dojo of the mind
That is what this place has become in many ways. I will thus explain a few of my observations.
These next example must be thought of in argumentation form, not literally physical fighting.
I see the natural way men fight is through a contest of strength. Two men pick up clubs and try to smack the other one down, but many times end up holding the clubs with both hands forcing it against their opponents stick, he doing the same - trying to knock the other one down by force and strength. Both men pushing their sticks against one another and the stronger one wins.
Men are stronger, linear and logically. This is one of men's greatest strengths, their linear logic. This fighting among men has produced much of the technology in the world. But as any martial artist will tell you, your greatest strength can become your biggest weakness.
Women don't fight this way. Why should they? They would lose 99% of the time. Would you enter a match you knew you were going to lose and get beaten badly? I didn't think so. Women are not that stupid. They learn early that men are stronger. They see adult men much bigger than adult women and see their future. So they use other techniques. Think passive aggressive. You come after them with your club / clue by four they are not going to go directly against you, no that would be stupid. They want to win. So when you come up swinging at them, they hold their stick like a bo and swing like they are going to meet you, but step out of the way, deflect your shot to the ground while swinging their stick to around to smack you in the head.
Patience and timing. They have it, they were forced to develop it. They can't win in direct contest of strength so they became martial arts experts. You run at them, they dodge you and push you to the ground.
I was a fencing champion in high school so I see much of this in terms of fencing.
Beginner fencers, and I was no different, would often get into this contest of strength - pushing their blades against each other in this battle of brute strength. Often their blades would be forced to the ground by one person or the other. But soon enough they learn that if one is pushing real hard, if they push back a little or not at all, instead moving their blade under and out of the way they can score a point. And the learning progresses.
I made my biggest leap in skill when an old Hungarian instructor taught me to always keep my point on target. When you parry the other fencers blade - force isn't your friend because you move your blade off target too at best and at worse if you miss, you are left wide open. Instead, he taught me to parry so that my blade guided the other fencers blade off target with a small wrist movement leaving the fencer open to be struck with an extension of my arm instead of full attack (lunge).
In arguments, I see lots of anger. Guys trying to clue bat their opponents and often get tossed around by these little martial arts girls - and all girls are martial artists with their minds. The only weapon guys know is the clue bat, only one way of swinging it, and only in certain circumstances. Pretty predictable if you ask me. So it is no wonder they get their butts kicked. They are patience, they wait and dodge you now, beat you down with small taps, not hay makers.
Anger. Yeah I know a lot about that, I could tell stories of the things I have broken when I was pissed. I can even tell you where it comes from. Anger comes from not having your expectations met. You have made estimates about the world and how it operates and when it does not operate according to those estimates - bam, you get pissed. The more estimates that end up wrong, the more pissed you get.
The solution, lower your expectations. Lower your assumptions. You are trying to get somewhere using a map of Chicago, when you are in Miami. Maybe it is time to buy a new map. The right map. If you were making the right estimates, had the correct assumptions and the correct expectations - you wouldn't be pissed. You would deal with the world as it is, not how you want it to be, or how you thought it was going to be, or hoped it would be. Why waste our time chasing after the snake that bite you because with every step we drive the poison further into us. A smarter move is to sit down to suck the poison out, or driving to a hospital.
The world it is how it is. We must learn new techniques to deal with it. Our old techniques have left many men angry, paying child support / alimony, in jail, or dead from suicide. Their clue bats failed. Anger doesn't work. Brute strength does not work when you are fighting a martial arts master, both physically and mentally. We must put the clue bats down and realize that there is no clue bat, only then will we learn how to use it properly.
I never said it would be easy. I never said it would be quick, I can actually promise you that will not be either. But the goal will make you more powerful than you can possible imagine.
