Retired Husband Syndrome (the media double std)

Started by mens_issues, Jan 11, 2006, 01:47 PM

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Here's the latest gem from called "Retired Husband Syndrome."  The reference to wanting to toss one's husband out the window is apparently OK in this article - with the roles reversed it would be "domestic violence."

The demeaning article can be found here:

Retired Husband Syndrome

Wives Get Frustrated When Their Husbands Are Around

Jan. 11, 2006 -- - Jo Turner and Molly McCartney have entered the golden years -- their husbands' retirement. It should be an era of marital bliss, but more and more women are finding themselves frustrated, annoyed or even furious when their husbands come home to roost.

As the first of the baby boomers turns 60 this year, it's a problem that can become more widespread in America.

Trouble in Japan

"Retired husband syndrome" is one of the leading causes of divorce among older couples in Japan. The symptoms include irritability, ulcers, rashes, and the recurring urge to toss one's husband out the window.

Japanese doctors first described the syndrome when wives started showing symptoms of stress after being forced to deal with their recently retired husbands who demanded absolute subservience. The divorce rates among couples married for 20 years more than doubled between 1985 and 2000 in Japan.

Sayoko Nishida has written books and organizes retreats for Japanese women who say the constant presence of their retired husbands has caused serious physical illnesses.

Nubuko Toda is one of the women grappling with these issues.

"I feel heaviness and dizziness in my head," she said. "The feelings come and go frequently at different times."

Japanese physicians estimate that as many as 60 percent of wives of retired men suffer to some extent from "RHS."

One survey by a Tokyo advertising firm found that while 85 percent of soon-to-retire men were delighted by the prospect of retirement, 40 percent of their wives said they were depressed by the idea. In fact, around Japan, more than 3,000 groups have sprung up to retrain retired husbands to be more independent and communicative with their wives.

One group, called "Men in the Kitchen," teaches male retirees how to cook, clean and shop for themselves.

Embracing the New

Maggie Walker teaches seminars that address the unexpected problems and anxiety women face dealing with their husbands as they embark on the final chapter of their relationship.

"Just the idea of adjusting with the kids not being the focus anymore, with the careers not being something to talk about so much anymore," she said.

Turner and McCartney have had some problems with their husbands, but take the new phase in stride and with a little humor.

"Retirement came -- your husband is everywhere you look, they're home," Turner said. They are "used to making decisions in their job. We all thought we were doing a great job until our husband retired."

Turner said that the best way to get over frustration with a listless husband was to develop a support system. Find other activities for your husband, like art, golf or volunteer work.

McCartney said that her husband retired without knowing how to run a home. It can be frustrating, but she said that she tried to see her husband's retirement as a great adventure.

"If you think about retirement, you know it's something you need to make an adjustment for," she said. "It's a change in how you live for you and him. If you want to make it work, you have to plan so it doesn't make a crisis."

McCartney said her mother experienced some frustration when her father retired, so she expected some changes. But she did not expect that his trash would pile up around the house or that her husband would master the art of selective hearing and selective vision -- he never sees that the house needs straightening up and doesn't hear his wife when she asks.

"Piles of materials -- newspapers, magazines, golf score cards, pennies, pencils, sticky notes, letters, bills -- stack up and get higher and higher," she said.

McCartney says her husband, Wally, is a "sweet man." He's just a work in progress.
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Wow hey, should a man complain that a woman doesn't meet up to his standards he would be shouted into silence by everyone within a hundred miles.

What is a "clean house"? It seems a clean house is only a woman's standard, not a man's. How clean does it have to be before it's considered clean? Is there a mathematical formula that men aren't aware of?

How hard is it to run a household when there is just you and one other person? What is the proper running of a household? What makes a good household? Who wrote the definition of a good household and what is the precise definition of it? I would like to know so that the next time I walk into someone's home I can run down the checklist to determine whether this is a well run household or not.

What is the definition of "listless"? Isn't listless more of an opinion of someone's state rather than definitive of their state? Is a 90 year old woman who's only daily physical activity is a 30 minute stroll through the park also to be labelled as listless?

Is selective hearing and sight actually a symptom of "Retired Husband Syndrome" or has it been misdiagnosed and is actually a symptom of "Double Breasted Ceaseless Nagging Syndrome"?

A woman's thoughts about the home are far more sexist than any man who thought that women didn't belong in business. These bleeding hearts think that the man should pay for the home and everything in it, yet somehow he should have no say of how it is decorated nor how it is run - in fact, he shouldn't even be there too much. I mean who's home is it? Does the wife have 90% of voting power on what is a proper home to live in?

Stand up for yourselves Retired Men! Gather up all the doilies and pitch them out the window! It's your home too! A well run home might very well have a mini fridge stocked with cold beer in every room - yes, even the bathroom!  :D  I mean, who is to say that wouldn't be a well run home?


Quote from: "Rob"
What is a "clean house"? It seems a clean house is only a woman's standard, not a man's. How clean does it have to be before it's considered clean? Is there a mathematical formula that men aren't aware of?

You know, they did do that study. What was it - last year? It showed, that without any doubt, women overall had a much higher standard for cleanliness than men did. The kicker is that men's standard for cleanliness was good enough, i.e. safe in terms of germs and all that, it just wasn't good enough for the women.

My take on it is whomever gets the most freaked out by it, i.e. has the highest standards, has to clean to those standards. If I clean, I clean to my standards. If you want me to clean to your standards, too bad.
: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



"Retirement came -- your husband is everywhere you look, they're home," Turner said. They are "used to making decisions in their job. We all thought we were doing a great job until our husband retired."

So in other words, they don't like having the person that paid for everything around the house and that person is the one that should leave and get out instead of her going out and getting a part time job or outside hobby.


I knew this was about Japan just from the title - I've heard of this "syndrome" before.

Japanese don't communicate at all in the marriage - so when husband retires, NEITHER know how to handle each other's presence.  The article is typical bullshit pinning the blame on the man only.  I remember seeing a lot of old guys just out and about during the day - sitting in the park, sitting around town.  They must just be getting out of the house to avoid the missus.  I guess the divorce rate must be higher in the cold winters.  I knew quite a few Japanese married couples while I was out there - I never met one couple who were communicative even on the most basic friendly level - it was all role-playing and little eye contact.  It's not all down to social protocol - they really are that bad at communication - or simply don't want to communicate.  You can just TELL when a couple are close - by the body language, by subtle eye contact etc.  I never saw that. If you had to marry someone, why not try and get along? Why not share a joke? Get to know each other? Might as well.  I don't blame all those hikikomori guys out there.  They know what they're doing.  In Japan, you have to be mad to be "normal".  All those recluses are taking the best choice available.  

But really - what a life - being a salaryman for 40 years, putting in long commutes and long boring hours in the office working for a woman who doesn't love you or even communicate with you on a basic friendly level.  You must have such low ambition in life to accept that.  It's just pergatory.

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