Nagging

[Galt]

What's odd about the "nice guy" approach is that sometimes it doesn't occur to them that THEY may not want the woman.  It's kind of a cost-benefit analysis.  But I am similarly suspicious of raising a woman that far up on a pedestal.  She's just a human being, for God's sake.  I guess I'm the ultimate feminist (at least according to the dictionary definition - which is not the "working" (hidden) definition of feminists today), because I think women are just people too.  On the other side, men are people too, not instruments to use in life.  What a bizarre notion.

I like this formulation better: "You should do everything you can for a partner while you're in that relationship".

Maybe.

[HarryPawedHer]

I suggest finding a woman that you like to be around and deciding that your job is to make her so happy that she won't want to be anywhere else.   Every day, do something to make her happy.  One flower, one chocolate, one card, take out the garbage.........just do something she likes.

This doesn't happen in reality.  One of the most important things to be understood in a relationship is that the other person can't always be there to make you feel "special," and especially not every day.

The spoil him/her approach just burns you out.

[Matt99]

i feel that the bad relationships are the ones where you make the other person feel happy/needed, and are dependant on them for self esteem.

the good ones are when two people meet, who are already happy, who alreday have self esteem. they dont  need each other for anything, they just make each other more happy than they already are. as a result, no wife or husband should ever have to make their spouse feel needed deliberately, because if he/she needs to be needed then things arent ever gonna work.

[The Gonzman]

I'm confused.

What is the word for nagging when a man does it?

Oddly enough, it's called "Nagging."  It's one of those things, though, that is demonstrably practiced in grossly disproportionate amounts by females.

[Alpha Male]

It doesn't matter which gender you are. Nagging is a bad idea and it will ultimately work towards the destruction of a relationship/marriage.

In my experience, when a man nags, it's labelled as emotional and verbal abuse and used against him. When a woman nags, and I agree with Gonzo - again based on my own experience - women employ nagging much more than men, men can't lay down that victim card and say she emotionally/verbally abused me. He would be ridiculed. If you'd like to prove me wrong then show me an article where a man was able to pull that off.

That aside, if a man is nagged when he comes home, a man will start looking for reasons not to come home. Why would he want to come home to that? Likewise, if the woman is nagged, she is going to look for similar outs. They start avoiding their nagging partner and subsequently begin looking for someone to be around who won't nag them and will appreciate them. And there is ALWAYS some weasel waiting to step in and be that person. IMHO, nagging ultimately leads to adultery. It's like an invitation to have an affair.

[Stallywood]

Nagging.  Lets see, if I nag my GF/SO whatever, I am a controlling asshole trying to demean women. If on the other hand, my GF/SO whomever, nags ME, I am just a lazy asshole who needs a strong woman to kick him in the ass so he will lower the GD toilet seat.  

If my GF/SO throws an object at me, while I am making suggestions, er nagging, it is because she is a stong woman who wont put up with my shit.

Now if my GF ..... is nagging me, and I throw something at her, (fist, plate, lamp....) I am a lazy asshole who cant put up with a strong woman trying to get him off his lazy ass and put down the toilet seat. And I will /can expect to see the MAN at my door, talking about putting my B@#lk ass in the hoosecow.

Stally

[realman]

yes Stally, that is the deal.... :?

[DLove]

I'm confused.

What is the word for nagging when a man does it?

emotional abuse
psychological abuse
mental abuse
[/size]

DLove

[contrarymary]

It doesn't matter which gender you are. Nagging is a bad idea and it will ultimately work towards the destruction of a relationship/marriage.

So true, especially considering the one being nagged already realized that he/she has neglected something.

[mens_issues]

Galt, you're alwaaays complaining about something. Why can't you be more like some of the other guys and say something positive about women. And can't you even get an Avatar, geez ... is it that hard for you? "Galt, the guy who's above getting an Avatar" ... such a big man you are. And you never even use the "quote" button, what's with the << ... >> all the time? Are you that lazy you can't even use the quote button.

And what, you're too good to settle with a good woman? What's wrong with you? You'd rather go home alone after work and treat your body as if it was an amusement park! Maybe you should do that for a living ... you'd be a huge success. And you're always posting on that stupid SYG BB. Why don't you focus instead on your job ... maybe you'll get ahead for a change.

kallie

Galt!  I go away for a few days only to find you've been two timing me with Kallie.  You told me she was just your coworker.  Now I understand the wisdom of Amber Frey after her involvement with Scott Peterson.  

Stephanie  :lol:

[Yaakovwatkins]

I don't want to brag, but when my wife wanted to work I said fine.  I'll stay home and take care of the children. (I was in my early thirties)  I had discovered that many men a generation older than me wanted to retire and play with their grandchildren.  I retired and played with my children.  I didn't call it that to housewives because it tended to get them really angry.

(My kids are great but I won't bore people talking about them.)  

I try to do all that I can to make my wife happy.  It's paid off for me.  My kids are grown, I'm doing what I like.  A happy woman is a beautiful woman.  We are both aware that I can't be solely responsible for making her happy.  She can't be solely responsible for making me happy.

One rule of thumb we use is: "If we both go 90% of the way, we'll meet in the middle."  You see, reasonable people will disagree about what the middle point is because they have limited perspective.  The further apart they really are the more disagreement they will have.  So sometimes what looks like 90% to me looks like 20% to her.  And vice versa.  Try doing this in a physical environment with very few landmarks.  You will be amazed at how wrong you are.

So go 90%.   If you get used to going 90%, you will start noticing it when they do it.  You will feel cherished by them.  You may even feel spoiled by them.  (A wonderful feeling, I recommend it.)