Positive article in Toronto Sun takes on Misandry!!

[Assault]

A few days ago there was a full page story in the Toronto Sun about some new book concerning infedelity. I started to read the article, and stopped when the warning signs listed started with..

If HE smells of perfume,

If HE changes his habits,

If HE...etc, etc

I even commented to my girlfriend about it, saying how this was another articles bashing men. Well I opened the paper yesterday and one of the columnists had written a great rebuttle of that misandric trash! I thought she did a great job. Here is her article below as well as an e-mail I sent her regarding it.

Sexual equality exists in infidelity

by Valerie Gibson

Here we go again -- another book about cheating men! This latest is The Script: 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When they Cheat, by Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer.

Ho. Hum. Add it to the pile. There must be hundreds of books out there on the subject of men cheating.

No doubt such books are full of good intentions on helping women survive a major life trauma, but what's this one-sided harassment all about? Why are books on cheating only about men? What about cheating women?

Infidelity is, after all, an equal opportunity these days and it's a known fact that women now cheat as frequently as men do.

Darren Morgenstern, spokesman for Ashley madison.com, the Internet dating site for people seeking affairs, agrees.

He says "although men make up the majority of our members, when it comes to 'following through,' the men and women are definitely equal."

Why then don't authors write about how to spot when your wife is having it off with someone else? For those who want to know, of course.

Double standard, I say!

Mind you, I have to point out that, whether men agree or disagree with this, it's easier to spot and catch a cheating man than it is a cheating woman.

Believe me, I know.

Women are known to be far more devious, more careful and thorough and much smarter about hiding their cheating activities.

They're also far better at faking a "happy" relationship with their partner than men. This may be because women can often be better at rationalizing their guilt than men are and know that a sudden change of behaviour runs up a red flag. When men feel guilty, they tend to buy gifts and get more affectionate towards their partners which they may feel balances their actions outside the home. But these changes make a woman's instinct antenna quiver immediately.

Women who are having an affair also rarely make blatant mistakes.

For instance, they don't leave incriminating credit card slips in their pockets or briefcases, or forget that cellphone numbers are recorded on the phone bills. On the other hand, they may not realize e-mail and text messages can be easily accessed.
 
Cheating women also don't come home smelling of after -shave or suddenly cut back on sexual activity at home. If they're having an affair, there probably hasn't been much going on at home anyway, which may be why they're cheating.

And women can be incredibly inventive so they also often come up with good lies and excuses as to why they have to be away from home or are coming home late from work more frequently.

They're also aware how changing their image suddenly can give them away. It's true, though, that women will feel compelled to buy new sexy underwear and work out at the gym more often if they've started an affair. But where a wife might find that suspicious in her husband, he, on the other hand, often sees it as self-improvement or trying to please him.

So, since it's so yesterday to see infidelity as male specific, I'd like to see less endless male bashing written about on the subject.

Maybe there should be one entitled How to Tell When A Woman is Cheating?

Good grief! WHAT AM I SAYING!

[email protected]

[Assault]

Here's the e-mail I sent her and her reply;

I would just like to give you my heartfelt thanks for your article "sexual equality exists in infedelity".

It seems fashionable in todays society and media to bash men and paint them as demonic stooges, responsible for all the world's ailments.

I find it disheartening and quite frightening that I live in such a society where I am openly discriminated against because of my sex. It also makes me wonder what my son will have to endure as he grows up.

Do you have a copy of this article posted online? I would like to share it with my other Men's Rights activist friends. To show them there are still some sensible journalists around.

Again, kudos to you for being fair and honest with that article.

Assault
Kingston, On

------------------------

Hi Rob:

Thanks for writing and for the kind comments. You can access my columns and archives at www.torontosun.com or www.canoe.ca/Lifewise (the latter has the archives). You might like the upcoming column next Tuesday which is in praise of men...
Valerie Gibson

[Galt]

Good article.

What's funny is that there was a thread here a long time ago about men who either ran into unambiguous offers from married women or who boofed them.

It actually boggles my mind.  Married women can be the easiest ones of all - if you're after that.  My suspicion is that you just give some of them a little bit of attention - and off it goes.  They don't even play games, is my impression from hearing stories from other people.  LOL

When you picture that some of their husbands have given up a stake on their entire life earnings and assets to housewives for this fake loyalty, in reality (what else IS there?  She doesn't earn anything) ... you start wondering how stupid people can be.

[The Biscuit Queen]

Only housewives cheat, too?

:roll:

[LSBeene]

Here is what honesty is:  I gave great thought to this before I did it.

I wrote to her, and I post what I wrote (this is what my concentration was upon) a post here, reflecting upon my own life.

Judge, or do not, I hope it helps:

Valerie, (if I may use your first name?)

   I wanted to thank you so much for speaking some unpopular ideas (I am male, btw).  As background, in my early 20's I had a GF.  Both she and I were cheating constantly.  We were both young.  After a few years we settled down.  Both of us realized what we were doing, what was at stake, and that we were not in High School, anymore.  She was much more adept at her hiding the cheating.  Especially at the end.

(ok, a little history, rough and quick)

   I was dating a woman, who had kept the serious nature of our relationship a secret from her parents (For 2 1/2 years - - - ok, I was WAY naive).  Even when I lived with her I had to answer the phone pretending to be her male roomate (she was a "poor" graduate student).  Obviously, that hurt enourmously, as I was good enough to be her "man". I could share her life, her bed, and support her emotionaly, but was never to be the one she brought home to mom and dad.

   (no, I ask not for sympathy - just explaining)

       Her own parents, being of Japanese (dad), and Korean (mom), ancestory, had encountered similar discrimination (from their families).  For reasons I will, humbly and w/out politics, explain, I was removed from my college (the PC 90's were rough on men), and, consequently, made to feel "not good enough"; obviously, that hurt most deeply.  Especially since she was attending an Ivy League college, and I was not IN college.

   It culminated in an act of betrayal that was far reaching (to me - in how I treated people - I never wanted to treat anyone how I was treated).  After 2 1/2 years she told me (and my family) that she would finally stand up to her parents.  Those two people, those parents who had judged their daughter's choice in mate as "not good enough", those two parents who came to this country  (U.S.A) with the hope that they could find acceptance: it was those self-same parents whose first act was to not accept those that were "below them" ... these were those that would not accept me.  What was galling was that my mother was making more than BOTH her elitist parents, and my step-father was one of 5-7 people in the country who could do the job he did (very technical - making mother boards for military apps - early 90's) and also making their combined salary.   She finally was going to stand up, for us. She was going to acknowledge what the relationship that we had meant to her.  

   At that point we were pretty serious.  This would be our "Pre-Engagement announcement".  She told me this at Thanksgiving.  By Christmas/New-years when she arrived. She had a new boyfriend that she was not only sleeping with, but spending the week-ends at his home - in his bed (and with no condoms).  So, instead of her arriving to validate our relationship (and that my mother had introduced her to my mother's "society friends", political connections, and told [this person] was going to stand up for the man (and his family) that she loved) - - - she instead found self-justifying reasons for us to disagree (artificially started fights), gave her new boyfriend my FAMILY's H-O-M-E phone # (my mother and 8 y.o. sister got the calls - were too embarrassed to tell me), broke up with me, and walked daintily into her new relationship while leaving me with ashes in my mouth.

   It was not until I was on the way home on a train from Philadelphia that I realized what was happening.  I just wasn't suspicious, I wasn't capable of understanding, that level of betrayal, how she could not only break up with me, but betray a family that had loved her more than they had loved their own son.  This is not dramatic, my family had showered her with trust and affection - I was their son, but the privileges, trust, and kindness given her, were not given me - to be honest I was immature compared to her for my age.

   I want to be VERY clear at this point:  I reacted to hearing [some guy's] voice on her answering machine with great anger.

 I was old enough to vote, to drink, and to determine my own actions.  My actions are my own.   No, there were no beatings, nor sexual violence, nor were there were, if would I offer some poor excuse.  What I got, what my family got, was a hastily made "well, gotta go now" that stung my family, (who'd stuck up for her - for years they had made up reasons for her actions - that's what FAMILIES do). Instead of: "these are my beloved", we got phone calls from some guy who was sticking it to her while she did the same to us. My family was expecting a ring, but was told there would be no ring, Instead my family was purposefully humiliated (she knew what the situation was, it was clearly defined).  She stepped on their faces in public, I mean, they were of no conseqense (since she had never told her parents what was going on).  

   People break up, by-definition: we don't break up with people we're happy wiith.   If she had walked out alone, as I (and my family did) then I would speak differently.  She, instead, made sure she slept and woke in a bed that had a beloved/lover.  

   I am being, as men, and women should be, honest.  No, there was no punching, dominating, biting, or other abuse.  We argued and grabbed each other and spoke in anger.  Why do I say this?  Because, at some point, both men and women MUST start to relate what is happening in relationships.  

   After my admission: she was guilty of no less.  She was captain of her swim team and no "daisy".  I wonder how often, a story that men and women tell you, that you hear, onesidedly, is one of honest mutual anger?  Where a guy is honest, where a woman describes the violence, the buttons pushed, or of the intentional humiliation (laughingly, in this case - "what, you didn't know?") inflicted?  Someone could use it against me later, but WE (men and women) need to start to demand mutual culpability.

   Instead of a pre-engagement announcement (that my family had PREPARED for - informal announcements, phone calls from our household, the way she was greeted and how her stay was given status), I was given a "it's not working out" speech, and left to find she was already having unprotected sex with a man who she was spending whole week-ends with.  When in Philadelphia during the episode, she had me fix a bed we had broken during intimacy, she used my friends (in an intimate way) on New Years (she was bi and I figured she needed to get-it-out-of-her-system), and stepped on the face of a family that had (in ways that would take pages to describe) stood up for her (even to my protestations), offered her advice on politics and business, and always loved her as one of their own. (I sometimes got jealous as to how they treated her versus me - the son)

   Your article speaks to me.  I am not saying one gender/sex is more faithful or better, but neither did your article.  It spoke of PEOPLE cheating, and how PEOPLE do it differently.

   Thank you for writing an un-biased and honest article.  PEOPLE cheating causes pain and unfaithfulness is not excusable.

   With sincere regards,

       L. Steven Beeene II

[Assault]

Only housewives cheat, too?

:roll:

Huh? I don't see where she says ONLY housewives cheat. She was simply rebutting a previously sexist article and the usual man bashing.

[TerryGale]

Links for your articles...

Previous article on Male Infidelity..
High infidelity: Readers react to column on patterns of male cheating
By JOANNE RICHARD, Toronto Sun
http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/2005/07/04/1116907.html

Valerie Gibson's rebuttal..
Sexual equality exists in infidelity
http://lifewise.canoe.ca/SexRomance/ValerieGibson/2005/07/05/1117945.html