Identifying the woman behind the curtain - violence by proxy

Started by Masterpiece, Mar 29, 2004, 09:34 PM

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Introduction to 'Violence by Proxy'.

To understand womans violence, I believe one has to understand the principles, the stepstones, in a typical feminine buildingprocess, of a violent context, and what she stands to possibly gain. I'm going to try and clarify what I mean by "the violent context", with a long explanation of my mothers longterm manipulation, as a counterwight to "quick" male violence, by using my own reality as a witness, to my mom's use of violence, as a pretext to launch a regular campaign of Parental Alienation Syndrome (hereafter PAS) against my father, and myself for that matter. To those of you, for whom PAS is unknown, here is an overview. To make a long story short, PAS is a term for brainwashing children into hating a parent.:

I chose to name the concept "violence by proxy", because it consisted of both the use of violence, police - and at times - social workers, against my father. I've not only seen her "doing" from the inside, over la long period of time, I've also witnessed other episodes like this, ignite in my childhood friends families, in mostly the same way, and under largely similar circumstances. Maybe this is a good time to let you know, that I'm from Denmark, just to get the cultural perspective right. Anyway; troubled kids tend to play with other troubled kids. I therefore believe I know a little bit about those troubles.

"Laying the Foundation"

My mom had a great desire to be in the center of things. You could say, she had a great desire to be both fully accepted, and entertained by a man, but had a kind of sick way to deal with it.
She seeked conflict, if she couldn't get my dad's attention in any other normal fashion. Which he tend to get a bit tired of at times. On top of that, she couldn't communicate her needs, because she perceived the expression of needs, as a weakness. But when all her unsatisfied "attention-needs", turned themselves into a pile of bitching, you wouldn't want to be around. Because the final result was always the same, but I'll get to that a little bit later.

My dad had a rather stupid way of dealing with it. He either simply ignored the tension in the air, or simply did not realize which way the wind blew in time. Anyway; those attempts to 'ventilate' her FAILED. As they are in general guarantied to fail...still.

The 'silence-trick'. It expresses a subtle loss of love, which woman, in general, will not let go by unnoticed. When he pulled that kind of trick, she went crazy. She played the ball back, by not talking to him for a while. Playing insulted, thereby laying a curtain of tension over the entire family. This is why I named this part of her concept "Laying the Foundation".

"Increamental bitching"

Then, as time passed by, little by little, she began bitching about something - usually something about cleaning, which was either not clean enough, or needed cleaning, eh? Later it turned into long series of swearing about what a pig he was, and how lazy the man was. But the more she build up the tension, while he tried to 'ignore it' away, the more she projected unfairness, both in her own, and our eyes. This, of course, made her even angrier. One tends to get angry, when perceived as unreasonable, but our home was also staggeringly clean at all times! Why? She tried to sort out internal chaos, by cleaning up outer space.

"The crucial Switch from aggressor to victim"

So, in order to switch the role as"monster" around, she could throw an ashtray in his head. Or smash a table lighter in his face. Or how about getting your ass kicked with a chair in your sleep!?

Then what happened? Well...she got the beating back. Of course! And then the situation suddenly became my problem too, because when he 'triggered' after a while of harassment, he usually gave her all of his build-up-tension back, wrapped in some bitchslapping, and I therefore had to intervene at some point in time. Parents don't rise out of control quite the same way, when their children are running around screaming.

But because he reacted on the harassment, the way he did, he stood to blame for the bruises, and she became victim. And it was simply inevitable. Because she would have kept on coming, until he took part in her anger, by making him defend himself, towards her own. I believe that's how situations like these usually evolve to begin with.

"First strike - Pulling Police"

Then what? Then the police usually were called upon. Because she could just not see, that her attitude HAD to be responded violently. Her anger was imposed on him that way! Nevertheless the police never saw anything else, but an innocent, crying woman, when they arrived. Because the police never witnessed the context, in which everything took place. I can also describe a potato for you, but not the taste. Besides - my mom had a talent for playing "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde", when her saviors came to her rescue, and husbands just can't compete with that. But I KNOW...I KNOW she went from the provocative, abusing being, the one moment - into the role of "attention-and-caring-needing" the next moment, because children easily recognize childish reactions in the adult, and so did I. Secondarily, there is the aftermath of "attention on the victim" awaiting her right?

So my dad became the bad guy, because he was a fool, who let himself fall into a trap of her bullsh**, and had to leave the house one way or another. And this would repeat itself many times, because she always wanted him back at some point in time, and he CAME back, before he left for good, around my seventh year of age. I guess he finally got smart, too late.


But in between, an aftermath awaited. She periodically lost both her sense of responsibility, and got emotionally even more unstable. She could easily stay away from home for several days, if she met another man in town, which she often did. When she finally got home, I also had to deal with her guilty feelings from BEING away from home, for such long periods of time. It was a mess. Especially coming home from school, became more or less a trial, because she was only seldom the same person when I came home, as the one I left in the morning. This may seem like a minor detail to others, but I felt somehow responsible for her moody nature. I leaned to pay attention to them. I guarantee you all, that being around her emotional peaks for 18 years, makes you pretty aware of other peoples feelings and state of mind. My life got pretty centered about my ability to adapt to her emotions, and comfort her, to prevent an otherwise hysterical outbreak. It's like crossing the depths of chaos, walking on a thin line of psychological adaptation. To always foresee her change of mood, and at the same time, trying to stay in touch with my own 'self', was not all that easy.

"Second strike - PAS"

Because of both my psychological adaptations to her, and the fact that we were now alone, and the fact that I still depended upon her, in time made me sympathy-hate my father, WITH my mother. Not because I really believed it myself, but because it paid off, sort of speak. I believe I was afraid of loosing her, if I didn't sympathize with her. In this very sophisticated way, I sort of programmed myself to hate him, and to say it out loud, because my mom always rewarded me with compliments for being so "clear-sighted", and "clever" etc. when I did that, and simply ignored me, or looked angry down on me, if I expressed any signs of morning over my loss of him. So obviously, I told the stories which"worked". That paid of some attention, or just to get some confirmation of her love. Year, I lied. What else was I supposed to do?

Both the tone in her voice, and her gestures when bitching about him, spoke in each case, their own, clear language. And because of this reward/punish-technique, and my ability to tune in on her feelings, I quickly became her new "man in the house" and her Shrink, or her 'shoulder-to-cry-out-by' if you will. At times, I've felt more like her boyfriend, mentally, than her son. She was always so proud of her ability to talk with her son about everything. She said: "We don't hold anything back. Right. It SHOULD have said: "I don't hold anything back".  But what is worse? To be ignored by your own mother, or to get attention, as her therapist? I must have felt the first worse, 'cause I chose second.

This new mother-&-son relationship became especially annoying, when she seeked comfort by her allies, her woman-friends, who obviously sympathize-ranted about their own lost husbands, who also smartened up, to late. On top of that, put the sympathy from different social workers, who projected some degree of authority, working there in a big office, and carrying a "professional" name tag, and being able to extract whatever explanation from my mind, that my mom had pre-installed, and encouraged as correct explanations beforehand, because I simply just told the usual "working stories"...

But one thing they were never able to hear, because I wasn't able to speak of it, was my moms manipulative nature. In other words; the whole truth. For example, every child is able to tell whether daddy hit mom, or not, but never able to tell very much about WHY. When I ask the question "Why", I'm looking for a description, of the context of feelings in which everything happened, which no average child is able to grasp within their vocabulary. Nor am I - as a grown man. Therefore every preinstalled explanation I told, could indeed deliver the wrong result, in relation to my own wishes, without even knowing it myself. What I WANTED, was my dad back, because he could stabilize the entire familiy, but I told otherwise in order to satisfy my mothers needs. You see?

"Third strike - turning reality on its head"

Then imagine this; imagine how twisted reality becomes, when you can clearly see, who is the troublemaker in the house, but on the other hand, also too dependant on the troublemaker, to speak of the truth.
In comparison, it must be very frustrating to be dumb, witnessing a pyromaniac setting a house on fire, which flees afterwards, and later watch the same person return as a fireman-hero, without being able to yell the truth out loud. It triggers a phenomenon known as "cognitive dissonance", which will happen, when you are presented with to opposite impressions, which can not co-exist in your awareness. Like both laughing and crying, about something both tragic and hilarious, at the same time.

But however odd it may seem, I never truly realized how manipulating she had been, until the beginning of my twenties. Until then, I firmly believed my mom was a misunderstood angel, who deserved the "medal of honor". I had simply been subjected to so many endless stories about my dad's failures, that I couldn't see pass it all, until some time after I moved away from home. Because the end result was always something about him, being removed by the mother-fuc*** police, how could then feel so wrong, when it was supposed to BE right?

Because false realities are created by the supreme set of injustice, and lies, and tyranny of silence -  against better knowing - that continues on and on, not ever spoken of in plain words, and therefore get hidden from public reality, to the point, where this false construction of reality, can even fool your senses, and make yourself regard them, as the result of insanity, or simply archived as "political incorrect feelings".

My mom operated like the free press, on a smaller scale, but with the same internal mechanics - with lies, and 'staged feelings'! When I finally woke up from the rush of 'LIE' around my twentieth year of age, I felt like I've just been told that the world is round, being the only one, who always thought it was flat.

A lot of woman plays with a matrix of feelings, in effect manipulation, which can be very hard to capture in words. But as long, as they stand un-positioned, and unspoken of, they will keep work for them. So this, in my opinion, must be done.

dr e

Excellent post Masterpiece.  Welcome.  

Can you tell us a bit about Denmark and feminism?  Are you overrun with political correctness like we are here in the US.  Are your Universities controlled by the feminists?  Is there any opposition?  Men standing up against the craziness.

Glad you found us.
Contact dr e  Lifeboats for the ladies and children, icy waters for the men.  Women have rights and men have responsibilties.


Quote from: "Dr Evil"
Excellent post Masterpiece.  Welcome.  

Can you tell us a bit about Denmark and feminism?  Are you overrun with political correctness like we are here in the US.  Are your Universities controlled by the feminists?  Is there any opposition?  Men standing up against the craziness.

Glad you found us.

Thanks a lot for your warm welcome Dr. Evil.

Yes, it's pretty much the same as your'e dealing with in the U.S. What is strikingly simillar between our countries, is the way that feminism is actually used as an 'icebreaker', in order to impose an expansion of both the police- and socialiststate - and especially state-control! In effect; a kind of fascism, as I see it.

Our Universities are simillar  OVERRUN by woman, and this has actually lowered our general level of knowledge!? No kidding. Our men flees the universitys, flees the jiggle and womans forever-irritating-tendencies to learn new stuff,  by "tasting" themselves, and their own words, as they repeat new knowledge for themselves in classes, instead of asking for more input to reflect upon. They practicly talk our educational system to death.

But we have strong opposition. Mens movement in Denmark is gaining ground. Fast! Because we simply refuse to take it. And we've collected a lot of knowhow from our Danish think-tank, under heavy attack, but standing strong, so I thought I'd expand our knowledge to the U.S.




Hey masterpiece i enjoyed your post, i recognized a lot of what you intelligently had to say. I reside in the feminazi state of uk and its similar here, but thankfully some of us are not in a politically correct induced hypnosis.

With the one form of media left which even feminists cant control (the net) maybe we can reach young men who are as yet not socially aware of what is happening in universities, schools, society in general etc. Anyway welcome to the forum i look forward to your input.
romoting mens rights(or rather complete lack of them)in a world where hatred of men infests every corner of media,where depictions of hate and violence by women is called girl power, and where many ads use violence by women on men to sell products.These messages of this acceptable behaviour goes a long way to explain womens domestic violence and murder of men and children (predominantly male children).


Quote from: "nasterator-1"
Hey masterpiece i enjoyed your post, i recognized a lot of what you intelligently had to say. I reside in the feminazi state of uk and its similar here, but thankfully some of us are not in a politically correct induced hypnosis.

With the one form of media left which even feminists cant control (the net) maybe we can reach young men who are as yet not socially aware of what is happening in universities, schools, society in general etc. Anyway welcome to the forum i look forward to your input.

Hi Nasteraotor-1. And thanks.

Men's Movement' will surely prevail with their use of sub-communication, like internet activism is, and their positioning of woman, by putting their internal mechanics an (lack of) rationale into words.

Woman, in my opinion, speak on their own jiggeling frequency, between lines, and we have to find ours. As I've stated earlier; Substance is as hard to communicate, as the taste of a potato, but it IS possible to communicate some "taste" of woman, by describing the context of their "doing" on a male 'frequency'.

We've done so with great success in Denmark. Males seem to communicate on a 'sub-frequency-like-thing', just like woman communicate on an 'upper jiggelin frequency', between lthe ines of words.  They are tuned differently, hence perceives different messages, between the lines. And males in general communicate between lines, somtimes silently, 'en mass'. So I'm a believer.




Having your relationship with your father ruined because of your mother is very sad. Half your heritage is ripped away when you are not allowed to connect with your father, and children all over suffer because of this. It is bad enough when an overdependent mother in a whole marriage will not let the children go, but worse when the marriage is broken, because her children have no one else to turn to to get away from her. This is especially hard on sons because they are left with no one to pattern themselves after.

Perhaps the CPA should have a branch to deal with bitter, clingy, depressed mothers.


This is especially hard on sons because they are left with no one to pattern themselves after.

...and it's quite apparent that few in "authority" truly are bothered by that truism, or cares that it's in "the best interest of the children."
A man conscious of his strength, observes Nietzsche, need have no fear of women. It is only the man who finds himself utterly helpless in the face of feminine cajolery that must cry, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" and flee. The normal, healthy man...still keeps a level head. He is strong enough to weather the sexual storm. But the man who cannot do this, who experiences no normal reaction in the direction of guardedness and caution and reason, must either abandon himself utterly as a helpless slave to woman's instinct of race-preservation, and so become a bestial voluptuary, or avoid temptation altogether and so become a celibate." -- H.L. Mencken on Nietzsche's philosophy of women


I came  from  a  strong,  two-parent  home.  My  mom and dad  are still  together.   My  mom  is  a   traditional  woman  from  Haiti  and  she  hates  the  Feminazi   almost  as  much  as   I  do.   My  dad  is  a  cool  guy.  My  little  sister  is  a  feminist   and  I  don't  talk  to  her  unless  I  really got to.
I'm  allergic  to  man-hating   misandrist  freaks.
y book, Men's Rights Activists.


My eldest sister is about as far on the leftist front as you can get, feminist, socialist...etc   I'm truly amazed at how much better my parents get along now that she doesn't come around.   She had tried for years to poison my mother against my father, and had tried the same with me.  My father may be a flawed man, but he's the most reliable human being I have ever known. He never deserved any of that. Thankfully it had never got to the point of lots of yelling, but there were long periods of silent stewing which was my mothers favorite tactic.   She would never say whatever it was the heck she wanted, you were just supposed to be psychic and guess.  

It truly is an amazing transformation now that my sister is out of the picture.  They go out places, talk, do things together, and seem a lot happier.  It's very clear cut to me how input changes output.   After seeing it clearly in my own family, I think about the wider input out there and how negative most of it is. I wonder how much better people would get along without all of that?
reedom Is Merely Privilege Extended Unless Enjoyed By One & All.

The Biscuit Queen

I can tell you first hand that feminism is not compatable with marraige. I do not think Dave and I would be together right now if it weren't for men's activism. The attitude of hate, entitlement, and lack of respect made me a nightmare to live with. Feminism is insidious, and misguiding, and would have caused me to walk out on the greatest thing to come into my life.

The best thing I can suggest to a man who is married now is to start bringing the activism home. Be patient and know when to back off to give her time to absorb things, but put the info out there. I had a very difficult time, because by default my group is the bad group, so to speak. I got angry, defensive, and actually was pushed further left for a while. Much as men must have had difficulty swallowing feminism at first. But give it time and it definately is worth it.

To those that aren't married, I would bring it up now, before you make a commitment. If she is unable to deal with it, cut your losses now.
he Biscuit Queen

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

richard ford

One of the worst things feminism has done is destroy the joy of giving.

The most natural and wonderful thing in the world is giving to someone you love but as soon as a feminist woman starts feeling this joy she worries that she may be providing 51% of the relationship rather than 49%. Bang goes the pleasure. In comes anger and guilt.


This  is  some  frighteningly  accurate   facts,  my  friends.   I  feel  for  you,  man.   I   really  do.   I   hope  that    one  day,   our  efforts  will  be rewarded.   More  men  need  to  rally  to  our  cause.   We  can   take  on  the  misandrists.   We  can win.
y book, Men's Rights Activists.


I also lived in much the same situation as Masterpiece at my home growing up.

My mother would cause the fights, the chaos, constantly change the markers as to boundries, have double standards, and was a control freak.

She honestly thought she was the calm in the storm, the "fixer" .. but the reality was that she was the CAUSE of the storm in the first place.

Not always (gotta be fair!), but often.

And like Masterpiece's mom she was a Mistress at playing the victim.  She had all the right words down when she took us to therapy (after she had laid the foundation of the "facts" beforehand).  She didn't do mean things because she was mean, but because she was "hurt" or "scared" or some other non-aggressive wording.

It was also a bad thing that as I grew up my step-father was such an enabler of her actions.

See, he came from a family who's anchor was his strong mother.  My (step)Grandmother was a strong, but gentle woman.  She ran the family, but was loving, big hearted, and soft spoken.

So, my step father found a new strong woman to run his life (and belive me she RAN his life).  After they divorced he had such a hard time with my mother that he went to Canada to get as far away as he could.

Guess what he did next?  He found ANOTHER strong woman to run his life.  Now, I wouldn't give a flying f*ck, except my (1/2)sister went with him.  Upon getting married my father's new wife told my sister, to her face and quite explicitly, that my sister wasn't HER child and that HER children came first.

Eventually my (step) father had to pay my sister to have a place of her own as his new wife couldn't (read: wouldn't) get along with my sister.  

How old was my sister when she was put out on her own: barely 16.

My grandmother epitiomized the pre-feminist matriarchal figure.  She ruled the house with love, will, and in many positive ways.

IMO, the feminist-matriarchal figure just wants to rule and will use any means necessary to do it.

Including (as I saw on MANY occasions) the violence by proxy of the state agencies.

'Watch our backs at home, we'll guard the wall over here. You can sleep safe tonight, we'll guard the door."

Isaiah 6:8
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

richard ford


You may like to do a serch on 'Borderline Personality Disorder' to gain another take on your situation.

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