A Feminist lists ways men can help feminism

[Russ2d]

I found this on a site called GenderAgenda. The article and its comments are an interesting glimpse into their pathetic delusional world. 
http://www.gender-agenda.org.uk/discuss/1100/suffering-under-the-burden-of-patriarchal-responsibility-read-this/comment-page-1/#comment-2754

...Instead, I'm going to offer a list of ways that men who are GENUINELY INTERESTED IN FEMINISM can go about supporting and aiding the dismantling of patriarchy, and the liberation of women.

1. In the pursuit of feminist aims, do not - as men - use your time to discuss, ponder, and process the ways that you are affected by patriarchy. If you really must do this, limit it to an annual conference.

2. Instead, use your 'feminist' time to do the things that women are having to do that is stopping them from being able to discuss, organise, consciousness-raise. Find out where your local women's centre is, or your local feminist consciousness-raising group is. Work out if there's anyone who can't come because of childcare reasons, or because they are having to work nights. Offer to do domestic work/childcare so that women can organise and meet. OFFER. Don't impose.

3. If this isn't your 'bag', have weekly cooking sessions. Cook meals for women whose kids need to be fed on a particular night when they want to meet with other women and process/discuss. Or just cook for those meetings. But don't come to them. Make sure you do all the washing up.

4. Before you consider talking about 'patriarchy', read a about it, or talk to your feminist (women) friends. Explain that you would like to know more. Listen and do not argue. There are plenty of books on the subject. I would recommend Audre Lorde, Patricia Hill Collins, Kate Millett, bell hooks, Adrienne Rich. Do not read feminist theory that has been written by men.

5. When the women picket, protest, demonstrate, ask tentatively if they would like a solidarity demo. For example, in defending the Women's Library, or in Reclaim The Night etc. If they say no respect that.

6. Don't watch commercial pornography, so as to limit the normalisation of the degradation of women in your mind.

7. Don't talk over women or interrupt them or explain to them why they're wrong, particularly in discussions about oppression, politics, or academic subjects.

8. Don't walk around with your shirt off. Women don't have that privilege because of patriarchal constraints. If you are really, really hot, ask every single woman in the room if she feels comfortable with it.

9. Express agreement and praise in the same way you would express it to someone you respect.  Compliments, assent and praise are often mechanisms of power. For example, in a supervision, if I say something vaguely coherent and Professor X tells me I have made an 'interesting point', it implies that what I have said has pleased him, and that I should then feel gratitude or embarrassment. This experience is common to many conversational interactions between men and women, particularly within the confines of places like  Cambridge University. Women do not need to be complimented on the things that they say, we are not seeking your approval, and we're not automatically delighted when we hear you say 'well done' or 'interesting point'.

10. In a 'men's feminist discussion group', don't use words like 'victim', 'hyperbole', 'paranoid', 'extremists' (unless you're supporting them), 'oversensitive'

11. Don't treat being a 'feminist man' as a gateway to flexing your intellectual muscles. At the same time, don't treat being a 'feminist man' as a gateway to chatting about your or women's 'lived experience'. Ultimately you don't experience patriarchy as an oppressed group so neither of these things are available to you.

12. Treat the women in your life with respect. Don't expect sex from your girlfriend. Don't expect your mother to do your laundry. Don't make comments about your sister's sex life or her dress sense. Don't use words like 'bitch', 'ho', 'slut', 'slag', 'tease', 'dyke', 'frigid'. Even in 'jest'.

13. An elaboration on the former: don't just wait for consent from sexual partners. Assume that it is very likely you do not have consent. For any sexual contact - not just penetrative intercourse.

14. Do not ever make personal comments about women's appearance, to your friends or to women. Regardless of whether they are 'compliments'.

15. Don't expect any praise from doing all the things listed above. They are the TIP of the iceberg in being an active ally to feminists.

***

In conclusion, 'feminist men' of Cambridge University, a pretty basic rule of thumb is this: privilege does not equal oppression. Yes it can be uncomfortable to suddenly realise your role in perpetuating patriarchal oppression. If that discomfort could then lead you to see more clearly the real and brutal violence of misogyny in society, that would be great. But hitherto it has not. It has led you to try and carve a space out for yourselves in the box labelled 'oppressed by patriarchy (read: women)'. If this is really your jam, then I suggest you look at groups such a 'Fathers4Justice', or 'Justice for DSK'. If you are REALLY, TRUTHFULLY willing to be an ally for feminists, consider how you can fit in around the work that is already being done, and how you can start to begin damage-control without privileging your own voices.

[bluegrass]

https://suite101.com/a/meeting-the-queen-a106771

What to Do and What Not to Do Around Royalty

The list of dos and don'ts is not as extensive or overwhelming as one might think, but they are important. To break protocol could possibly be viewed as an insult, however, having been Queen for over 50 years there are bound to be times when even she breaks the rules. Some things to keep in mind:

Don't speak unless spoken to. According to Martin Higgins, a former butler at Buckingham Palace, in an article for Conde Nast Portfolio.Com, September 6, 2007, says that this is the number one cardinal rule.

When spoken to or addressing royalty for the first time, use the highest official address which applies, such as "Your Majesty', for the Queen, or "Your Royal Highness" for a prince; afterwards use sir or mam.

Women should curtsy and men should nod their heads.

If the Royal person offers a hand, the handshake should be short and not hard.

Allow the Queen to leave the room first; backs should never be turned toward the Queen, unless it absolutely cannot be helped.

During meals, the Queen eats first and when she stops, the others at the table stop. Eat what is served and do not request anything more or less.

Should something drop during dinner do not say a word, someone will retrieve it quietly and without fanfare.

Do not go to the restroom during a meal unless it is an absolute, have-to-go situation. Discreetly ask where the lavatory or loo is located and make it fast. It is best to cross the legs and suffer through if possible.

Gifts Fit for a Queen

An important do when meeting royalty is to exchange gifts. Exchanging gifts when visiting royalty has been a tradition for hundreds of years. Typically, visiting state heads exchange gifts on the first day of the visit. This is seen as a symbol of goodwill. The gifts are typically chosen to represent the country's culture or history.

Although there are certainly many more dos and don'ts in the world of royalty, the idea is obvious that the Queen sets the tone and she is to be respected to the nth degree. While it is true that some of the more obnoxious protocols are fading, the Queen is still the Queen and demands the proper treatment from all who grace her presence.

[neoteny]

Do not go to the restroom during a meal unless it is an absolute, have-to-go situation. Discreetly ask where the lavatory or loo is located and make it fast. It is best to cross the legs and suffer through if possible.

Tycho [Brahe] suddenly contracted a bladder or kidney ailment after attending a banquet in Prague, and died eleven days later, on 24 October 1601. According to Kepler's first hand account, Tycho had refused to leave the banquet to relieve himself because it would have been a breach of etiquette.

Although it is quite unlikely today that withholding evacuation of bodily waste would lead to death, I believe that Nature's demands are above etiquette, even royal one. Of course there's no need to pipe up: "Bessy, where's the john? I've got to piss like a racehorse".

(Your comparison of radical feminist & royal etiquette is good.)

[Eviltwin]

After reading the original article, I have a hard time understanding why any man in his right mind would want to help feminism. There really needs to be some sort of quid pro quo involved. Like what's in it for me if I do all of this stuff.  According to item #12 we are not supposed to expect sex. That sounds like a real deal breaker right there. The list could come in handy for men who are sick and tired of feminism and want to get rid of it. They just have to remember to do the opposite at all times. If using words like "bitch", "ho", or  "slut" will help get rid of feminism, I am all for it. Feminists are just a lot of bitches anyway. 

[Cordell Walker]

next article----"how jews can help Nazism" followed by "how kulaks can help Stalinism"

[LSBeene]

1.   In the pursuit of feminist aims, do not - as men - use your time to discuss, ponder, and process the ways that you are affected by patriarchy. If you really must do this, limit it to an annual conference.

Do not speak or discuss as a group, unless approved of by your betters.  When you do, only do so on a rare instance, and with prior approval.



2. Instead, use your 'feminist' time to do the things that women are having to do that is stopping them from being able to discuss, organise, consciousness-raise. Find out where your local women's centre is, or your local feminist consciousness-raising group is. Work out if there's anyone who can't come because of childcare reasons, or because they are having to work nights. Offer to do domestic work/childcare so that women can organise and meet. OFFER. Don't impose.

This isn't really so much offensive, as having the POV that we are there to be their domestic servant - so, annoying and snide.



3. If this isn't your 'bag', have weekly cooking sessions. Cook meals for women whose kids need to be fed on a particular night when they want to meet with other women and process/discuss. Or just cook for those meetings. But don't come to them. Make sure you do all the washing up.

"Make sure you do all the washing up."  - If I ever talked to my wife this way she'd be thoroughly pissed.  If I ever talked to my FRIEND that way he or she would be pissed.  The only person to whom you speak this way to, and only if you don't have manners, is a SERVANT.


4. Before you consider talking about 'patriarchy', read a about it, or talk to your feminist (women) friends. Explain that you would like to know more. Listen and do not argue. There are plenty of books on the subject. I would recommend Audre Lorde, Patricia Hill Collins, Kate Millett, bell hooks, Adrienne Rich. Do not read feminist theory that has been written by men.

This reminds me of "don't worry your pretty little head about it" statements that were made that infuriates women.  "Listen and do not argue" - read: You are in receiving mode.  You have little to contribute and are only here to add to my Royal Court and hear me pontificate.  The last line is straight up bigotry.



5. When the women picket, protest, demonstrate, ask tentatively if they would like a solidarity demo. For example, in defending the Women's Library, or in Reclaim The Night etc. If they say no respect that.

You may participate only if your female sponsor or chaperone has deigned to give you permission.  If not, do not speak nor participate.  Wow.  Just wow.



6. Don't watch commercial pornography, so as to limit the normalisation of the degradation of women in your mind.

Meanwhile, women watching porn is empowering.  Lesbian BD/SM D/s porn is perfectly ok, and so is gay or bi porn - but only if you are gay or a bi woman.  Men are not allowed to watch porn.



7. Don't talk over women or interrupt them or explain to them why they're wrong, particularly in discussions about oppression, politics, or academic subjects.

Wow : we are your superiors in all subjects on gender, oh, and politics, oh, and about academic stuff, and certainly on being oppressed - so either nod and agree (silently of course) or don't speak or participate in any way.  



8. Don't walk around with your shirt off. Women don't have that privilege because of patriarchal constraints. If you are really, really hot, ask every single woman in the room if she feels comfortable with it.

Meanwhile, if we want to feed children in public that is our right, as our breasts are not sexual objects - but if you TOUCH our breasts w/out permission that is sexual assault.  Women protesting without shirts is empowering and they don't need permission, but your dirty male chest is offensive.  Good Grief.



9. Express agreement and praise in the same way you would express it to someone you respect. Compliments, assent and praise are often mechanisms of power. For example, in a supervision, if I say something vaguely coherent and Professor X tells me I have made an 'interesting point', it implies that what I have said has pleased him, and that I should then feel gratitude or embarrassment. This experience is common to many conversational interactions between men and women, particularly within the confines of places like Cambridge University. Women do not need to be complimented on the things that they say, we are not seeking your approval, and we're not automatically delighted when we hear you say 'well done' or 'interesting point'.

You may not comment in any way when we express an opinion.  (see above) You may not disagree, and with this statement you may not agree either.  In other words, do not respond.



10. In a 'men's feminist discussion group', don't use words like 'victim', 'hyperbole', 'paranoid', 'extremists' (unless you're supporting them), 'oversensitive'

Since (generally and stereotypically) one of women's issues is a hyper-sensitivity to any form of (even constructive) criticism, you may not do this.  Pointing this out is verboten and heresy.  Even when we do it - right in front of you - and another woman points it out - YOU may not comment on it.  Also - you MAY use those words - but only to describe MRAs.  A single standard is not for us, and is oppressive - oh, and patriarchy.



11. Don't treat being a 'feminist man' as a gateway to flexing your intellectual muscles. At the same time, don't treat being a 'feminist man' as a gateway to chatting about your or women's 'lived experience'. Ultimately you don't experience patriarchy as an oppressed group so neither of these things are available to you.

Your feelings and experiences in certain subjects are not welcome.  Remain silent.  Do not agree, do not compliment, and DO NOT disagree.  Remain silent.



12. Treat the women in your life with respect. Don't expect sex from your girlfriend. Don't expect your mother to do your laundry. Don't make comments about your sister's sex life or her dress sense. Don't use words like 'bitch', 'ho', 'slut', 'slag', 'tease', 'dyke', 'frigid'. Even in 'jest'.

Meanwhile no womyn's group would EVER tell this to a lesbian couple.  Oh, and DENYING a woman affection, sex, or emotional support is hurtful and abusive.  The single standard of a reciprocal and equal relationship is on hold until that magical day we declare victory (which is never).



13. An elaboration on the former: don't just wait for consent from sexual partners. Assume that it is very likely you do not have consent. For any sexual contact - not just penetrative intercourse.

Don't touch her in any way that could, in the smallest way, even by MISinterpretation, be construed as physically affectionate.  You are to wait upon her whim and whimsy and only upon being instructed and invited are you to be physically affectionate.  SHE is NOT held to this standard.



14. Do not ever make personal comments about women's appearance, to your friends or to women. Regardless of whether they are 'compliments'.

Do not speak.  Now, women NEVER (/heavy sarcasm) make comments about other women's appearance - or anything else - in a negative way.  Just ask them - but don't listen to what they've already said.  And don't remind them of it.  Do not speak.


15. Don't expect any praise from doing all the things listed above. They are the TIP of the iceberg in being an active ally to feminists.

Positive feedback, even that given to a dog, is above you - as you are beneath even a dog - so expect only criticism (which you are not allowed to give) and never praise.

...... and this is their idea of equality.  Good.  Grief.