A few belts of ammo for your discussion:
1) Cultural Guilt: Cultural Guilt is when someone tries the "thousands of years" argument. Put simply they use actions you didn't commit, to demand that you "deserve what happened" or "owe me". I often point out the fact, in the case of gender, that all WOMEN had a father and therefore owe no more and NO LESS than I do on that count. As to color, I would point out to the person being responded to that clearly someone has fanned the flames of "you're wrong based on your color/ethnicity" (and this also applies to religion. Point out to them that EVERY ethnic group, and both genders, and ALL religions have committed atrocities. And then ask them, if they truly believe this dogma, if Cultural Guilt has validity then they can be the first person to pull out their wallet or spend time in jail for actions they didn't commit, weren't alive to see, and abhor today.
2) VAWA and shelters: The idea, often tossed out with disdain to men talking about a lack of shelters, is that "go and build your own". To which I answer: "We did". Through tax dollars that BOTH men and women pay, the "hard hearted Patriarchy" legislated VAWA and that men are footing 1/2 the bill for shelters they are denied access to.
3) Duluth Model: this is the back bone of the VAWA scheme. Since it starts with the PREMISE that DV is males are the perpetrators and women are the victims. PERIOD. The Duluth Model uses words like "male privilege", "Patriarchy", and is designed to target ONLY male abusers. Obviously this ignores, and often excuses, female abusers and mutual abuse (as is often the case). Also, the current problem is that DV rates have NOT declined significantly after a decade of VAWA enforcement.
What is also interesting to note is that it is the same feminists who back VAWA who argue against sending the men to jail unless the attack was particularly aggregious. The answer, IMO, can be found in that many women in the abuse INDUSTRY are women's studies majors, and that their continued revenue depends on keeping as many men in the "batterers treatment program" (which the man pays for) for as long as possible.
Lastly (as this is already a long post) there is too much incentive, and no deterrent due to legal punishment for the filing of false DV charges. Considering the weight of the state, and the violence by proxy that is brought to bear, and the expense and legal peril leveled at the accused, the current status quo certainly DOES cause a power imbalance in a relationship, but certainly not one that has any advantage for a man.
I hope the words are of some use to you.
Steven