Women's Greatest Secret

Started by richard ford, Aug 08, 2005, 07:15 PM

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richard ford

Women's Greatest Secret. By Richard Ford.

If we tune in to women's conversation or media we might well imagine that women have a very low opinion of us men. We might hear that someone's boyfriend had been insensitive and had handled some upset or drama in her life badly. We might learn that some  man was unable to do something at work better than the woman telling the story and that therefore he was useless. We might hear that men are weak, useless or contemptible, or we may hear that men are selfish and violent. This continues hour after hour day and night. It seems that women never tire of hearing this stuff and never tire of speaking it.

What is a man to make of it all? Is he to agree with it? Or some of it? Quite possibly he knows men who make the very mistakes they are accused of. He knows men are capable of stupidity and violence because all human beings are capable of evil. Yet the sheer volume of complaints tell him something hysterical and irrational is going on. The women have a complaint that is off the radar somewhere and the constant harping is only a symptom of a deeper malaise. If a woman is criticising a man then she will find herself unable to end her nagging no matter how many of her demands he satisfies. Often she will become more angry the more he tries to please her until she ends the relationship because she is aware she has become a monster- and yet she cannot help herself. Often women will select jerks as boyfriends simply because they can control this destructive streak and bring out the good in her.

Why do women consider simple human faults that they tolerate in themselves as huge failings in men? Why the double standard? Some men eventually become angry at this and have nothing more to do with women- angrily saying that we do not need them. This is a sincere reaction but not a natural one. It is not that we do not need women but that the pain they cause us is greater than any likely reward, but the gap remains. The men who have made the decision to go their own way in life are following a tradition that has been available for thousands of years. Sometimes this has involved becoming a sailor, sometimes a priest, but a significant minority of men have found peace this way in all cultures.

A solution that works for an individual may not work for a society. Celibacy, like homosexuality is a choice that men should be free to make- but not options for the human race as a whole. If we do not intend to become extinct then we will just have to find a way of dealing with women.

Women always say that men do not listen to them (as if they ever listened to us!) so I would like to go back to the denigration of men and see if we can work out what the real pain behind it is. The complaints may be bogus in most cases but the pain is real- something is driving this insane behaviour and it is not resolving.

Here is a short list of them.

1. Women criticise men for not reading their minds.

A man is supposed to be able to tell what a woman wants before she does and supply it before she has even worked out what she wants herself. If she ever has to ask for anything then he does not love her.

This is a complaint that the man is not God. The woman is fantasising that a man might be so superior to her mentally that he knows where her thoughts lead before she does. In this fantasy she is not only completely loved but completely controlled. The woman is seeking the same level of trust that an adoring dog has for his master. The dog does not need to worry about his needs because his master has provided for them in advance.

This explains why woman become more critical and destructive towards men who seek equality with them- they are not seeking equality but love. Equality frightens and frustrates them.


2. Women criticise men for not knowing everything.

A woman will denigrate a man behind his back for not knowing things she freely admits she does not know herself. If her car breaks and he cannot fix it then this is his stupidity and not hers that she blames.

In other words she expects him to be an all knowing guru who will give her direction at all times. She expects her man to be wiser and more intelligent than herself.


3. Women critics men for not standing up to them.

Women will create drama simply to provoke the man they love and see that he will not put up with nonsense. When she finally succeeds in causing him to become angry and lay down the law in some mater she will often become extremely sexually aroused. This is a fantasy of control. The woman is seeking about a man who is able to control her and who she feels able to obey with confidence. It is only when she meets someone who is able to control her that she feels safe. She is able at last to let go of all her fears and become the loving person she wishes to be.

It is because women are so stared of good, loving control in our culture that they seek out the company of abusers. Abusive men are usually weak men who are incapable of truly controlling themselves let alone a woman, but this is often the only sort of control available to them so they settle for this.

So, now I have revealed what I believe to be the greatest secret of our age. Women desire the loving, protective control of a strong man- in fact many are desperate for it. You will be surprised how few women will argue with this when you put it to them in a respectful way.

Roy

R.F. --
Quote
Why do women consider simple human faults that they tolerate in themselves as huge failings in men? Why the double standard?


Ummm, you have started a thread that may crash the server.

The best answer I can provide is just this --- NEVER ask any question that starts with the phrase WHY DO WOMEN.... (fill-in-the-blank) ????

That is the secret to protecting your male sanity.

Do not ever try to apply male logic (well... scientific method, or philosophy, or mathematics, or rhetoric, or any other Evil Patriarchal invention) when you are asking the WHY question.

If you do attempt to figure out this secret mystery of female pathology, you will become insane.

Women understand this.

They delight in being unknowable.

Of course, one tragic side effect is that they cannot know themselves.

How would you feel if you got up every morning and looked in the mirror and you wondered ..... WHO IS THAT?

Only .00005% of women I've personally polled know what the word "existentialism" means.

But they love that mirror......
It's a terrible thing ... living in fear." (Roy - hunted replicant. "Blade Runner.")

richard ford

We are that mirror.

woof

Quote
Women will create drama simply to provoke the man they love and see that he will not put up with nonsense. When she finally succeeds in causing him to become angry and lay down the law in some mater she will often become extremely sexually aroused. This is a fantasy of control. The woman is seeking about a man who is able to control her and who she feels able to obey with confidence. It is only when she meets someone who is able to control her that she feels safe. She is able at last to let go of all her fears and become the loving person she wishes to be.



I wouldn't say it exactly like this, but I think this idea has a lot of merit.
Women seek strong (in however she defines it) men, to provide, protect, procreate with. She isn't looking for someone equal to her, she is looking for someone stronger, to lead and protect her, IMO.
Even a whole village can't replace dad, children need both parents.

Raymond Cuttill

Females of all species make demands of males in order to satisfy some provision for the young, such as the male catching meat for her and them, however in the human race with the addition of language this has become open ended criticism and occurs whether or not there are children.  Part of the deal is to keep the man guessing as to what will please her.  She does not give him a list of demands, that he could then fulfil and expect her to be satisfied. She may want to add to the list later. She also is potentially looking out for a man who can provide even more. In short she's playing some sort of poker game where she can put the stakes up at any time, and at no time will she show you her hand, but will insist on seeing your hand.
aymond Cuttill

United Equal Parenting Conference, London, June 17, 2006 - www.unitedconference.com
Men's Hour Blog
cyberManbooks

sethay

Quote
Why do women consider simple human faults that they tolerate in themselves as huge failings in men? Why the double standard?

Women always say that men do not listen to them....

1. Women criticise men for not reading their minds.
2. Women criticise men for not knowing everything.
3. Women critics men for not standing up to them.



Hm....my wife doesn't do that...

Come to think of it, either does my mother...or my mother in law.

Or my grandma.  The large majority of my female friends in school didn't do that either....


Maybe they aren't women?  Or maybe there is a large amount of stereotyping going on here...

Raymond Cuttill

Just tell us the name of your town and we'll all move there
aymond Cuttill

United Equal Parenting Conference, London, June 17, 2006 - www.unitedconference.com
Men's Hour Blog
cyberManbooks

damnbiker

My last girlfriend used to (jokingly) scold me for not reading her mind.  I Also got it for not knowing everything (that's my own fault really, I did tell her I knew everything and was always right). I've never had a woman get upset at me for not standing up to them.
It's not illegal to be a man...yet.

Hachu

Quote from: "richard ford"
Women's Greatest Secret. By Richard Ford.

If we tune in to women's conversation or media we might well imagine that women have a very low opinion of us men. We might hear that someone's boyfriend had been insensitive and had handled some upset or drama in her life badly. We might learn that some  man was unable to do something at work better than the woman telling the story and that therefore he was useless. We might hear that men are weak, useless or contemptible, or we may hear that men are selfish and violent. This continues hour after hour day and night. It seems that women never tire of hearing this stuff and never tire of speaking it.

What is a man to make of it all? Is he to agree with it? Or some of it? Quite possibly he knows men who make the very mistakes they are accused of. He knows men are capable of stupidity and violence because all human beings are capable of evil. Yet the sheer volume of complaints tell him something hysterical and irrational is going on. The women have a complaint that is off the radar somewhere and the constant harping is only a symptom of a deeper malaise. If a woman is criticising a man then she will find herself unable to end her nagging no matter how many of her demands he satisfies. Often she will become more angry the more he tries to please her until she ends the relationship because she is aware she has become a monster- and yet she cannot help herself. Often women will select jerks as boyfriends simply because they can control this destructive streak and bring out the good in her.

Why do women consider simple human faults that they tolerate in themselves as huge failings in men? Why the double standard? Some men eventually become angry at this and have nothing more to do with women- angrily saying that we do not need them. This is a sincere reaction but not a natural one. It is not that we do not need women but that the pain they cause us is greater than any likely reward, but the gap remains. The men who have made the decision to go their own way in life are following a tradition that has been available for thousands of years. Sometimes this has involved becoming a sailor, sometimes a priest, but a significant minority of men have found peace this way in all cultures.

A solution that works for an individual may not work for a society. Celibacy, like homosexuality is a choice that men should be free to make- but not options for the human race as a whole. If we do not intend to become extinct then we will just have to find a way of dealing with women.

Women always say that men do not listen to them (as if they ever listened to us!) so I would like to go back to the denigration of men and see if we can work out what the real pain behind it is. The complaints may be bogus in most cases but the pain is real- something is driving this insane behaviour and it is not resolving.

Here is a short list of them.

1. Women criticise men for not reading their minds.

A man is supposed to be able to tell what a woman wants before she does and supply it before she has even worked out what she wants herself. If she ever has to ask for anything then he does not love her.

This is a complaint that the man is not God. The woman is fantasising that a man might be so superior to her mentally that he knows where her thoughts lead before she does. In this fantasy she is not only completely loved but completely controlled. The woman is seeking the same level of trust that an adoring dog has for his master. The dog does not need to worry about his needs because his master has provided for them in advance.

This explains why woman become more critical and destructive towards men who seek equality with them- they are not seeking equality but love. Equality frightens and frustrates them.


2. Women criticise men for not knowing everything.

A woman will denigrate a man behind his back for not knowing things she freely admits she does not know herself. If her car breaks and he cannot fix it then this is his stupidity and not hers that she blames.

In other words she expects him to be an all knowing guru who will give her direction at all times. She expects her man to be wiser and more intelligent than herself.


3. Women critics men for not standing up to them.

Women will create drama simply to provoke the man they love and see that he will not put up with nonsense. When she finally succeeds in causing him to become angry and lay down the law in some mater she will often become extremely sexually aroused. This is a fantasy of control. The woman is seeking about a man who is able to control her and who she feels able to obey with confidence. It is only when she meets someone who is able to control her that she feels safe. She is able at last to let go of all her fears and become the loving person she wishes to be.

It is because women are so stared of good, loving control in our culture that they seek out the company of abusers. Abusive men are usually weak men who are incapable of truly controlling themselves let alone a woman, but this is often the only sort of control available to them so they settle for this.

So, now I have revealed what I believe to be the greatest secret of our age. Women desire the loving, protective control of a strong man- in fact many are desperate for it. You will be surprised how few women will argue with this when you put it to them in a respectful way.


as a woman

exposed to women

this is true

Maatkare has/is guilty of the above herself.

Hachu

Quote from: "damnbiker"
My last girlfriend used to (jokingly) scold me for not reading her mind.  I Also got it for not knowing everything (that's my own fault really, I did tell her I knew everything and was always right). I've never had a woman get upset at me for not standing up to them.


Maatkare's husband has been scolded by herself and his step-mother for not standing up to her.

Sometimes she can just go on and on and on and on and everything he's ever done in the past 6 years comes up...

a good, firm, " Will you shut up!" usually does just that.

The Biscuit Queen

I noticed people in my life doing this. They would want something, say for their birthday, then get angry when the appropriate thing was not given. Or they would want attention, and then get upset because they did not recieve it.

This is not innate in women, however, I think this is in large part society. Once I realized how unfair it was that I was expecting these sorts of things, I stopped. If I want attention, I go ask for it. If I want something as a present, I tell Dave I would like that, knowing I may not get it, or I buy it myself.

On the flip side, people  can be this way emotionally. I will have to ask, over and over, before the men in my life will tell me what is bothering them. It is not fair to expect me to jump through hoops trying to guess what I did wrong. I now just say "I know you are upset, let me know when you are ready to talk about it." That is it. I do not feel guilty, I do not spend hours second guessing every move I make trying to think of which one offended. If he wants me to know, he can tell me, and we can talk about it. I will apologize if I did something wrong.

I think these are things people do, it is up to society how far it is taken. Right now there is a social push to spoil women, and thus many women are spoiled. That does not mean it is an innate failing of women, and it does not mean men are exempt from this behavior.

As someone else said, there is a whole lot of stereotyping going on.
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

Roy

BQ --
Quote
This is not innate in women....


Ummmm....

Would it be too awkward to ask you, my admired BQ, to inventory all the attributes of character, and integrity, and soul....

that ARE innate in women?

All this data should not crash the server.....
It's a terrible thing ... living in fear." (Roy - hunted replicant. "Blade Runner.")

Russ2d

Women want strong aggressive men to protect and control them?

Yes indeed, it is primitive instinct for a woman to be attracted to and submit to a man who can protect and provide for her and her children. Women abhor wimpy men whom they can control.

Women do not want equality, nor does it exist outside of the artifical manipulations of our lying culture.

There is nothing mysterious about women. They simply have different needs then we men do. Fortunately each sexes needs are found in the opposite sexes bodies. For women they see in men our muscular strength, endurance, size, toughness, and aggressive behavior (when not culturally castrated) which all adds up to one thing to her- SECURITY.

Raymond Cuttill

I, for one, would like to discuss the manipulativeness of women. I do not consider it "stereotyping". I am not prefacing every sentence I say with "Some women don't do it and some men do it but what about...". The original questions started with "Why do women criticise...".  They did not say "All women criticise". Whilst I don't want to make grossly inaccurate statements about women or men's issues, I do not feel the need to justify to the Nth degree any statement I make as long as it is reasonably accurate. I consider it an accurate statement to say that women criticise men and do not accept criticism. I reiterate that it is like a poker game where women expect to see your hand but don't reveal theirs.
aymond Cuttill

United Equal Parenting Conference, London, June 17, 2006 - www.unitedconference.com
Men's Hour Blog
cyberManbooks

Andyong

Well, if what is right is whatever I am thinking of and you are to know what I am thinking of at all times. Then it logically follows that whatever is 'right' is whatever I say. No... this is not year 1984.

Why? Because only I can know what I'm thinking of and you can never be 100% sure. Think about it, I'm free to deny what it is that you are expected to know and replace with another version; while of course at the same time declaring you as an insensitive idiot. Your take on what I have in mind can never amount to more than an educational guess, while naturally, I'm the one with the last say in whatever is occuring in my thoughts. Therefore, whatever is right is whatever I say. You shall always be in the inferior position.

Ah, are you thinking that by pointing out the these things above you can expose me and overcome my powers and control over you? See, my powers over you is one that cannot be overcome. Because a union exist between us, and the power exist because of the union. I shall presume that the authority to do whatever I want remains with me you are expected to give me the reasons why you object to it. And the only way is to expose me. But by exposing me you fall into the trap of presuming that I'm evil and would abuse my 'rights', and I don't think it's hard to know what the conversation that follows would be like, does that reminds you of pre-nuptial agreements

You say it's not fair? What? You speak of equality? You say that I'm to apply what I say to you back to myself? Well, the answer to that is easy, I'm entitled to what I want because I'm a woman. Men are afraid of being seen as feminine which is the same as being weak (weak is whenever we deem it is) therefore men cannot obtain the rights that women want at the pain being to afraid of being seen as girly which automatically reduce them to 'losers'. Sound ridiculous? Take a look at your history book, males throughout all ages would rush blindly into death just in order not to be seen as loser and at times they even commits suicide when refused the chance to do so. (oh...that reminds me of white flowers, one big war after it)

Face your fate, these general consiences is too persistant and dominant to be ignored, and the few that dare to stand up against it would be too cornered to be a threat. If you disobey, you stand to lose more. As feminism spreads more feminists would be born and of course more whipping boys go along with us, we can only get more powerful, and please note it will always be at your expenses and with your labours. And... in reply to your last question about some silly demands for equality.... All I have to do is roll-up my eyes, and a give you this pained look that tells you that you're idiot/abuser for trying to contradicts me; the caring mother, the loving wife, the innocent girl, vict......etc, and believe or not; thats good enough to win any debate, who will stand up for you, no one...but my little rebellious MRA, think about the people that would stand up for me.

[Andy: didn't have the time to finish, but don't feel like discarding the whole thing. once again, sorry for the bad english, I tried my best]

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