The Moustache

Started by lkanneg, Feb 10, 2006, 06:43 AM

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lkanneg

Hi all,

So nice to see everybody again.   :)

This will probably seem trivial to most everyone, but I'd like your takes on it, if you are interested in sharing.  It is sort of gender-related.

My older son has a moustache.  Okay, it isn't an amazing moustache--he's only 13 years old.  But it's legitimately a moustache (as opposed to, like, 10 whiskers scattered over his upper lip).  Now, for some reason known only to himself that he either can't or won't articulate, he loves his moustache.  I think it looks kinda ragged and a little peculiar on his still-rounded face (though I haven't said so to him).  His father totally hates it (though he hasn't articulated his reasons for that either).  His father really, really wants him to shave it off--I believe he is teetering on the brink of ordering him to do so.  Aesthetically I'd prefer it gone as well, but...it's HIS moustache...he likes it...as I said in an earlier thread, he is having some self-esteem issues re his looks...if it makes him feel better about himself, does it really matter if I like it?  Or his father?  So since I suspect that his father will soon demand the removal of said moustache...what route would you all take with this situation, if this was your boy?
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

aknapp1112

"his body his choice"

Ok, bad joke. Maybe it is me, but if it isnt hurting himself or anyone else, why would you want to have him get rid of it? Is it that bad, as far as not coming in fully or something?

On a side note, does your son even now HOW to shave? Maybe he doesnt want to have a moustache, but is embarrased to ask dad for help in learning how to shave? Like i said though, if it isnt hurting anyone, why make him get rid of it?

13 years old, with a full stache, wow that is pretty young.

lkanneg

Quote from: "aknapp1112"
"his body his choice"

Ok, bad joke. Maybe it is me, but if it isnt hurting himself or anyone else, why would you want to have him get rid of it? Is it that bad, as far as not coming in fully or something?

On a side note, does your son even now HOW to shave? Maybe he doesnt want to have a moustache, but is embarrased to ask dad for help in learning how to shave? Like i said though, if it isnt hurting anyone, why make him get rid of it?

13 years old, with a full stache, wow that is pretty young.


LOL, don't apologize, I was thinking the same thing ("his body his choice").  Problem is, if his dad insists, do I support his dad or support him?

Yeah, he knows how to shave.  He's been shaving the 'stache for about six months.  He just quit a month or so ago.  He's almost 14...but he has really thick, dark head hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, leg hair, other secondary hair too.  It's not a BIG full 'stache, like the guys in "Tombstone" (if anybody else has seen that) but it isn't a tiny handful of whiskers, either.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

aknapp1112

Does some girl at school like it maybe? or does the "cool guy" at school have one? if he was shaving before, can you think if ANYTHING happened around the time that he stopped shaving?

woof

There are more permanet ways to express your individually, like body percings(sp), and tatoo's......I say let him be.
Even a whole village can't replace dad, children need both parents.

lkanneg

Quote from: "aknapp1112"
Does some girl at school like it maybe? or does the "cool guy" at school have one? if he was shaving before, can you think if ANYTHING happened around the time that he stopped shaving?


Yes, actually...he changed schools...hmm...thanks!!
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

Sir Percy

This is an issue for him to decide, with advice from both parents - not orders. You and your ex have the problem, not him. he doesn't have a problem. He has a moustache.

Self esteem has nothing to do with how he looks but what he does. He will increase his self esteem by either growing a moustache or by shaving it regularly. Its not how it looks that matters. If he doesn't like the way it looks he can trim it or shave it off. Its the acting toward the mastery of a challenge and succeeding that brings self esteem. Don't be fooled into the mendacity that self esteem is given by others or just by being, or even buying a particular brand of soap.

By the way, Lisa. Great to see you back. :D
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

lkanneg

Quote from: "Sir Percy"


By the way, Lisa. Great to see you back. :D


You too, Sir P!  (BTW, I've always visualized you as having a moustache.)
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

ggreen67

The moustache to a young man is a symbol of Manhood. He is sure to be very proud of that rag growing above his lip. Make no mistake, your son you will fight you, and his father to the very end to keep it.

I'm sure the father feels a sense that his boy isn't going to be a boy too much longer and maybe is not ready for that yet.

I went through the same thing when I was growing up. My parents complained much, but they grew accustomed to it. They also come to accept the fact they would have to literally hold me down and shave it off themselves.

aknapp1112

Quote
Yes, actually...he changed schools...hmm...thanks!!


New school, probably just seeing what works thats all. To me, if no one is getting hurt, then there is no reason to order him to get rid of it.


Quick question for Percy, i am assuming you are from Australia, does the name Joseph Hachem ring a bell with you?

TheManOnTheStreet

HE is just expressing himself and his "manhood".  Nothing more IMO.  AJ, now 10 did the same thing.  I would constantly harrass him to either grow a beard and stash or shave.  Not quite the same thing but.  Eventually, I gave up when I realized (as in I believed) he was just doing one of two things.  Expressing his manliness, which is typical of a young man.  Or not shaving just to piss me off.  Again typical of a young man spreading his wings.

I say, let him go.  Talk to the EX.  Hopefully, this is the biggest issue you two will have with him.  Thus, is it really that big of a deal?

Al
The Man On The Street is on the street for a reason.......
_________________________________
It's not illegal to be male.....yet.

damnbiker

I say good for him!  Facial hair is a very manly thing (well, some older ladies too I guess :) ).  There's nothing wrong with wanting to be more masculine as far as I'm concerned.  Maybe I'll folow suit and grow my beard back.  Maybe we should all grow beards as a show of solidatrity.  It could be a Mens rights thing, "National Grow a Beard month".  Kind of like a ribbon campaign, only with facial hair.  We could all run around chanting "Take back your face!" and burn our razors!  Yeah!  Of course I wouldn't want to leave out the women who want to support Mens rights, so we could sell fake beards too.

Okay, maybe not.  But it's just a 'stache, thank your lucky stars.  At that age I had a Mohawk. :)
It's not illegal to be a man...yet.

Sir Percy

Quote
You too, Sir P! (BTW, I've always visualized you as having a moustache.)


Had one since 19. Have a full beard too. White!!!! I get mistaken for Father Christmas. :D

Quote
Quick question for Percy, i am assuming you are from Australia, does the name Joseph Hachem ring a bell with you?


'Tis my privilege to live in God's Own Wide Brown Land, but that name - he's the guy who won at poker isn't he?
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

slayton

Quote from: "lkanneg"
...if it makes him feel better about himself, does it really matter if I like it?


No.

Quote
Or his father?


Yes. (see below)

Quote
So since I suspect that his father will soon demand the removal of said moustache...what route would you all take with this situation, if this was your boy?


Words of Supreme Family Patriarch are THE Law. Carry out your orders, resistance is futile (and punishable, I might add).




P.S.: come on, you two should leave the poor boy alone; so he grew a mustache, big deal. You wanted opinion, I gave it.

dr e

He's individuating.  He's no longer a cute little kid and he knows he can't get the same sort of treatment based on being adorable.  OTOH he is developing characteristics of adulthood and is practicing some of that.  Teens of this age will tend to go back and forth between these two as they are stuck in between childhood and adulthood.  It's a tough time.  I agree with all of those who have said leave it up to him. Might be interesting to talk to him about it and ask him what he thinks of it.   The last thing you want to do is shame him about the moustache. The more you can treat him like a responsible adult the better.  He is practicing.
Contact dr e  Lifeboats for the ladies and children, icy waters for the men.  Women have rights and men have responsibilties.

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