My Dad

Started by lkanneg, Oct 20, 2005, 06:33 AM

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Hi everyone,

I just wanted to put in a few good words for my dad, who I found out last week has a terminal illness.  

My dad is not my biological father.  My dad is my stepdad.  He isn't an educated man, like my biological father is--he barely graduated high school.  He isn't a well-off professional, like my biological father is--he's a prison guard, and we were sometimes desperately poor growing up.  Honestly, my dad is just a regular guy, an ordinary guy, representative of millions of other blue-collar men like him.

However.  My dad took me, a kid not his own, unhesitatingly into his heart.  He raised me like his own and treated me like his own and was better to me than my own mother was sometimes, and certainly far better to me than my biological father was.  He is responsible for a great deal of my emotional and mental health as an adult.  Not because he did anything spectacular--all he ever did was just be himself, and teach me unconsciously that men are good, men are kind, men are unselfish and men truly can love and cherish their daughters as daughters, even when their daughter is another man's biological progeny.  

I just wanted to post about my dad.  The world is going to be a much, much poorer place when he is no longer in it.  To anyone else who has ever lost a dad, my heart goes out to you.  To those of you who still have a dad, whether he's in good health or bad, who was a good dad to you, call him up today and let him know how much you love and appreciate him and how much he's done for your life.  Because you never know if he'll still be there tomorrow to get that phone call.

quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

Sir Jessy of Anti

Nice post Lisa.
"The man who speaks to you of sacrifice, speaks of slaves and masters. And intends to be the master." -- Ayn Rand<br /><br />


When I first read "Myth of male power" by Farrall was around the time of my dads Birthday, and it really made me realise the amount of sacrifices he had made in my life, that I had never agknowledged b4.

I made a special effort that year and put a special message in my dads card about how I respected him for what he had done for his family and me and how when he says he is proud of what I have achived, it could not have been done without him.

I guess upto that point I really only said those types of things to my mum as he was my dad, and that soppy crap was never appropraite. But on this occasion I felt the need to tell him and told my brother to do the same, I have never seen him as emotional as he was on that day, I really think it had an impact on him and I felt good that I had finally told him how much I had and always will admire him.

Our dads are special in our lifes

Nice post lkanneg

he Light That Burns Twice As Bright Burns Half As Long - Blade Runner

"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself."
John Stuart Mill
English economist & philosopher (1806 - 1873)


my best wishes for your father, Lisa...
Nice posts...
ny man living in this feminized world has got to be tough to tolerate it.

>> <<


best wishes
 woman needs a man like a fish needs water


best wishes
 woman needs a man like a fish needs water


Good post Lisa - well......I'm a strong believer in just coming right out and saying nice things sometimes even if it is "soft" or whatever men aren't supposed to behave like. I think the world would be a better place if we could just say simple things like "hey I like you" or "I think you're doing a great job" or "thanks" or whatever.  Life's too short as you say Lisa....


Best wishes Lisa. I lost my father last year and even though we weren't on great terms it hurts immeasurably to lose a parent.


Sorry to hear the news Lisa. I've yet to go through what you're experiencing, but my thoughts are with you and your father.
Dr. Kathleen Dixon, the Director of Women's Studies: "We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech!"



He's your dad. It doesn't matter how he became your dad he is your dad. Biology has nothing to do with who is your parent, it's who is your parent.

Your dad just needs you to be his daughter, who the heck cares about who's sperm or ovaries you came from?

He is your real dad.

Lisa I'm adopted and I won't pretend to have your story but I've been to my birth dad's funeral (I wasn't sure how to act), I've met my birth mom (and I'm still not sure how to act).

 I know my REAL dad choose to be my dad. From the sounds of things your dad choose to be your dad too.. (and your ma).

From everything I've read from you online it seems he's also raised a good kid. I'd expect that he would be proud.

Be proud of him but also understand what you've given him. Be proud of yourself for being a good daughter, and for honoring him.

Sir Percy

Your Love shines, Lisa. Your dad can bask a long time in its warmth. You give heart to all of us with your words of appreciation for him. My best hopes go to him - and to you - that he may love his little girl a lot longer.
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

dr e

Best to you Lisa.  Your dad sounds like a good man.
Contact dr e  Lifeboats for the ladies and children, icy waters for the men.  Women have rights and men have responsibilties.


Lisa and Devia, both of you have brought tears to my eyes with your words, the obvious love you have for these men who chose their daughters!

I don't know what it feels like to have a non-biological parent, but I do know what it feels like to be the "fake" dad.  That is how some people see my adoptive relationship.  Even some of my family members, unfortunately.  

Not me, though!  It is simply beyond my ability to comprehend that I could love my daughter anymore than I do now.  The only thing I feel shortchanged about in my relationship with her is that she came to me as a 9 year old, rather than an infant!  I would've LOVED to raise her from scratch!

Lisa, my dad died 2 years ago.  To make a long story short... of all the things that were said - plenty of we love you - by all four of his kids during his final weeks, the one and only thing that I KNEW hit the bulls eye emotional target was when my brother said, "you were a good father to us."  My dad roused himself out of his cancer-induced semiconscious state and crossed out, "thank-you.  That means a lot to me."  It looks weak in writing, but to have known this man, to have heard his response and to know what it meant to him, well, my brother helped this wonderful and flawed man die well.

Best wishes,

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."  - Winston Churchill
"Get Angry...Get Loud... GET UP off your KNEES!"


Biology has nothing to do with who is your parent, it's who is your parent.

Disagree. My son is so much like me, no other person could possibly understand him the way I do.


Quote from: "SouthernGuy"
Biology has nothing to do with who is your parent, it's who is your parent.

Disagree. My son is so much like me, no other person could possibly understand him the way I do.

Biology is damned important, I agree.  But its not the be-all-end-all.

My brother is my twin, so we share a shitload of genetic material.  But I would never presuppose I know him better that anyone.  He is his own man and continues to surprise even me, even after 47 years.

SG, we're talking about love and commitment here.  These big ticket items transcend the mere meat, IMHO.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."  - Winston Churchill
"Get Angry...Get Loud... GET UP off your KNEES!"

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