In praise of wanking

[richard ford]

In praise of wanking by Richard Ford

In every culture that I know of the term 'wanker' is an insult. Usually this is directed from one man to another and the implication is that the receiver is not a 'real' man because he is not having sex with a woman.  This is false even if you accept the basic premise (that sex is only valid if it revolves around the needs of a woman) because even men in relationships masturbate.

What, then is this insult really all about?

All primate societies contain alpha male individuals who have influence and prestige within the group. All males seem to aspire to this status and it can only be attained through triumphing over other males in some way. The main advantage in achieving this status is that he will gain access to all the females. Female primates generally seek to influence things indirectly through an alliance with an alpha male - they do not aspire to alpha male status directly. This seems to indicate that a man who calls you a 'wanker' is telling you that you are not an alpha male and that he is. In other words he is telling you that you cannot obtain a mate and this is why you need to masturbate.

Monkey behaviour rarely works in a 21st century industrial society and his one is a disaster for men. It sends the message that a man is nothing without a woman - that his status is entirely dependent upon her remaining with him.

I am not ashamed to say that the best sex I have ever had was when there was nobody else in the room. I am a wanker and proud!

If the status of wanking were raised in our society I am convinced there would be fewer unplanned pregnancies. Young men would find it easier to find their true role in life if they were relieved of the tedious and degrading business of pursuing women throughout their teens and twenties. Many of these relationships produce nothing of value and are more about proving attractiveness than anything else. Naturally there will be some men who find their life partner early on in life. This is fortunate for them and they are more likely to do this if they are freed of any compulsion to pair off with whoever is available. If men felt happier about not having a partner they will be able assess the character of the women they know much better. Chasing women is an expensive and humiliating activity. It nearly always leads to failure and men do not always realise how deep these wounds go. The more worthless a man feels in his heart the more desperately he will seek validation by pleasing women - and the more worthless he will feel in the end. Seeking validation from women therefore becomes an addictive cycle by which the man comes to feel he is worth nothing and women are empowered to abuse. Each failure adds to his store of pain and motivates him to continue the behaviour that caused it. Whenever a man buys the company of women through expensive gifts or acting as a free therapist he is sending the message that he has no innate value. One reason that women have no respect for men in our culture is simply that men show no respect for themselves.

The way to end any addiction is to end it. Talking about an addiction will not end it and neither will understanding its roots. One has to go cold turkey and suffer the discomfort that it brings. All the understanding in the world will not lessen this by much. Just as an alcoholic deals with his addiction by no longer drinking then a man who is humiliated by women must simply stop allowing this. This will have a paradoxical effect. Women will become interested in you once again and will try to suck you into the old behaviours. They will flirt with you a little and even talk to you as an equal for a while. This opens up such a pit of need (especially the respect) that you are in great danger of succumbing. Please do not do so! If you make this mistake then you will be punished for your initial resistance and will be back on the treadmill. You will become suddenly very aware of your pain. Women will treat you with respect but this will only make you aware of how badly you were treated before, you will feel angry at yourself for allowing abuse but you will also feel the full strength of your unmet needs. This is the first stage of healing so just hang in there.

Another reason to advocate wanking is that it is safe sex - the safest there is in fact. Compulsive sexuality (that which is based upon unknown and unmet needs) multiplies risk as it tends to result in contact with other compulsives. These are the very highest risk people you could possibly associate with on every level. There is also a risk of false rape accusations as women will often feel ashamed at their behaviour and believe that you 'made' her do it.

Wanking is also much less time consuming. A man can achieve release quickly and move on to other things. Relationships (particularly bad ones) tend to suck energy so that the man archives nothing.

I have taken this one step further. I go out on a 'date' with myself. I see a show, visit a restaurant or whatever else I want to do. My right hand never stands me up, is never late and likes the same things that I do. Furthermore my date costs half as much as any date with a woman because my hand and myself go Dutch.

[no2fembots]

... pass the lube!

[drd69]

As I am known as the King of the Yogurt Slingers who spends many a night adjusting his own antenna I feel I can speak to this subject with some degree of validity. My "signifigant others" legs closed about the same time as the imortal words "I do" sprang from my lips (actually it was when the minister said "I now pronounce you husband and wife" but why quibble). Wanking the one eyed wonder weasel is now a time honored tradition in this day and age of the emasculated husband.  Denying sex is a form of power that the fem holds and lauds over her mate. Having spent the 12 years of my marriage doing the tube sock tango I have cum (sorry couldn't resist) to the conclusion that slapping the happy sacks is much more perferable to listening to the whining of a fem harpy. What she didn't realise when those thunder thighs closed was she had lost her power over me. Consequently I do what I want when I want. About a year ago after bemoaning the fact that I had spent the weekend on the golf course drinking with my single buds. She shrilled "You are such a wanker". Which I replied. "Yes bunny lips, I am. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[richard ford]

They know exactly what they are doing too. I received a PM from a girl reading this site almost immediately after posting.

It was obvious that she was terrified by the whole idea and felt she had to make me feel small again.

No.No.No

From now on I rely upon myself.

..... Until Thailand at least.

[LST]

Topics like this is why I barely ever visit these forums now. :no:

[mens_issues]

In the 70s there was a book published called "The Joy of Sex."  Now we have "In Praise of Wanking."

How far things have fallen for us all  :crybaby:

(Not that I don't agree with the underlying reasoning)

[Sue]

"My "signifigant others" legs closed about the same time as the imortal words "I do" "

for a husband who simply is no good in bed?  

I do[n't] mean to make fun    but the harsh reality is:  it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it.   So kindly grow the heck up already!

[kal147]

Sue wrote:

I do[n't] mean to make fun  but the harsh reality is: it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. So kindly grow the heck up already!

Sue, what do know about his marriage? Were you there? Do you know either of those people?

When I read comments such as yours I fully understand that you write nothing meaningful about his marriage, but you do demonstrate an awful lot about your need to judge.

[scarbo]

Scientists have discovered that there actually is a food that women eat which diminishes their sex drive drastically.
















Wedding cake.

[PaulGuelph]

I agree, but I am a bit uncomfortable discussing it.

Women are against "pornography", because they are afraid that they must compete with it. They don't want a man to get satisfaction without becoming subservient to any woman.

There is a danger that self-pleasing men can become so connected with it that they find it hard to adapt to normal sex, which takes more work and is often less pleasant.

One of the benefits of self-pleasure is that no one passes judgement on how good or bad you are. Telling a spouse that they are no good in bed is a deliberate destruction of a marraige, so they have only themselves to blame.

The Vagina Monologues teach women the benefits of self stimulation. Someone should teach men. The truth will set you free!!    :wink:

[FP]

"My "signifigant others" legs closed about the same time as the imortal words "I do" "

for a husband who simply is no good in bed?  

I do[n't] mean to make fun    but the harsh reality is:  it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it.   So kindly grow the heck up already!

I beg to differ. In my opinion, it takes two to make a marriage work yes, but it can only take one to ruin a marriage or "break it" as it were. Sometimes there is blame to go around, other times its pretty much all gonna fall on one party.

[drd69]

It is easy enough for this Sue person to make comments about my marriage when it (I use the word "it" since I don't know which gender it is) knows nothing about my marriage. I am an abused man who has been physically hit by my "wife" (ooh, I suppose that is my fault as well) I have been emotionally abused as well. She has slapped my 9 year old son across the face with full force and justified it by saying " he was bugging me". Sue, why don't you grow the f--k up. I don't know whether you are a man or a woymn (and I don't use the correct spelling of women because if you are one you don't deserve the honor of having the letters "men" in your title) but it is time for you to give your head a shake and grow up. I could give a detailed description of my marriage but I suspect you would still find some how to throw the blame on the man. Unless you have something constructive to say go over to the Trish Wilson blog I am sure you would be welcome there.

[drd69]

And by the way Sue. There was no complaints about my sexual abilities BEFORE we got married.

[Roy]

There's a subtle "shaming" undercurrent here that needs to be dismissed.

Guys... the feminists have been advocating and celebrating female auto-erotic self-satisfaction for decades!

Lesbian sex is all the fashion these daze, right?

There's even a 300-page feminist manual all about self-pleasuring, titled The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World At Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker.

Not to be too political, but how come a "wanker" is a male and an "erotic self-explorer" is a female?

Feminists lose anytime a man's desires are satisfied without a woman being present. (Fishing is bad, hunting is bad, working on your car is bad, poker with the boyz is bad, golf is very bad, reading by yourself is bad, watching sports is selfish.... etc, etc.)

This largely explains why women are becoming more and more desperate to deny men any pleasure that does not involve them.

Women's "skanki-ness" is a very logical, adaptive strategy.

Though it will fail.

No obvious bar-troll can compete with an elusive large-mouth bass!  :wink:

[Sosiologi r]

Sex may be used as a weapon in the power struggle between the sexes and within a relationship.  Masturbation may be a means to end this power struggle - or it may be used as a weapon in the warfare.

- -

Making yourself more attractive

A person who has the ability to fulfill his/her needs with masturbation is more attractive to the members of the opposite sex as he/she does not desperately seek their company, to fullfill his/her sexual needs.

This implies to singles and to married people. The more you want sex, the more desperate, sex-centered, unromantic and "anti-alfa" impression you give of yourself - and the less likely you are to receive sex.

This does not apply only to men but to females too. Females who need sex more than their partner, should definately learn to masturbate if they wish to keep their relationship in balance.

Masturbation as warfare

Masturbation may, however, be made a part of the gender war. It may be a hostile message "I do not need you" to the members of opposite sex. In several marriages the husband and wife both report that they are not getting enough sex. Husbend tell that their wife does not want them and the wife tells that their husband is too lazy to even try to get them aroused.

In this kind of situation the male masturbation is nothing but an unproductive act of war. A gesture stating that "I do not want to have sex with you, if that means that I would have to get in the mood first. I am a man and I have my needs and you may live without sex, if you demand me to be romantic et cetera."

Conclusion:

I feel that masturbation is a very important way of balancing sexual desire in a relationship. It is also very important for singles, so that they will not search for mates too desperately.

However, masturbation should not be made a statement in the gender war. All wars and power struggles are phenomena that destroy marriages. Men's rights activists should not repeat the mistake that feminist have been doing for decades - dragging the war of the sexes into the bedroom in a relationship.