Friends with Privileges

Started by lkanneg, Feb 12, 2006, 06:44 PM

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lkanneg

Another not deeply important gender issue, but one I've always been curious about.  Is there really any such thing as genuine friends with privileges between a man and a woman?  This is what I had always imagined friends with privileges was supposed to mean:  two people who really liked each other, hung out and talked and did activities together like friends do, who also sometimes (frequency variable) had sex.  If one or the other happened to form a romantic relationship with someone else, the sex stopped but the friendship remained intact.  However, the following are the only scenarios I've actually witnessed with two people calling themselves "friends with benefits:"

1.  Woman can't get a boyfriend, usually because she's not very attractive.  She sleeps with guys who call her a friend with privileges but who only behave like a friend when they want sex.  She usually falls in love with one or more of them and they never reciprocate.  We can call her "the Used."

2.  Woman who is hanging out for the man she REALLY wants.  She still wants to go out and have fun and have sex but doesn't want to be encumbered with the label "boyfriend" so that when she meets Mr. Perfect, she can say she's unattached.  Most of the guys she's sleeping with are nuts about her and would claim her in a heartbeat if she'd let them.  We can call her "the User."

3. Woman is in love with specific man, who really likes her, even loves her, but usually because she's not very attractive, can't quite bring himself to totally commit to her.  They may be boyfriend/girlfriend off and  on, but usually they are FWP.  This can go on for YEARS.  (The specific case I'm thinking of has been going on for a decade now.)  I don't know what to call this one.

4.  Same as 3, just with genders reversed (man is in love with specific woman, who really cares for him, but because he is not Prince Charming, can't quite bring herself to totally commit to him).  The specific case here I'm thinking about, she did eventually marry him, after FIVE years of shopping around.  

Anyway...does my original definition of FWP actually exist?  Or is FWP only a euphemism for 1-4?
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

The Biscuit Queen

I had one for a while. I used to date him, but then we drifted apart, just got busy, no fights or dramas or anything.  We used to hang out, go on rides (I would borrow a motercycle,) I even went on a double date with his brother and his new girlfriend. But, occasionally we would have a go just for fun.

I didn't fit any of your scenarios. We just enjoyed each other's company, but were really too (selfish, immature, commitment-phobic) to want to settle down with anyone, let alone each other. Great sex and a good friendship without all the hassles of a relationship.

Now, I could not have been happy with that forever-I think humans need a deeper relationship which requires a commitment-but for a while it was a lot of fun.
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

TheManOnTheStreet

FWP is nothing more than a feminazi's way of controlling a man without responsibility.  IE: Pussy principal.

See Whore, Slut, Skank.

And NO.  Men don't do this FWP bullshit.  either you're his push or you're not.  plain and simple.

Nuff said.


Al
The Man On The Street is on the street for a reason.......
_________________________________
It's not illegal to be male.....yet.

sorryisntgoodenough

I agree Al Martin, FWP is just a more low level, discreet way to jerk men around for the sake of jerking men around.  I remember getting to antimaleAmerica in 2001, looking for a girl on the internet.  They called it "friend with benefits", and I knew right off not to fraternize with them any further.

Sir Percy

Quote
3. Woman is in love with specific man, who really likes her, even loves her, but usually because she's not very attractive, can't quite bring himself to totally commit to her.



Hahahaha. ....hahahahahahaha

Lisa, most every woman married to or going out with my male friends, is 'not very attractive'. Attractiveness is almost the last consideration when it comes to committment. Women like to think that men take no notice of a woman's personality but I can assure you it is far higher on his criteria list than her looks. Gorgious, hour-glass figure harridans are still harridans.
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

The Biscuit Queen

Quote
FWP is nothing more than a feminazi's way of controlling a man without responsibility. IE: Pussy principal. See Whore, Slut, Skank.



:oops:

I guess I should not open my big mouth so soon. Doesn't it make a difference if BOTH parties are being 'irresponsible?' As I said, neither of us wanted anything serious. We really were just pals who had fun in bed occasionally. Geez, I got called those things a lot in school, but didn't think I would get it here :roll: .

BTW, I have a theory, a conspiracy theory. I think the Rantmiester will like it. I think that the names slut, skank, et al, are names devised by women who are conspiring to keep the status quo of power for sex scam going, by shaming and blaming women who do not scam. Women, like I was as a very young woman, upset the apple cart by not expecting dinners, jewelery, commitments, etc, for sex. I got a lot more attention by not being a blackmailer, and that drew the wrath of....not men, but women.

Probably just a radical thought, but even moderates like me need one from time to time.  8)
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

neoteny

Quote from: "The Biscuit Queen"
BTW, I have a theory, a conspiracy theory. I think the Rantmiester will like it. I think that the names slut, skank, et al, are names devised by women who are conspiring to keep the status quo of power for sex scam going, by shaming and blaming women who do not scam. Women, like I was as a very young woman, upset the apple cart by not expecting dinners, jewelery, commitments, etc, for sex. I got a lot more attention by not being a blackmailer, and that drew the wrath of....not men, but women.


This makes eminent sense and doesn't even require a conspiracy theory, just plain economic one; you were 'underpricing' them and they detested it (and you).
The spreading of information about the [quantum] system through the [classical] environment is ultimately responsible for the emergence of "objective reality." 

Wojciech Hubert Zurek: Decoherence, einselection, and the quantum origins of the classical

lkanneg

Quote from: "The Biscuit Queen"
BTW, I have a theory, a conspiracy theory. I think the Rantmiester will like it. I think that the names slut, skank, et al, are names devised by women who are conspiring to keep the status quo of power for sex scam going, by shaming and blaming women who do not scam. Women, like I was as a very young woman, upset the apple cart by not expecting dinners, jewelery, commitments, etc, for sex. I got a lot more attention by not being a blackmailer, and that drew the wrath of....not men, but women.


Hmm...I only noticed women (generally speaking, there are always exceptions) not liking  other women who had sex without expecting anything in return when those women were doing so with the other women's boyfriends.  I personally certainly never minded what other women did with other men; always figured it was none of my business and had no impact on what I did or didn't do with men myself.  ;) Certainly women like that never seemed to reduce the supply of men available, not to me, anyway.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

lkanneg

Quote from: "AlMartin"
FWP is nothing more than a feminazi's way of controlling a man without responsibility.  IE: Pussy principal.

See Whore, Slut, Skank.

And NO.  Men don't do this FWP bullshit.  either you're his push or you're not.  plain and simple.

Nuff said.


Al


I guess we've just had totally different observations of people.  Well, a different perspective is always valuable...
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

Galt

Quote from: "lkanneg"
I personally certainly never minded what other women did with other men; always figured it was none of my business and had no impact on what I did or didn't do with men myself.


You're probably not personally a "busybody".  Lots of people are, though.

lkanneg

Quote from: "Sir Percy"
Quote
3. Woman is in love with specific man, who really likes her, even loves her, but usually because she's not very attractive, can't quite bring himself to totally commit to her.



Hahahaha. ....hahahahahahaha

Lisa, most every woman married to or going out with my male friends, is 'not very attractive'.


Well, yeah. Looks are a bell curve, like everything else...above-average looks are much less common than average looks.  

Quote from: "Sir Percy"
Attractiveness is almost the last consideration when it comes to committment.


(sigh) My observations of others have led me to a different conclusion, sadly.  As my mom used to say, "90% of the men want 10% of the women," and vice versa.  Since obviously there aren't enough of the 10% to go round, though, people do usually end up settling for a more realistic goal.  Some people don't take long to get realistic; others take forever.

Quote from: "Sir Percy"
Women like to think that men take no notice of a woman's personality but I can assure you it is far higher on his criteria list than her looks. Gorgious, hour-glass figure harridans are still harridans.


So true, and men do of course notice a woman's personality.  That's what often holds the interest.  Often, though, it's looks that capture the interest.  Without the looks, it tends to take longer (sometimes a lot longer) for the personality to be noticed.  Just my opinion, tho.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

The Biscuit Queen

Quote
Hmm...I only noticed women (generally speaking, there are always exceptions) not liking other women who had sex without expecting anything in return when those women were doing so with the other women's boyfriends.


I wish. No, I have had women throw ice on me, shove me off my feet on a dance floor, threaten me with a 3 to 1 fight in a bathroom (that was an EX boyfriend-does that count?) start rumors, punch me in the face, two different times, all for being a slut, even though all of these guys were single when I dated them. I dated one guy who was married, and I broke it off when i found out. I dated one guy who had a child with a woman, again, I was not aware he was with her until later. Ironically, these women didn't say or do anything, the married one I never even met.

I did date a couple who were dating other women, but never had a problem with those women-they never found out. it was the single out hunting type that got to most pissed. Of course they were usually pretty hideous too, so maybe that was part of it.


Here is the type of woman I had to deal with. We called her Scary Sara, she looked like she laid on her bed, brushed out and hairsprayed her hair, then sat up, so from the front she had big hard hair, from the side it was flat. She wore pancake makeup to hide the pock marks, miniskirts, and heels. She was mad I went on a date with her EX boyfriend, who was nice but just not my type after all. She called ME the slut (in jeans and T-shirt and no makeup after a 9 hour shift at a factory while she is dressd like a call girl) and proceded to threaten me for months for one date, to the point where I started carrying a knife with me. 5 years later, I run into her and the guy (she got pregnant by him and he married her), she shoves me and calls me a slut as she walks by, he just nods his head with an apologetic sheepish smile in a greeting and follows her. I was engaged to Dave by then, WTF?

I am telling you, there are some freaking SCARY women out there. I just felt so bad for the guy-trapped for the rest of his life with THAT harpy.
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

The Biscuit Queen

Quote
Hmm...I only noticed women (generally speaking, there are always exceptions) not liking other women who had sex without expecting anything in return when those women were doing so with the other women's boyfriends.


I wish. No, I have had women throw ice on me, shove me off my feet on a dance floor, threaten me with a 3 to 1 fight in a bathroom (that was an EX boyfriend-does that count?) start rumors, punch me in the face, two different times, all for being a slut, even though all of these guys were single when I dated them. I dated one guy who was married, and I broke it off when i found out. I dated one guy who had a child with a woman, again, I was not aware he was with her until later. Ironically, these women didn't say or do anything, the married one I never even met.

I did date a couple who were dating other women, but never had a problem with those women-they never found out. it was the single out hunting type that got the most pissed. Of course they were usually pretty hideous too, so maybe that was part of it.


Here is the type of woman I had to deal with. We called her Scary Sara, she looked like she laid on her bed, brushed out and hairsprayed her hair, then sat up, so from the front she had big hard hair, from the side it was flat. She wore pancake makeup to hide the pock marks, miniskirts, and heels. She was mad I went on a date with her EX boyfriend, who was nice but just not my type after all. She called ME the slut (in jeans and T-shirt and no makeup after a 9 hour shift at a factory while she is dressd like a call girl) and proceded to threaten me for months for one date, to the point where I started carrying a knife with me. 5 years later, I run into her and the guy (she got pregnant by him and he married her), she shoves me and calls me a slut as she walks by, he just nods his head with an apologetic sheepish smile in a greeting and follows her. I was engaged to Dave by then, WTF?

I am telling you, there are some freaking SCARY women out there. I just felt so bad for the guy-trapped for the rest of his life with THAT harpy.
he Biscuit Queen
www.thebiscuitqueen.blogspot.com

There are always two extremes....the truth lies in the middle.

PowerMan72

:yes:

Yep, that's about right.  I think BQ hit the nail right on the head.  I never hear men use those words, but I hear them from women all the time.
Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan: "Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts."

lkanneg

Quote from: "PowerMan72"
:yes:  I never hear men use those words, but I hear them from women all the time.


;) Uh, rewind up to post #3 in this thread.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

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