No Christmas This Year

Started by zarby, Dec 29, 2005, 12:26 AM

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zarby

Well, when asked how their Christmas was, the kids stated that mom cancelled Christmas due to lack of money.

Maybe, there will be Christmas at the same time as New Year's day.

For one thing, I paid Child support weeks early specifically with intent that there be money before Christmas.  I always pay early. Paid earlier.

For another, I gave money to one child so she could buy Christmas presents for herself or others and she bought good presents for her brothers. The children were not even allowed to open those presents.

For another, she has no car payment (I pay that). She has substantial child support. She has a job. If there is no money, there is a problem other than nonpayment of child support.

I don't really know that this supposed lack of money was blamed on me. The kids didn't say that but nevertheless I suspect that.

I live on far less money than she receives in child support spending almost nothing other than food -- don't even have rent or mortgage and utilities are extremely small -- most money is spent during visitations in other words doing things with the kids (with one exception -- I have consumed a lot of money on a hobby recently -- even that was intended in large part to be something to do with the kids -- an airplane).

I have been late on child support only once and that was about 14 days although I have feared many times being late. I work hard to pay it.

Yet, my children had Christmas cancelled on them this year?

I guess if they had Christmas itself cancelled, it shouldn't have been that big of deal that I cancelled the planned week long trip after Christmas in order to pursue work projects to make money?

I have long since come to terms with my lack of control over things in general, but it is a bit much for my kids' Christmas to be cancelled especially when I have the suspicion this was blamed on me.

By the way, this whole divorce thing was not my doing. Yes, I know she would say it was me. Actually, she had an affair. She would of course blame the affair on me. It was my fault, according to her. Why? Because I work too much. Now, I don't work enough or pay enough and my kids have Christmas cancelled? A little ironic.

Even the poorest families have Christmas. The whole thing sucks.

whome112

zarby:  yes, it does suck and it is neither right nor fair. The children suffer as do you.

I hate hearing these stories! Children are not supposed to be pawns to adult whims.

whome
ay what you mean: Mean what you say.
http://jwwells.blogspot.com

Men's Rights Activist

I wouldn't say your situation is typical, but it is not unusual.  IMO, if the domestic violence industry was doing its job, and it certainly isn't, they'd find that, out of all domestic violence defined by their parameters, it is women who are committing 95% of domestic violence.
Life, Liberty, & Pursuit of Happiness are fundamental rights for all (including males), & not contingent on gender feminist approval or denial. Consider my "Independence" from all tyrannical gender feminist ideology "Declared" - Here & Now!

neonsamurai

Sorry to hear your kids had a lousy Christmas Zarby, but the fact that you seem so upset that they didn't says a lot about what kind of a father you are.

Don't beat yourself up over what has happened, as I think that's probably a major motivation of you ex, and guilt is only something decent people feel.

I hope that everything works out better for you next year.


Neon
Dr. Kathleen Dixon, the Director of Women's Studies: "We forbid any course that says we restrict free speech!"

Quentin0352

Sounds like she may be blowing the money on stuff she shouldn't like drugs or a BF. You may want to look at a PI and see if he can find anything out. Also maybe going back to court with that and demanding financial records to show where the money is going since obviously it isn't going for the kids.

Heck, if nothing else get loud, work on finding or starting an F4J chapter there and sit in front of the court house passing out information on the legal abuse we men face. Judges HATE it when you actually tell people the truth and get pissed but they will threaten and try to nail you for handing  out public information including transcripts, rulings and documentation so be ready for it and the fight.

Also if you ever need a hand or want to talk, let me know. Be happy to play an ear and compare notes and ideas with you. I'm rapidly learning how to work the legal system since I can't afford lawyers anymore and do all my own work now. It also makes me a real street scrapper since I don't' have the background to be intimidated like I have seen of the lawyers around here. As some have put it, if they actually pushed and fought to have the law followed and enforced then it would be professional suicide with the corrupt system we have. Even local papers have said they don't dare take on the judges here since they could plan on being shut down or etc for printing the truth that is well documented!

Here is a site you may want to look around to see how corrupt they are here. I've had to deal with these bastards since I was 12 with them trying to ignore and break laws going after me and they HATE I refuse to cave in or give up! The site is my father's not mine so you know.

http://www.perjury.org/

TheManOnTheStreet

DAMMIT!  Isn't that in and of itself abuse?  No Christmas?  Not even a freaking sock full of penny candy?  MAN I AM PISSED!

Zarby,

I am so sorry to hear this.  Although, I am very happy to see that you are dealing with it well.  I am almost certain that this is just another manipulation ploy to make you look bad, or worse yet, to get more money from you.  My prayers are with you and your strength.  I don't think I could contain myself.  You are a good man.

Al
The Man On The Street is on the street for a reason.......
_________________________________
It's not illegal to be male.....yet.

devia

I'm sorry Zarby.

Makes my complaints about the cup runneth over regarding my son sound pretty petty.

How old are the kids if you don't mind me asking? Only advice I could give you is to keep a diary of events and remember that eventually they'll be old enough to see things clearly.

The Biscuit Queen

zarby, I am so sorry. There is no excuse for this. There are charities in every town to insure that even the poorest families have something, so there is no excuse for this, not even the one she gave.

When can you see them again? Could you give them  Christmas at your place?

She could have gone to the dollar store and picked up enough for stockings and a gift or two for 20 bucks.


:cry:
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

Quentin0352

Better yet, document it all and show the payments you have made. Then go to her neighborhood and pass out fliers with all the info! Make sure to have a video camera and also get the press involved if you can and then let her explain to THEM what she is doing and let the judge explain in a very public manner why he won't stop it.

devia

Quentin,

Publicly humilating the kids is not a good step.

Rob Layton

Zarby I am so sorry to hear your story bro..I am sure we have all come through bad times financialy in our lives,  but every loving and caring parent makes sure that the kids always have enough especialy at Christmas.
This you did..The onus was on your ex to provide for them no matter how little she had, and she did'nt. Knowing  this is no concillation to your children but you can sleep with a clear conscience which is more that she can.
I wish you all a better new year Zarby..

Quentin0352

Quote
Quentin,

Publicly humiliating the kids is not a good step.


Correct but if he provides Christmas for them they shouldn't be humiliated much and humiliating HER is the main goal. Maybe discussing it with them some first but my understanding is she is already turning them against him so there shouldn't be much damage. It is time to humiliate the judges and women that act like this and hopefully change things. They may not like it now but later they should appreciate it when they have Christmas every year after with a good father instead of a hateful and vindictive mother that takes her revenge out on the kids to get at him. Also it might help prevent other kids from going through the same things.

I had to look at it before trying to go public with my case and how it would effect the kids too and understand that part of the issue. In the end I made the attempt but the delays in deciding and also the unwillingness of the press killed anything happening.

devia

Quote
Correct but if he provides Christmas for them they shouldn't be humiliated much and humiliating HER is the main goal. Maybe discussing it with them some first but my understanding is she is already turning them against him so there shouldn't be much damage. It is time to humiliate the judges and women that act like this and hopefully change things. They may not like it now but later they should appreciate it when they have Christmas every year after with a good father instead of a hateful and vindictive mother that takes her revenge out on the kids to get at him. Also it might help prevent other kids from going through the same things



So you've never been through grade school? Not much damage?


I got to know my nephew pretty much for the first time this Christmas. His parents have been battling it out since I was 25 (that would be 18 years now) he's almost 20. After a long night bonding with his cousin's he was the first to be awake and meet me in the kitchen for breakfast

I asked him if there was anything I could answer for him regarding his parents, after he was complaining a bit about his dad (they'd been on vacation together awhile).

This is important. This is a kid who has spent his entire life with his parents battling each other.


His answer was "I don't give a shit. they are both assholes. My dad rants and my mom gets all emotional, I'll never be like them.. ever"


So whatever. Step one from what I've seen in having kids that pretty much hate you both, not to mention following in your fantasic footsteps, is doing the above.

Quentin0352

Actually I was being investigated and accused of murder while still in grade school so I have a good idea of how hard it can be. How many children are we going to allow to be destroyed by the courts by protecting them from the truth? EVERYTHING we see done to screw men and their kids is done in the name of "the children's best interests" including refusing to allow a good father to be involved in their lives while legally endorsing an abusive mother. If you think embarrassing them is harsh and going to cause problems, think about how much damage is being done and will continue to be done for years by judges allowing this kind of treatment of them. If embarrassing them now can cause a change to allow them to be with a good loving father then it may stop this mental and emotional abuse instead of them suffering it for the next ten years and I am sure Zarby would be getting them help they obviously need now to recover from this woman. That is much better IMHO than them suffering the next ten years through abuse like this from their mother.

devia

........

edited because my comments also made Zarby's kids into pawns.

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