Devil Wife

Started by whome112, Jan 16, 2006, 01:20 AM

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whome112

This is from Japan. I've seen these relationships here in Canada. The author is right, they are stable at least for a while. I'm not too sure why that is so, but I'll guess.

-  Men have not been told that we have the right to be treated decently.
-  Women have not be attacked as abusers.
-  Men have been told, repeatedly, that we are at fault in any amrriage and so must do whatever it is we are told.

Put that together with other things the two sexes are told and we have this form of marriage. We also have a lot of other things ....

whome
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http://www.asahi.com/english/Herald-asahi/TKY200601140135.html

Weekend Beat:'Devil wives' getting a bad rap--many husbands think they are the cat's meow

01/14/2006
By haruko ishii, The Asahi Shimbun

She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.

Sound familiar?

It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.

Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.

"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.

But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.

As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.

After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.

"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.

For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.

Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.

His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.

In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."

Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."

The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."

Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."

These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.

"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."

People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.

While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.

"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."

"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."

"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."

Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."

Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.

When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.

As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."

Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."

"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.

"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
ay what you mean: Mean what you say.
http://jwwells.blogspot.com

Sir Percy

Lord knows what the Japanese have as definitions of DV, but here in Oz any of this sort of behaviour - if a man does it - is grounds for being thrown in jail and dispossessed of everything. Like Japan though, women get away with it and men are the butt of jokes.
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

Virtue

See its cool and hip to be pussy whipped !

/dripping sarcasm
Imagine waking up tomorrow to find
that unbelievably rape is now legal.

You would be freaking out, telling everyone you ran into this is crazy- something needs to be done... now!!! And then every man you told this to just very smugly and condescendingly says...

"Hey... not all men are 'like that.'"

jackd1701

Just last week there was an article of about men shying away from "loving" relationships.  If this is what you call "loving" relationships, why is it surprising that most men would not want this.  Of course, I'm sure your will be able to find men that say they are fine with this, but for every such men, there are probably 10 that will just tell you to suff it.  ( I would be one of these men)

What is surprising to me, is that no one seems to see these facts as possibly related !!


http://www.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/getarticle.pl5?ek20060110ks.htm
ive long and prosper

typhonblue

If men want to be in these relationships, let them.

Likewise, if women want to be in relationships with dominant, controlling(or even abusive) men, let them.

When it becomes a problem is when a group of people take personal dynamics and create a revenge-based government system to try and "save" the victim.

There is no victim in a relationship. That's why it's a *relationship*. (The only caveate is that government can create victims by taking sides in a personal relationship.)

CaptDMO


Sir Percy

And Sqdn Ldr Bartlett and fifty others though they had a beef with the Stalagluft Commandant!
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

Galt

I've actually run across a whole lot of men who want the woman to be the boss.  I'm not kidding.

I even read a book once about the "Green River Killer" - Gary Ridgeway - and he went punctually to work everyday and then gave his whole paycheck to his housewife spouse.  And she granted him an "allowance".

That's the existence of many men, although maybe not that extreme.  They go to work and are told what to do by their supervisor or manager.  And then they come home and are told what to do by the spouse.

Not really my bag, with either work (I've been self-employed for over a decade) or with a woman in that position.  I'd go crazy.  I certainly don't want to be bossed around - by anyone - but I also don't really want to be the boss unless it's required, which it sometimes is now in life.  I think that some people who are heavily into being the "boss" are also heavily into the opposite side.  I've read that a lot of guys who go to dominatrix-type prostitutes are in heavy positions of power in real life.  Cool, I guess.  Sometimes their assertions of being the "boss" of the housewife are the opposite in reality.

whome112

It seems that the problem is:

-  if Devil husband = abuse
-  if Devil wife = man's choice in marriage

This difference is huge and rather frightening in the implications for our society.

Some people (both sexes) prefer a marriage with a boss spouse. This is straight up dominance as described in any text on primate dominance relationships. Too many people think we humans have evolved past dominance! We most certainly have not.

That said, there is a difference between dominance and abuse: These "Devil Wife" women have crossed that line.

whome
ay what you mean: Mean what you say.
http://jwwells.blogspot.com

zarby

So, if a woman complains about abuse, the response is "it is your fault because you chose him?" Of course, that will never happen.

the sad geek

Quote from: "typhonblue"
There is no victim in a relationship.


I'm puzzled. Could you enlighten me what, according to your definition, a victim is?
Alles van waarde is weerloos - Everything valuable is defenseless. (Lucebert)

LSBeene

Quote from: "whome112"
It seems that the problem is:

-  if Devil husband = abuse
-  if Devil wife = man's choice in marriage

This difference is huge and rather frightening in the implications for our society.

Some people (both sexes) prefer a marriage with a boss spouse. This is straight up dominance as described in any text on primate dominance relationships. Too many people think we humans have evolved past dominance! We most certainly have not.

That said, there is a difference between dominance and abuse: These "Devil Wife" women have crossed that line.

whome


Yep.  And when both agree it's fine for one to be the boss ... all well and good.  But when one spouse unilaterally decides to be the boss, and that she'll take the kids, the house, and part of your paycheck for a better part of a decade .... that's not an agreement.  That's a case for one spouse to hold power over another while the second lives under gov't sponsored slavery.

Steven
'Watch our backs at home, we'll guard the wall over here. You can sleep safe tonight, we'll guard the door."

Isaiah 6:8
"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Galt

Quote from: "LSBeene"
Yep.  And when both agree it's fine for one to be the boss ... all well and good.


But think about how things really are today:

If the couple decides (or more likely, falls into the situation) that the wife is "boss", then all is fine and in line with society.

If the couple "decides" that the husband is boss, that's illusory.  He isn't really, because the wife simply has the ultimate power if she really goes to the mat, and she also has the troops (i.e. the police and sheriffs who will ultimately carry out orders of the court against the husband if it goes that far).

Take the situation that the husband is the "boss" and he decides that the kids are going to be raised as Baptists.  10 years later, the wife all of a sudden decides that she is a full-out Catholic.  If she decides now that the children are going to be raised as Catholics, they ultimately ARE going to be if she goes to the mat on that issue.  

Because we know what will happen if she pushes that issue through.  She will get custody of the children, a good chunk of the marital assets and a good chunk of the current income of the (ex-)husband.  If he protests a bit too loudly at that, she will simply remove him from the situation entirely with a restraining order.

Galt

I guess the best you can do today, as a man, is to find a benevolent ruler.  LOL

hurkle

What's interesting is that this follows right on the heels of the article about how women are divorcing and dumping their husbands right after the husbands retire (in Japan). The husbands sit around the house, lost, because they have been salaryment for 35 years, and have no idea what to do with themselves. So the women get "depressed" about having their husbands home for the first time ever, and dump them.

So, in Japan, you marry the devil woman, slave for her for 35 years, and then she divorces you when you retire and leaves you poor and alone and unhappy.

To think, I used to love Japanese culture.

Ah well, that was before feminism.
: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

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