Started by lkanneg, Sep 01, 2005, 07:10 AM
My opinion.....That is a tough call. On one hand, he is NOT their biological parent and that does imply that his level of teachings is limited. But on the otherhand, he is ONE of their male influences, and as their Stepfather, his input should be taken seriously to a point as well.
Now, I personally think that the talking to them when he isn't around isn't a good idea. It will, IMO, undermine his statements and possible confuse the boys. .
He seems to not understand your point of view. That being that you treat everyone, male or female, black or white, with the same respect and courtesy you would want; If I understand you correctly..
so what to do. Maybe kinda reinforce what your husband is saying, but just add a little tidbit about it really shouldn't matter if it is a woman or a man... just an in passing comment so to speak. That way you are not saying that he is wrong, nor are you compromising your beliefs..I would seriously consider leaving the word chivalry out of the conversation completely. I would also make sure that your ideologies (read feminist) that you project here sometimes do not show in your conversation. Just keep it light hearted and on track.
So what's his interest in whether or not your boys open doors and act chivalrous?
All I can really add to the discussion is my personal experience, though. All attempts to teach me chivalry when I was younger resulted in me resenting, not respecting, girls.
They should be taught to open doors and carry things for people, not just women so they can snag a date. Actually, the more I think about it, the more the reason you said your husband gave for teaching them chivalry sounds really selfish.You're mannerly to people because they're people, not because you'll want to get your thing wet later in life. :? I hope he has a better reason than that.
So what's his interest in whether or not your boys open doors and act chivalrous? He has no direct interest in that and the off handed comment "They're obviously not learning it from their father" to me indicates that he's more interested in gaining authority he doesn't need rather than making sure there's not some poor hypothetical woman of the future who's forced to carry her own grocery bag.Agreement is not common between divorced parents. If you and your ex agree on a values based principle that you wish to impart on your boys I'd say it's highly important to foster that agreement, take it as an opportunity to keep things going well and assert to your husband that he should weigh priorities and perhaps "choose his battles."
Just make sure they understand that they do not have to take abuse from a girl simply because they are being trained to treat them better. If a girl hits them, they should know they have every right to defend themselves.