DV

[alien]

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/news/article/0,1299,DRMN_3_3523667,00.html

Hard to read - but i think the following is written on the last photo:

Is this the party who assualted you?

If so what is his name?

"What are his bank account details?"

[Galt]

From that article:

<<"I believe the word is getting out that if you call the police as a victim, there is a chance you could be arrested and taken to jail. The ramifications of that are horrible," said Lisa Calderón, legal and social policy director for the Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence in Boulder. >>

Lisa is shocked - shocked - to discover that women are also now being arrested in substantial numbers under "mandatory arrest".  And my feeling is that these are just cases in which it is very clear that she assaulted him, with no response from him.  Not the usual back-and-forth drunken verbal abuse and mutual bitch-slapping, hair-pulling and wrestling that seems to go on ad infinitum in these types of cases.

Lisa seems to now be mirroring the advice that has been given by attorneys to men for years - no matter what she does to you, short of an injury so serious you have to go to the hospital, DON'T call the police, or you may wind up going to jail yourself.  No matter what happened.  Just get out of the situation.

I have no idea what the solution is for "society" - since I don't really care as long as these people don't bother me or scare the horses.  What is important for YOU, as an individual, is to not get involved in a situation like this.  If you are a man who has a girlfriend with a violent temper (and yes - they exist a whole lot more than the media and society currently present ...) then you have to immediately get away from her.  Same advice for women, vice-versa, but you have society and the police on your side, not the other way around.  The usual caveat before was that women are always considered "victims", but if you are a man, you have a very good chance of going to jail yourself if you call the police.  Something must have set off pumpkin, so goes the reasoning, and it must have been some physical abuse on your part that she was just defending against.

But cops are apparently now getting wise to what really goes on.  As long as the man didn't touch her in self-defense, and just ran out of the room or house, or has a knife still sticking in his neck, pumpkin's going to jail today.  Bummer for feminists.

But just get away from her.  There are no men's shelters, but men have to be the big-wheel earners anyway in society.  Scrape it together to go to a Motel 6.  Just get away from her (I know - while you're probably still paying the mortgage - think about that the next time a woman bats her eyes at you).

I know that it's tough in practice.  Every time that song comes on the radio you think about her.  But get over it, dude, and really get away from her.  If there are kids involved, I know that it gets a lot more complicated.  If you are afraid that she will be violent to the kids, do what it takes.  Install a hidden video recorder to film her violent actions against you and the kids.  Or think of something else to get verification, and then beat down the doors of the government agencies.

Otherwise - don't have kids until you have known her for years, or better decades.  Or don't have kids at all, because the deck is stacked against you.

[alien]

... If you are afraid that she will be violent to the kids, do what it takes. Install a hidden video recorder to film her violent actions against you and the kids.

Smart advice, Galt.

My boss did this very thing and presented the footage in court.  He was just about screwed to the wall by the usual "she wouldn't lie and it's always the man's fault" belief system - until he presented the video evidence. The court had nowhere to go after that - it was plain for all to see.

[Galt]

About a year or so ago, there was an article on cnn.com that quickly disappeared.  It involved a rape case.

A woman went home with a man for a one-night stand after an evening of meeting him in a bar and drinking with him.

She went to the police and said that she willingly went to his house - but just for another drink - and he raped her.

He said that they had consensual sex, but he didn't call her the next day, or ever, and she was really pissed about that.

Uh-oh, for the guy.  Men have been put in prison for a decade for less (cf. "Gary Dotson, Chicago" - please Google that one ...).

But anyway ... he said that he had had anxiety about exactly this kind of thing, so he installed a video camera to secretly film all sexual encounters.  He simply recorded them, and deleted them after a year.  He didn't use this for any other purpose, just verification.

The district attorney viewed his tape - which was embarrassing to him - but then immediately dismissed all charges.  The woman, of course, was not charged with anything.  Not even filing a false police report.

But I like the new technology.  Video camera lenses can be hidden in a clock or a teddy bear.  Something to think about.

[alien]

Violence Against Women Act Ignores Epidemic Of Violent Women
http://www.mensnewsdaily.com/archive/s/schuett/2005/schuett022605.htm

[Galt]

Actually a friend of mine has started doing this same thing.  He was falsely accused of sexual harassment in the office, and when he deals with women in his office now, he keeps the door wide open and sometimes also goes out to tell his (female) secretary to feel free to listen in (I guess if he has a feeling about a certain woman).

It's sad that it has come to this.  But with a combination of the new technologies (web-cams etc.) and a push for real penalties against women who falsely accuse, this can really be dealt with.

I think that a false accusation is a very serious crime.  It's a spin of the roulette wheel, but it could land a person in prison for many years.  I'd rather get slugged in the face several times than go to prison for two years.  Hard choice, but I think that's how I'd view it.  So why are false accusers ignored?  It's really a crime.  You're just using society to carry out your aggression.

[alien]

But I like the new technology. Video camera lenses can be hidden in a clock or a teddy bear. Something to think about.

I agree Galt.

I actually helped my boss create a VHS tape, CD MPG, CD AVI, and a DVD of several incidents that showed his EX lashing out at him and his children. Until seeing it for myself - I just never put a face to the violence that women can inflict upon men. My boss is 6' 3" and is a big guy - and to see him just back away - and cop verbal and physical abuse is truly eye opening. Thank god for technology.

[alien]

It's weird though - because the other day he said to me "I sort of feel sorry for her not being able to see the kids". I said straight back to him - "Don't you dare. Don't you dare feel sorry for her as she would not show you any mercy at all."

That might sound harsh - but she stole all his property and had him locked up twice (once so she could steal his stuff) for DV. She also attacked his mother.

Yet - we men just have this knack for reverting back to chivalry. It's like gravity or something - you are just always pulled into feeling it.

[Galt]

<<My boss is 6' 3" and is a big guy - and to see him just back away ...>>

That's apparently what people - or society - doesn't yet understand.  Men back away due mostly to chivalry, and sometimes due to a fear of being arrested for hitting a woman.  These men are really free game for violent women.

There are some men out there who really think it's OK to beat women.  I have never personally met one, but I would give women the same advice I give to men: Get out of the situation, immediately.  For women, if it means having to get a job, oh well.  I already know about that job thing, for 25 years.  Regardless of gender: Get out.

For men, it may mean not only having to pay for money to live on your own, it may involve also paying for Pumpkin, or ex-Pumpkin.  All I can say to that is try to reduce your costs to Pumpkin with an attorney, or realize that a lot of attorneys don't care, and find out how to file motions yourself.

I also wonder about a lot of situations.  Back years ago when I was in college (OK - a LOT of years ago ...), I used to go out to bars a few times and play pool with a woman in my class - I wasn't all that interested in her sexually.  She told me that she was divorced, and when she was married she used to irritate her husband in a targeted way when they had fights - cutting down his manhood, (falsely?) claiming to have slept with a guy he knew etc.  And when he tried to get out the door to go for a walk and calm down, she would stand in front of the door and block it.  And further hurl anything against him she could.  Sadistic.

I thought, WTF?  But I think that goes on in a lot of marriages.

If you don't have a comfortable home-port, somewhere where you can go at the end of the day and really be happy that you're home - get out.  I mean it, get out.  You don't need her abuse, whether verbal or physical.

Same advice to women.  But I'm not good at advice to women, since a whole lot involves getting a job.  Tough stuff - the real world.

[Galt]

I'm sorry to complain here - but this is officially a complaint: I've almost been astonished at the fact that men and women are both in abusive relationships, granted, but the further injustice is that men in these cases are PAYING the abuser in a lot of cases.  The man pays the mortgage and the woman complains.  And complains.

I don't get that one-sided aspect of this.

And I know, there are some women who pay the mortgage (20%, did I guess it right ?).  And look at real decisions in divorce court.  That won't be continued.

Older, male judge to man who has leached off a woman for 15 years: "GET A JOB, you disgust me".

Older, male judge to a woman who was a homemaker for 15 years: "I'm going to give you what you deserve after your years of sacrifice".