Sex Ed on the East Coast, 2006

Started by lkanneg, Mar 24, 2006, 08:39 PM

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lkanneg

I should start out by saying that I never had sex ed in school.  It wasn't offered.  It wasn't all *that* long ago, but we are talking rural Kansas here.  

So my older son's sex ed experiences are where I'm getting all my info on sex ed.  Well, they had their sex ed end-of-quarter test today, and my son relayed the following exam question to me:

"If your boyfriend or girlfriend is pressuring you to have sex, what should you do?"

a.  Look him/her straight in the eye and say No in an assertive manner.
b.  Give into the pressure.
c.  Slap him/her.
d.  Say No softly without meeting his/her eyes.

Naturally my son knows the "correct" answer, which is a.  (At least he and I are both assuming that's the case; we won't know for sure til next week when he gets his graded test back.)  I passed this on to some coworkers, cause tbh the test question and responses kinda floored me a bit, and without exception all my male coworkers shouted, "b!"  My female coworkers were much more of a mixed bag.  I got two "c's," one joking and one not, a few serious "a's," and several  "we should of course have done "a" but probably did "d" and then unfortunately "d" sometimes wound up turning into "b" depending on how scared we were of losing him as a boyfriend."  

Raises some questions in my mind...
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

PaulGuelph

I think that people are just saying what they think they are supposed to say. Kind of a Homer Simpson type of humor.

I attended "sex education" 30 years ago, but I would not have dreamed of discussing it with my mother. She did not use the word "body" in any context as it has sexual conotations. She aften referred to legs as "limbs".

If it were not for sex ed at school, I would have received none, except for a book I stole from my brother.
Men's Movie Guide:  http://www.mensmovieguide.com   The Healing Tomb: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B081N1X145

lkanneg

Quote from: "PaulGuelph"
I think that people are just saying what they think they are supposed to say. Kind of a Homer Simpson type of humor.


I thought of that, but honestly...I think I was getting the sincere answers.  ;)  I know the people I asked pretty well (or I would've been uncomfortable bringing up sex with them at all in the workplace).

Quote from: "PaulGuelph"
I attended "sex education" 30 years ago, but I would not have dreamed of discussing it with my mother. She did not use the word "body" in any context as it has sexual conotations. She aften referred to legs as "limbs".


Y'know, I got that from some guys too...amazement that my son brought this up with me.  I didn't share this next stuff with them, b/c I didn't think my son would want me to, but we're all pretty anonymous here on the message board...my son pretty much comes to me with every question and thought in his head, sexual or not.  A few months ago he asked me why he keeps getting erections all the time for no reason.  (Luckily I was driving and he was in the backseat when he asked me this, because I'm pretty sure I turned fire-engine red and my eyes bugged out.)  I'm happy he feels like he can talk to me about this stuff, embarrassing as it sometimes is...everything I've read and experienced tells me that the more your kids talk to you about sex, drugs, drinking, etc. the more likely they are to be careful about indulging in those things in the future.  

Quote from: "PaulGuelph"
If it were not for sex ed at school, I would have received none, except for a book I stole from my brother.


My mom gave me the clinical description of how babies are made and where they come from when I asked her about it at age 6 or 7.  Of course, I still had no idea what at least half of what she was saying meant (what was a "vagina" and did it magically appear when the baby was about to be born? because I didn't think I had one).  Good thing she did, though, since I didn't get any sex ed in school.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

Sir Percy

A 'tick-the-box' type question with no expectation of understanding or analysis to display. Such is modern education. For what age group Lisa?

Sex amongst the young, and all too often amongst older people too, is a matter of 'pressure', be it persuasion or simple indication of desire. One may well have the desire level higher than the other at any given moment. So what is meant by 'pressure'?

a. Look him/her straight in the eye and say No in an assertive manner.
Well that may well be an option if one is definitly not up for it. It does betoke an 'anger' in the way it is put though.

b. Give into the pressure.
That, too, may well be an option, particularly when one or the other is used to being 'persuaded'. I am sure most couples would find a normality in this.

c. Slap him/her.
Oh, great! This is appealing to the usual violence that women seem to find acceptible when it is them doing the slapping.  "He deserved it" is the cry. But as the question is gender neutralised one can just imagine the furore if a boy slapped a girl in the face for suggesting sex! Even when 'pressured'. I doubt one would hear "she deserved it".

d. Say No softly without meeting his/her eyes.
This sounds like an acceptible option ( with reservations about even including the confabulating phrase about eyes)  for keeping the peace, preserving a future relationship and attending to the feelings of the other so that they do not feel rejected out of hand, especially if it has taken some courage to make the approach.

I wonder if the education program includes elements of respect for the other person rather than simple control. Despite the gender neutrality attempt, the one-way direction is still clear. Mendacity.
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

lkanneg

Quote from: "Sir Percy"
A 'tick-the-box' type question with no expectation of understanding or analysis to display. Such is modern education. For what age group Lisa?


8th graders...no doubt why the heavy emphasis on Just Say No.   :)
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

sorryisntgoodenough

My "sex ed" came in seventh grade, and the female teacher told us that sex is unpleasant for women, but usually out of politeness they do it, and the man thanks them afterwards.  I remember her saying that like it was yesterday.

SIAM

Sex Ed is a waste of time.

It's not KNOWING what to do that makes kids make the right decisions.

It's the influences that prey on kids - it's all about changing the influences.

Young girls of 12 reading magazines selling the idea implicitly that having sex is the norm.  Some magazines are explicit about this via their "problem pages" - it creates the idea in girls heads that not having sex is sad and uncool.  Then move onto 16 year old girls and the magazines they read and TV they watch tells them how to perform blow jobs, have the best orgrasms etc.  The implied message is that sex is cool, and You Should Be Doing It. Of course, the editors of such magazines will pretend they're informing their readership, and this perfoming a Moral Duty.  It's bullshit. This is where the pressure to have sex comes from - the media, who in turn make female peer groups pressure their individual members to have sex with their boyfriends.

Look to change the influences. Knowledge is useless when up against influence.  I know drinking a lot beer is bad for me and I'll feel shit the next day.  Even though I know that, I still choose to get blind drunks sometimes, with the big hangover and feeling of regret.  Knowledge is one peice of the jigsaw.  All the other peices are influences.

whome112

My sex ed was a movie in grade 7: A movie which showed all of the mechanics, from the parts, through the how to, all the way to delivery of the baby.

I matured VERY late and didn't pay the least attention to the movie. To me, it was boring.

This has always been a problem of mine with sex ed., they do not take into account that some kids will mature late and those kids just plain are not interested in the topic.

whome
ay what you mean: Mean what you say.
http://jwwells.blogspot.com

Peter

How about:
Quote
If your boyfriend or girlfriend is pressuring you to have sex, what should you do?"

e. Say "Yes, yes, yes. Can't wait. Now!" If that is what you feel.


There are surely some other correct choices omitted.
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Peter

Quote from: "sorryisntgoodenough"
... the female teacher told us that sex is unpleasant for women, but usually out of politeness they do it, and the man thanks them afterwards.


Sounds like an introduction to "How to commercialize your sexuality".

Maybe it should have been more like:

... sex is pleasant also for women, but more important, it provides access to the finanical resources of the man and often the man pays in cash in advance, even marries her, get divorced and leaves his assets to her.
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Sir Percy

Quote
sorryisntgoodenough wrote:
... the female teacher told us that sex is unpleasant for women, but usually out of politeness they do it, and the man thanks them afterwards.


I suppose we can all take a good guess at the sort of marital relationship that poor woman had, and her poor husband. I find it very sad, on the one hand, and angry on the other for the damage she has caused so many boys and girls she was supposed to be educating.

Quote
lkanneg wrote:
"If your boyfriend or girlfriend is pressuring you to have sex, what should you do?"

e. Say "Yes, yes, yes. Can't wait. Now!" If that is what you feel.


Look as I have, I didn't see Lisa say that, but.... how about other possible alternative answers. Serious now. Anyone?
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

Malakas

Seriously, back through the mists of time (indistinct images swirl across the screen), I clearly remember one special hour of Sex. Ed. Without warning the timetable in our tightly run, all-boys grammar school was unexpectedly suspended and we were herded into the Main Hall.  This was unheard of.  We suspected that nuclear war had broken out and we we're going to be assigned special duties.  

Once assembled the head of the department of biology was introduced and the other male staff made a discreet exit, with their black gowns (I believe our colonial cousins call them togas) flowing behind them.

The next hour was riveting. A quick walk through of the mechanics - no moral judgements, no indoctrination, just the scientific facts. Some were uneasy as he delivered the message that we were all living testament to what our mothers and fathers were doing at the instant of our conception.

While we might have already had some suspicions, it was a clarification par exellance. It was a rite of passage performed with appropriate ceremony. We learned the secret of life.  The rest of the curriculum taught us about the use and abuse of power, knowledge and responsibilty. That single hour gave us the keys to heaven or hell.

Well Sir Percy, you did ask!
'm an asylum seeker. Don't send me back.

Sir Percy

Hahaha. Malakas. A boys' Grammar School, and up north to boot. My but there's posh. It wasn't a Henry the Something  was it? Or is that pushing the Rose too far up a nose?

Buggered if I can remember the sex ed period in my Grammar School (Ullathorne - co-ed) but it was likely at a time I was wagging. It was run by monks who, I suspect were as much in the dark as any. We learned quite a bit, enough for practicals at least, from the more adventurous and forward girls (who were competing for us boys' attention with the Secondary Modern girls next door - what a predatory lot they were - talk about marrying up!) with some hints from the older boys. It seemed to work well enough. :D
vil, like misery, is Protean, and never greater than when committed in the name of 'right'. To commit evil when they are convinced they are doing 'good', is one of the greatest of pleasures known to a feminist.

lkanneg

Quote from: "Malakas"
Some were uneasy as he delivered the message that we were all living testament to what our mothers and fathers were doing at the instant of our conception.


;)  Yeah, pretty much NOBODY wants to think too closely about that.
quot;Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"Something which we think is impossible now is not impossible in another decade."
-- Constance Baker Motley

"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
--Janis Joplin

Malakas

Close to the mark Sir P. Founded by a Henry in 1594 but not named after him for some strange reason. Housed in an ageing gritstone building where you might find your grandfather's crude pre-pubescent initials carved into one of the desks. Posh indeed!
But don't scoff so lightly. My parents were poor. I was there by virtue of the 1947 Education Act - free place. No chance of finding my granpa's carvings. Up to my post-grad years I was socially inferior to everyone around me but I enjoyed my new world.

Back on the thread. Before retirement I eventually aspired to become a national schools inspector. Since I was assigned to 'primary'(up to 11), Sex Ed. as such didn't really come into it. But we had to report on SMSC, Spiritual, Social and Moral Education. Over ten years or so I rarely had a bad thing to say about what those teachers were doing with the nation's young.  I clearly recall an editorial in The Times that posed:
Quote
Why all this teacher-bashing? Schools are the last bastion of a morality that has largely disappeared from the rest of society.

Schools cannot heal a sick society. Healthy kids from healthy homes prosper. For the rest, schools provide damage-limitation with varying degrees of success.
'm an asylum seeker. Don't send me back.

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