What could have been a funny story

Started by The Biscuit Queen, Jul 19, 2005, 11:56 AM

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The Biscuit Queen

Cold snaps are dangerous! > > Garden Grass Snakes
> > >(also known as  Garter Snakes... Thamnophis sirtalis)
> > >can be dangerous... Yes, grass  snakes, not
> > >rattlesnakes. Here's why...
> > >
> > >A couple in Sweetwater, Texas,  had a lot of potted
> > >plants. During a  recent cold spell, the wife was
> > >bringing a  lot of them indoors to protect them from a
> > >possible freeze.
> > >
> > >It  turned out that a little green garden grass snake
> > >was hidden in one of the  plants and when it had
> > >warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go
> > >under  the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.
> > >
> > >The husband (who was taking a  shower) ran out into
> > >the living room naked to see what the problem was.
> > >
> > >She told  him there was a snake under the sofa. He got
> > >down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for
> > >it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed
> > >him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten
> > >him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
> > >
> > >His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered
> > >him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance
> > >. The  attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his
> > >protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started
> > >carrying him out.
> > >
> > >About that time the snake came out from  under the
> > >sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and
> > >dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man
> > >broke his leg and why he is still in the  hospital.
> > >
> > >The wife still had the problem of the snake in the
> > >house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered
> > >to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
> > >rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.
> > >Soon  he decided it was gone and told the woman, who
> > >sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing,
> > >her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
> > >felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and
> > >fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
> > >
> > >The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out,
> > >tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife,
> > >who had just returned  from shopping at the grocery
> > >store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth
> > >and slammed her husband  in the back of the head with
> > >a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and  cutting
> > >his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
> > >
> > >The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she
> > >saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife
> > >bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by
> > >the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small
> > >bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's
> > >throat.
> > >
> > >By now the police had arrived.
> > >
> > >They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and
> > >assumed that  a drunken fight had occurred. They were
> > >about to arrest them all, when the  women tried to
> > >explain how it all happened over a little green snake.
> > >
> > >
> > >The  police called an ambulance, which took away the
> > >neighbor and his sobbing wife.
> > >
> > >The little snake again crawled out from under the
> > >sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at
> > >it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end
> > >table.
> > >
> > >The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and
> > >as the bulb broke it started a fire in the  drapes.
> > >
> > >The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and
> > >fell through the window into the yard on top of the
> > >family dog who, startled, jumped out  and raced into
> > >the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it
> > >and smashed into the parked police car.
> > >
> > >Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the
> > >neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen
> > >had started raising the firetruck ladder when they
> > >were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore
> > >out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and
> > >disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
> > >area (but they did get the house fire out).
> > >
> > >Time passed.
> > >
> > >Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house
> > >was repaired, the dog came home, the  police acquired
> > >a new car, and all was right with their world.
> > >
> > >A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman
> > >announced a cold snap for that night.
> > >
> > >The husband asked his wife if she thought they should
> > >bring in their plants for the night.
> > >
> > >That's when she shot  him.

Unfortunately, there are two examples here of domestic violence (woman on man of course) which are seen as funny parts of the story. This could have easily been written without them and thus be free of any bias, but we are supposed to just accept them as common happenings with no consequence.

I really hate getting these things
he Biscuit Queen

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.


Yeah.  The ending is over the top.


BQ, how about switching the genders around in the story and then putting it out there on the 'net for all to see. I bet the women-folk would be in an uproar... and not the laughing kind, either.

Killing stupid husband =  funny

Killing stupid wife = disgusting violence against women

Why not just "killing spouse = disgusting violence"? I guess because to do so would rob a lot of women of a crutch for their self-esteem?

Shades of Pale

BQ, one request.  Email forwards are evil enough; removing those endless bullets (or whatever the fuck you call these things >>>> ) and formatting it makes it readable.

Hard to force myself to read something in glurge** format.



Funny story...  Rewriting it, reversing the genders, and carefully planting it on several blogs and boards to see who would react to it sounds like a deliciously malicious idea...  Reminded me of some snaky dealings in a house I lived in several years ago...


A converted garage house I lived in several years ago had larger than needed holes for the drains in the bathroom and garter snakes were coming in.  It was in a University neighborhood and the next door neighbors had live bands at their parties which made the ground vibrate and the snakes come out.  

One morning, (3ish) I was preparing for my wee hours grocery-food prep job.  I pulled back the curtains to get into the tub and a garter snake fell out into the tub,.  I can only be grateful I wasn't in the tub.  I'm a large person and would probably have hurt myself trying to jump out of a claw tub to avoid a snake.  As for the garter snakes, I'd pick them up with this long handled grabber thing I had for high shelves, put them into laundry bags and drive them to the country.

If I had been in the story below(water mocassin), I don't know what I would have done.  My regularity might have been permanently affected.   Actually, until the current whereabouts of the snake were known (or at least that it was gone) I don't think I'd go back.
Snake In Toilet Bites Woman

By Deanna Fene, First Coast News

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- Going to the bathroom will never be the same for one local woman, not since she was bitten by a water moccasin who was apparently hiding in her toilet.

Alicia Bailey spent three days in the hospital. She's now at home but she's not resting comfortably. She remembers what happened the night she got up to go to the bathroom. "Walked in (to the bathroom) opened up the lid to the toilet and got bit by the water moccasin on the leg."

She was bitten once on the thigh, and given the size of the bite on her leg, many predict it was a very big snake. Alicia says, "His head was every bit of three fingers wide."

She was rushed to the hospital and given anti-venom, but no one knows what happened to the snake or how it got into the house in the first place.

There are woods behind the family's home off Beach Boulevard and with all the recent rain, the snake could have been looking for higher and dryer ground. The family now thinks he could have gotten into the home through the dog door, but there's still a fear, it hasn't left.

Alicia's husband, Richard is searching the home trying to find the snake. He says, "What we're leery about is closets and drawers." He carries a big stick around the house as he looks for the snake and at times his shotgun. "We're not looking to take it alive. I just want it out of here."

Alicia just wants her life, and her house, back.
"We're currently very uncomfortable in our home and toilet shy I would say, and real anxious for closure."

The Bailey's have an 11-year old son who is now staying with neighbors. They said, doctors told them, given the size of the snake, if it would have bitten him instead of Alicia, he probably would not have survived.

Created: 7/20/2005 6:23:25 PM
Updated: 7/21/2005 5:16:20 PM

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