Advice on being newly single?

wh666 · Nov 18, 2012, 06:01 PM

Hey all,

Just seeking tips as I find myself approaching single-dom, after being out of the arena for nearly a decade, so I could do with some tips as it's an alien world to me now, so feel free to let them flow ....

PaulGuelph · Nov 18, 2012, 06:21 PM

You don't need to have a girlfriend at all times. Make some male friends.

User 0 · Nov 19, 2012, 05:05 AM

What Paul said. I once found myself at the end of a nine year relationship, most of which was spent living together. I had gotten so used to the idea of "us" that I didn't even think in terms of "me" anymore. It took me a couple of years to figure out who I was -without- her. Take some time to figure out what you've learned from the relationship, then take some time to figure out who are you without her. Get your own shit striaght, then worry about a girlfriend.

Nillerz · Nov 19, 2012, 05:35 AM

Go through a quantity until you find some quality.

BRIAN · Nov 19, 2012, 11:12 AM

Just enjoy doing what the hell you want to do. Bang some strange, get a motorcycle or sportscar and go touring. Be your own man and realize you don't need a female or females approval to be happy.

wh666 · Nov 24, 2012, 10:16 AM

Quote from: BRIAN on Nov 19, 2012, 11:12 AM

Just enjoy doing what the hell you want to do. Bang some strange, get a motorcycle or sportscar and go touring. Be your own man and realize you don't need a female or females approval to be happy.

I think that's what I'm going to enjoy the most and the deprivation that's made me the most miserable. I'd like to be able to socialise and enjoy life without permission, accusation or condemnation.

Hahaha that's my biggest question, how to "bang some strange"!? Never been a pick-up artist or even capable of approaching women with one intent in mind and met all past partners through friends or after being friends for a while.

Quote from: PaulGuelph on Nov 18, 2012, 06:21 PM

You don't need to have a girlfriend at all times. Make some male friends.

Trying that as well. Been looking for male friends as well as female ones. Found one guy near me that seems like a good guy.

Quote from: Nillerz on Nov 19, 2012, 05:35 AM

Go through a quantity until you find some quality.

Hehehehe sounds like fun, but to avoid danger, I do plan to take my time and find some quality.

Quote from: User 0 on Nov 19, 2012, 05:05 AM

What Paul said. I once found myself at the end of a nine year relationship, most of which was spent living together. I had gotten so used to the idea of "us" that I didn't even think in terms of "me" anymore. It took me a couple of years to figure out who I was -without- her. Take some time to figure out what you've learned from the relationship, then take some time to figure out who are you without her. Get your own shit striaght, then worry about a girlfriend.

Very true. This has been a long time on the cards, so I've had a little while to get used to the idea and sort my head out, so while the whole shit-storm happens, I can remain quite calm about it all. Lol she really doesn't like the fact that I have come to peace with the situation so much! When telling people, which is awkward at times; she says "Stop smiling and laughing, this isn't funny!" but that just makes me giggle more.

I know that feeling of not even thinking as an individual. Did you ever find yourself, stopping mid sentence and realising that even on your own speaking to a friend, you're still saying "we", even after quite a while?!

I don't plan to leap in to a committed relationship at all, for quite a while! But would enjoy female company in some form. Looking at modern socialisation, where everyone has lop sided TV-reality haircuts and find narcissism and rudeness the norm, I don't know where to start, well beyond trying to find social groups/networks to join with?

Captain Courageous · Nov 24, 2012, 11:41 AM

Remember that, the older you get, the more of a commodity you are.

By the time you are my age, you'll see women pairing off, largely due to the fact that there aren't many men around.

I found that, when I was totally absorbed in doing my own thing, women pursued me.
Some of the best deals I ever had literally fell into my lap. Pratice patience. You simply cannot lose!

CaptDMO · Nov 24, 2012, 12:10 PM

Well, if allowed your formerly shared living quarters-
Repaint the walls.
It covers the old smell/stains. (big psyco-triggers)

If you want to travel in new circles , consider a dumpster for all the old baggage, including all the old tags.

User 0 · Nov 24, 2012, 06:38 PM

Quote from: wh666 on Nov 24, 2012, 10:16 AM

I know that feeling of not even thinking as an individual. Did you ever find yourself, stopping mid sentence and realising that even on your own speaking to a friend, you're still saying "we", even after quite a while?!

Well... I'm sure I would have, but when that whole thing ended, I pretty much walked away from my entire life. I left the house with two changes of clothes and a plane ticket. It was about as "clean break" as it can get. It essentially reset my adult life, so I wouldn't recommend it if you have ambition or roots you care about. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you happiness.

Nillerz · Nov 25, 2012, 07:23 AM

Remember to carry a little bottle of Tobasco in your wallet. Put it in your used condoms, and if she starts screaming, sue her for extortion. Also, be wary of women who are WAY too into you. They have ulterior motives, or they're clingy and psychotic.

neoteny · Nov 25, 2012, 10:59 PM

Men reveal the moves that make women swoon
By Chelsea Kaplan
When DC-based journalist Chelsea Kaplan isn't helping you solve your relationship problems, she's making jewelry.

Virtue · Nov 26, 2012, 09:37 AM

Stay single.....tell every woman you date/fuck that your not interested in a girlfriend or wife

wh666 · Nov 26, 2012, 03:07 PM

Quote from: Virtue on Nov 26, 2012, 09:37 AM

Stay single.....tell every woman you date/fuck that your not interested in a girlfriend or wife

Definitely not interested in a wife and I plan on telling people I'm not ready to dash in to a massive/full on relationship. One thing I haven't been able to do in the past is socialise outside of a relationship and don't want to fall in to that again.

Quote from: Nillerz on Nov 25, 2012, 07:23 AM

Remember to carry a little bottle of Tobasco in your wallet. Put it in your used condoms, and if she starts screaming, sue her for extortion.

Hahahahaha great method! Lol in the past I've always wadded up in damp toilet tissue and flushed so it cant float back.

Quote from: Nillerz on Nov 25, 2012, 07:23 AM

Also, be wary of women who are WAY too into you. They have ulterior motives, or they're clingy and psychotic.

The problem is, I'm a very passionate person, I've got to learn to be more aloof, especially in modern society.

Sometimes it is hard to judge what's clingy/way too in to you or just passionate. I hate women on the other end of the spectrum that just give you the cold shoulder and expect you to be grateful or chase.

wh666 · Feb 25, 2013, 05:15 PM

Haven't had too much time to come on here lately, but thought I'd update this after two months. Quite interesting to read how I felt back over the festive period.

Thankfully, I'm in a much better place at the moment, feeling a lot more cheerful, find myself talking to more people and even made a couple of male friends/groups to go out with. Been on quite a few dates as well and feeling a bit more confident in myself, lol and banged some strange, so all is going a lot better, still not perfect, but better, at least I feel like I'm on the right road now.

Anyway thanks for your previous help guys and I hope you're all doing well.

neoteny · Feb 25, 2013, 06:21 PM

Good on ya; have fun, eh?