The problem with men
Obvious link between masculinity, violence has long been ignored
By BEVERLY MCPHAIL
http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/editorial/outlook/2930952Much media attention and water-cooler conversation has centered on the Detroit Pistons-Indiana Pacers game that ended in violence. The usual suspects were rounded up: race, celebrity, gangsta mentality and a general decline in civility. However, the elephant in the living room was rarely mentioned, that is, men and masculinity. Although gender is the major organizing category by which people come to know themselves and others, we act as if we don't know it. The word "gender" is most often used as a proxy for women and girls. Masculinity thus becomes invisible. Our society plays a big price for that ignorance, for men have a gender, too.
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Carefully defining what constitutes a problem is of vital importance because the definition guides the solution. When the toxic results of masculinity remain hidden, solutions are crafted that have nothing to do with the problem. Such erroneous thinking happens frequently.
For instance, several years ago much hand-wringing followed a rash of school shootings that occurred across the country. Fingers were pointed at the accessibility of guns, youth violence and the rural-suburban locale of many of the shootings. However, the larger point was missed: The perpetrators were not generic youth, but boys and men.
Pointing out the obvious grows tiresome and a little dangerous when one is a woman and a feminist. Charges of "man-hater" abound. But it is not about hating men to point out the dangers of masculinity as it is presently constructed. In fact, it is done out of a caring for men and the desire for them to escape from an oppressive masculine script that mandates that they come out of the womb with fist raised in order to be real men.
In our world today, to be masculine, a man must be in control, independent, competitive and aggressive -- with the capacity for violence. Aggression and the willingness to fight are tightly tied to masculinity and proving one's manhood. When there is a challenge to a man's masculinity, a shove on the basketball court or a cup of ice thrown, he must respond with aggression and violence if he is to be perceived as a real man. The loss of games played or salary earned pales in comparison to the importance of asserting one's manhood.
These contests of masculinity occur off the basketball court and in every other public venue as well.
Psychologist Stephen Ducat's new book, The Wimp Factor, illuminates the struggle to avoid being called a wimp in the political arena. Ducat names "anxious masculinity" as the real culprit when masculinity is a precarious and brittle achievement that must be constantly asserted, day by day and moment by moment. It's a definition of masculinity based on domination and the fear of being seen as feminine.
This played out in the presidential election when the Bush team succeeded in portraying its man as hypermasculine -- he doesn't consult others, doesn't admit error, goes on the offensive, drives a pickup truck, swaggers like a cowboy and marries a woman who appears subordinate. In contrast, John Kerry was painted as having feminine qualities -- he looks for consensus, consults others, is well-spoken and marries an opinionated woman.
Even policy issues are gendered. Public assistance programs and environmental issues, for example, are coded feminine and thus viewed negatively.
Not only is anxious masculinity a problem for men, it creates real problems for women. The underlying issue for men is fear and hatred of the feminine, both perceived feminine qualities in themselves and flesh-and-blood women. Such attitudes underlie many of the problems women face today, ranging from gender inequality at home and work, to domestic violence and rape.
Although basketball is viewed by many as just a game, sports is symbolically linked with warfare and masculinity, for players and the fans alike. Boys learn how to be men on the nation's fields, courts and diamonds. They are often castigated for poor play and effort with gender-based insults, such as when they are called "girls" and "ladies," learning to disdain not only girls and women, but also any perceived feminine qualities in themselves.
What happens when they walk off the field and out of the stands and into roles as father and lover? Often they bring the tests of masculinity and violence with them.
If we keep pointing the finger at sports or lack of societal civility in general, we are missing a vital opportunity to have a conversation about masculinity. Although the success of the women's movement was an expansion of roles and attributes for women, men remain in a small box of restricted masculinity. This restriction of human qualities causes much unacknowledged grief for men, women, children and our world as a whole. It's time -- no, past time -- to redefine what it means to be a man.
McPhail is a Houston-based writer who writes frequently on women's issues.
