In Search Of Men Who Want To Marry Mommy

[Roy]

(Tongue-in-cheek...)

A truly incredible secretary identifies problems before they occur, closely analyzes possible solutions, proposes the optimal ones, and solves them after consulting with the "boss," who understands she's (maybe he's?) already dispatched 90% of the crap that never hit his/her radar screen.

A too typical wife merely identifies/manufactures the problems, declares that she's blameless, and then goes shopping to relieve her stress.

No wonder Maureen Dowd at the NYT is crying about successful men who just want to marry their secretaries!

I've never yet met a strident feminist who has 1/100th the power, intelligence, and personal finesse of an excellent secretary....

[Galt]

That's actually something I've heard from a whole lot of men (sometimes when they're out of earshot of their wives ...) - that they get all the problems dumped on them.

Maybe it has to do with the statistical fact that most women "marry up" - so they not only look to the man to produce more money, he is also considered the problem-solving person (presumably because he has the wherewhithall to earn more money, and thus to figure things out better).

Whatever the reason, it seems to be a very common complaint.  I felt that very heavily just living for several years with a woman.

[contrarymary]

From personal/professional experience, I can testify that a truly excellent secretary is 1000% more important to a man's mental health than a truly excellent wife.

One solves problems and shows incredible initiative on a daily basis.

The other shows incredible initiative in creating problems that can't be solved....

Yeah, I'm (happily) divorced....  

With respect, please keep in mind that many of the "problems" wives create have to do with the children.  At least the ones I was guilty of creating.  Otherwise, I kept my mouth shut.  (By the way, I am happily divorced as well.  Being a married single parent kind of sucked.)

As a secretary, I was efficient, I solved myriad problems, I sought solutions to situations that I perceived as potential problems, and presented those solutions in proposal form.  I knew what my boss wanted before he knew.  I also made thousands of cups of coffee and got thousands of lunches.  I screened calls and protected my boss from the unpleasantries of office life.

I was routinely assigned, or transferred over to, the most demanding, unpleasant and irrational men, because it was immediately apparent that I would take verbal abuse and not attack back.  (Meaning I was perceived as the perfect doormat.)

Being a wife was not all that different, but at least in the office my work was appreciated.  

[Roy]

contrarymary --

With respect, please keep in mind that many of the "problems" wives create have to do with the children.

So, how come so many excellent secretaries can deal with "problem employees," who are, in many respects, like children ---

yet, in their domestic affairs, it all becomes chaos?

I'm not picking on you at all; just wondering why office life gets the "smooth" treatment, and the homefront too often becomes a war zone.

What happens after 5 o'clock to all those skills that women and men use at work to negotiate and compromise and focus?

Do people treat their co-workers better than they do their (assumed) intimate life partners?

Really liked your insight about being a "married single parent..."

Gotta be a lot of them out there in the land of wedded bliss.

[dr e]

A too typical wife merely identifies/manufactures the problems, declares that she's blameless, and then goes shopping to relieve her stress.

Sounds like you may be generalizing from an insufficient and biased sample.

[Roy]

Dr. E....

Your statistical acumen is right on track!

My personal sample as to wives is N = 1.

My anecdotal sample from hearing men's stories is N = infinity.

Obviously there are excellent wives among the population of married females.

Just as there are horrible secretaries among the representative sample.

Thanks for keeping the dialogue honest.

But, that's in your "job description..."  right? :wink:

[dr e]

Riiiiggghhhttt.   :mrgreen:

[contrarymary]

I'm not picking on you at all; just wondering why office life gets the "smooth" treatment, and the homefront too often becomes a war zone.

Myriad reasons, which include the fact that problem children are not the same as problem employees or clients/customers - one would hope children are immeasurably more precious.  Also, there are different emotions involved in the handling of each.  I may be upset that a customer is acting like a self-entitled little ass, and I do what I can to professionally curtail unacceptable behavior while determining if the customer has a legitimate complaint, as well as what I can reasonably do to accommodate her or him.  When it came to my children, however, there was much more involved.  If you are a parent, you will understand what I mean.

Further, if a client is experimenting with drugs or alcohol, or sneaking out of the house at night to meet a boy/girlfriend, it's not likely I would ever have found out, nor be expected to do something about it.  And if a client attempted suicide, I would be upset, but the onus wouldn't be on me to help that person recover.  I could provide resources and sympathy, but I wouldn't be the one responsible for the hand-holding at night, for the constant support and vigilance and for the tremendous amount of love, patience and understanding such a person requires.  

These are but some of the problems I presented to my husband.  Certainly both of us had a hand in creating them, due to sometimes less-than-perfect parenting, but often children will engage in risky or questionable behavior simply because they want to.  I certainly didn't mean to make my ex's life hell because the children were having problems, but he was also their parent, and needed to know what was going on in his household.

BTW, he really didn't give a damn.  He was simply too into himself. And his bong.  

I am not stating all men are like that - but my ex definitely was.  I made a bad choice, and I had to live with the consequences.  I watch the fathers of the kids who work for me, and I admire them tremendously.  Very involved, very caring.  It's a beautiful thing to see.

[Roy]

Well said.

[Stallywood]

That's actually something I've heard from a whole lot of men (sometimes when they're out of earshot of their wives ...) - that they get all the problems dumped on them.

Maybe it has to do with the statistical fact that most women "marry up" - so they not only look to the man to produce more money, he is also considered the problem-solving person (presumably because he has the wherewhithall to earn more money, and thus to figure things out better).

Whatever the reason, it seems to be a very common complaint.  I felt that very heavily just living for several years with a woman.

Which is why some of the earliest advice I ever received about women, was "Never date/marry a woman who has more problems than you do."

It took me years to figure this out. Well actually I figured it out when I got my first GF. Her problems became mine.

Stally

[Roy]

Stally --

Which is why some of the earliest advice I ever received about women, was "Never date/marry a woman who has more problems than you do."

I read a slightly different take on this in Dr. Laura Schlesinger's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."  ( Disclaimer -- I did not buy this book... )

Commenting on how so many chivalrous men fall for needy women who play into their masculine need to be protectors, the good Ms. Doc suggested, (paraphrasing from memory) --

"When you rescue/marry a damsel in distress, you don't get a princess. You get one very distressed damsel."