are fiction, this explanation plays into stereotypical attitudes toward the alternative sex lifestyle, says Tristan Taormino, a U.S.-based sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Kink.

"There is an assumption that the reason he's kinky is because he is damaged, because he had a rough childhood," she says.

"There's this assumption that there's this one-to-one correspondence, which in real life there's isn't."

The reality of BDSM

Studies on the psychology of BDSM (bondage, discipline, slave and master) practitioners have found that very few are mentally disturbed. If anything, the opposite is true.

An Australian study from 2002 that interviewed 19,307 respondents aged 16 to 59 found that BDSM buffs were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity than those who engage in so-called "vanilla sex," the generally accepted term for non-BDSM sexual activity.

The study also suggested that men who partook in BDSM were less likely to have psychological distress than other men.
The first book in E.L. James's steamy series. (Vintage Books)
"I would say 95 per cent of the people I know that are engaged in this lifestyle are consensual, they're adults, they can make good choices, they own their sexuality," says Morpheous, a Toronto-based BDSM enthusiast and author of the books How to Be Kinky and How to Be Kinkier.

Fifty Shades of Grey, as well as films like Secretary (2002) and 9 Weeks (1986), suggest that people who are into alternative sexual activities fit some sort of psychological profile -- typically negative.

"The inherent mistake in the book is Anastasia's question really early on, which is, 'Why is he this way?' I think it really flies in the face of everything I know about sexuality," says Taormino.

"It's not really a question that can be answered. People are so different in their turn-ons, turn-offs, fantasies, fetishes, kinks, and their sexuality is so individual."

BDSM attracts all kinds of people

She says people who are into BDSM run the gamut from doctors to kindergarten teachers to organic farmers. The one generalization she will make is that most of them are in a higher income bracket, because kink events often "happen at really nice hotels, and there's all this gear."

Nonetheless, the stereotypes around BDSM remain strong. Last week, the RCMP announced it was investigating one of its own officers, Cpl. Jim Brown, after violent and pornographic photos of the officer on Fetlife.com, a social networking site for sexual fetishists, came to light in the media.

While acknowledging Cpl. Brown's personal right to freedom, RCMP assistant commissioner Randy Beck said, "I am personally embarrassed and very disappointed that the RCMP would be, in any way, linked to photos of that nature."

Caroline Pukall of Queen's University says the book's attitude, as well as public reaction to Col. Brown's extracurricular activities, reflects a widespread belief that BDSM relationships are inherently abusive.

"It's because people confuse BDSM with sexual sadism," says Pukall.

"We think of Paul Bernardo, we think of these criminals who violate other people and cause pain during sexual acts and a lot of suffering and death, in many cases. But these are two very, very, very different phenomena -- they are not the same at all," Pukall says.

Code of conduct

To ensure safety, the BDSM community imposes a behavioural code of "Safe, sane and consensual" or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), which basically ensures that sex play is mutually agreed upon.

"The first rule of BDSM is you have to get informed consent," says Taormino. "That's the crucial principle on which we all operate."

Pukall says that as in Fifty Shades, most sadomasochistic relationships involve a contract that delineates boundaries for both the dominant and submissive partner. The contract typically includes both "hard limits" (activities a person utterly refuses to engage in) and "soft limits" (activities they might consent to in special circumstances, or with an experienced partner).

Pukall says she was impressed with the depiction of the contract in Fifty Shades, "because it really laid down the law of what was and was not acceptable to Christian, and it was actually modifiable by Ana."

Taormino, who recommends sexual contracts for their clarity and as a subtle form of foreplay, laments the circumstances of the contract in Fifty Shades.

"I wouldn't give a contract to someone so inexperienced -- it would be irresponsible," she says.

Although he takes issue with its somewhat closeted view of the BDSM world, Morpheous does say the Fifty Shades books mark a positive development.

"I could recommend way hotter BDSM fiction, but I think Fifty Shades of Grey is a really great, mainstream way to get people sort of used to the idea," says Morpheous, who has been in a master-slave relationship with his girlfriend for the last two and a half years.

"Maybe 1,000 people read it, and maybe five people look up their local kinky social media site and get a chance to explore a little bit more - well, that's five people that are going to be happier and little more satisfied with their sex life."


http://www.cbc.ca/news/arts/story/2012/07/10/f-50-shades-of-grey-bdsm.html

outdoors

 Steven,I borrowed part of your comment;

Quote
Considering all the PC/feminist culture has done to neuter and beta-ize men today - it's not surprising that a book describing a strong male, submissive female engaging in Dom/sub behavior has become such a hit.  It seems to have filled a "need" niche that women have missed out on thanks to feminists.

Ladies - enjoy the book - but if you try later to shame-language me about my erotic desires, expect a scathing lecture on double standards and for me to humiliate you, in public, when you try to berate me.


and posted it-lol.

So far    26 for  56 against.

LSBeene

#5
Jul 12, 2012, 09:22 AM Last Edit: Jul 12, 2012, 09:25 AM by LSBeene
Ok - this is the second CBC article where I see NO LINK to the "comments" section.  Am I just a complete nitwit.  How do I see the comments?


#############@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Modified to add:

Oh, ok, I had to be logged in to to see the comments.  Now I see them.  Wow, I'm a dope.

:)
'Watch our backs at home, we'll guard the wall over here. You can sleep safe tonight, we'll guard the door."

Isaiah 6:8
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

outdoors

No,you do not have to be logged in to view.

Just be patient and the comment's will show up.

Sometimes takes a bit for the full page to load.

Captain Courageous

Quote
Male confidence is seen as arrogance while female narcissism is seen as confident and empowering.


That's keeper ... one for the archives.  :sunny:

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